Spill Out The Glass of Water

Starting Fresh

2010-08-21T11:30:00.001+08:00

There’s no more inspiration to be had with my Blogger, which I’ve kept alive for more than 5 years. In fact, the structure with which I established it leaves little room for anything that holds water; in other words, composing long-winded diatribe and diligently weekly posts that are left unread don’t feel as gratifying as composing long-winded diatribe left unread in another platform that, for all intents and purposes, hold more fertile ground for expression.

Removing the purple prose: Since I’ve a Tumblr lying around, I might as well use it and start fresh. Yes, I’m leaving my Blogger to die at last.

Visit my new home at http://kmp091.tumblr.com

Movies Opening This Week: It’s Jake Plus 8

2010-08-20T21:46:00.001+08:00

To some, it might come off as jarring to see a property that already exists on DVD get a re-release in the theatres, I mean, come on, who’d go watch? But I think with Jake Sully, everyone can find a bit of an exception.

Avatar: Special Edition

Knowing Fox, when there’s something to milk, they’ll most likely milk it to death. So obviously, it shouldn’t actually come as that much of a surprise to see Avatar get a re-release in selected 3D theatres, and according to ClickTheCity, even Philippine 3D cinemas will get the new version too.

Seriously though, what could possibly be different from the movie everyone watched in 2009, and the new movie coming out this August? Well, it’s 8 minutes of difference I guess. If they put those 8 minutes in the right spot of the already long 2 hour-30 minute run time, then sign me up. And of course, I’m talking about that damn anti-climactic red banshee that was supposed to be so impossible to tame. If they put all those 8 minutes to portraying Na’vi procreating, I’m going to be so pissed.

Still, if you haven’t watched the movie in all its glorious 3D form, you have yet another chance to flock to your nearest 3D enabled theatre, hell, it doesn’t have to be IMAX. For my review of the 2009 release, re-visit it here (and laugh at my Jake Scully typo).

But if you want something else to love, why don’t you just keep…

Going the Distance

A fluffy romantic comedy that just happens to have an “eclectic” cast of very “quirky” characters. It’s one of those, huh? Joy.

But I guess there’s something to be said about the bankability of the Drew Barrymore-Justin Long chemistry, eh?

Basically dealing with a long distance love affair, Going the Distance is pretty much about Justin Long wanting to keep the relationship between him and Drew Barrymore alive and unscathed in spite of potential external factors and secret lovers that may very well ruin their relationship. With that fear in mind, they try everything to sustain the love. Oh, let me guess, the conflict will be a matter of trust.

For me, this is totally worth waiting for a home video release, if you’re so inclined to watch it, that is.

Maybe you don’t want another rom-com, maybe you just want a good ol’ fashioned Eli Roth horror flick.

The Last Exorcism

About a reverend that goes on his last exorcism job, The Last Exorcism is once again like those glorified “based on a true story” kind of films. Frankly, it looks slightly scary, but on the whole, I just feel “Meh”.

I’m the guy who laughs when a horror movie somehow gets itself blown out of proportion and much of the knuckle cracking, head snapping, and finger stretching just feel totally over the top for me. I’m sorry I’m like that, okay?

It looks like it will be presented in one of those mockumentary formats that have become the norm for horror flicks these days, but it will also have a hybrid of good ol’ fashioned scripted sequences. Again, “meh”.

Movies Opening This Week: Doesn’t Make You Look Smart

2010-08-17T18:02:00.001+08:00

When your name isn’t Earl and you’re not an ex-con, chances are you’ll still go through a lot of bad karma just for winning the lottery.

Lottery Ticket

A black comedy that looks okay, Lottery Ticket involves a guy who wants to get a girl to no avail but suddenly wins the lottery. He doesn’t want anyone to know but, as we all know, secrets don’t quite last long within a tightly-knit community.

And this is why the winner probably has to go through a ton of weird crap so he can… get laid I guess. Frankly, I’m not very interested in this movie; I wasn’t even paying attention to the trailer all that much, but to its credit, it doesn’t look like it’s trying too hard to be funny, or at least the trailer is serviceable enough not to make that a bit too evident.

As far as comedies go, I guess we could do a bit better.

The Switch

It’s been so long since I last enjoyed a Jennifer Aniston movie. No seriously, when was the last time I enjoyed a Jennifer Aniston movie? Maybe I would if it involved Jason Bateman, who’s always self-deprecatingly funny.

This time, Aniston wants to be pregnant and is looking for a sperm donor. At a party, her best friend mixes up her preferred sample with his own, and yes, familial chaos ensues. Technically, any suspicions could be solved through DNA tests (which I assume won’t be done because, of course, where would be the drama in that?!) and really, why bother putting out that sperm sample where drunk people could reach it?

While it’s once again familiar territory for Jennifer Aniston, this one looks like it’s going to be a bit… smarter. Maybe a bit funnier too. Whatever the case, this doesn’t look like one of those “hysterical” romantic comedies that resort to a lot of slapstick, this one looks like it’s going to be a bit of a sleeper hit, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this might be a good one. Maybe one of Aniston’s better ones in this new decade.

But hey, if you don’t seem to like this one, maybe this one’s more your speed:

Vampires Suck

At first, you’d think that a parody on Twilight, which in itself is like a parody of established paranormal literature, would be awesome. But then you think, there’s YouTube for that. YouTube is a place for pop culture and memes that replace themselves every 5 seconds. The movies, aren’t.

In fact, why can’t the creators of these types of movies just go to YouTube? They’d find so much more love and success there.

When you put anything irrelevant to vampires—Lady Gaga, Alice in Wonderland, and Jersey Shore—to a movie that parodies and apparently spits at vampires, then a lot could be said about how bad the writing must be. The consistency involved is obviously rooted in the non-sequitur, and the main joke of the movie—which is “Vampires Suck”—is most definitely unsustainable. Just because you’re bashing something genuinely stupid and sprinkling in pop culture references that are similarly stupid, doesn’t make you smart.

I swear I could write a 10-page paper about this, but all I’m going to say is that this movie only proves that there are people who think putting the hate on Twilight for the sake of being cool is… well, cool. At least my hate is a bit more justified; I couldn’t stand the book and stopped at the fourth chapter. This one feels like the bashing is manufactured, thus making the entire point of the appeal of this movie void and null.

In short, they want your money.

And speaking of money, can you say "BLATANT JAWS RIP-OFF”?

Piranha 3D

Thank you for that, Hollywood. I really needed something this concrete.

From the first frame of this thing to the last, it’s obvious what the hell this movie wants to be. But then, I’m pretty sure it’ll be in the same league as Jaws 3D instead of the classic one. Just looking at those fish gives me the creeps, and I’m not talking about creep factor, I’m talking about how fake they totally look. That’s just mind-boggling to see in 2010, but I guess there’s a sacrifice involved when you want to make something in 3D minus the budget of Avatar.

But seriously, how low can this movie go? It’s uninteresting, to say the least.

Hmm, I guess that’s enough negativity for one week. How about something a bit more positive to end on?

Nanny McPhee Returns

The first one was nothing too amazing, but I have to admit, for a kid’s movie it was pretty good. It didn’t quite pander, it didn’t quite sing, and it didn’t quite bore adults that much. Still, I thought the first Nanny McPhee was a one-time thing, so imagine my surprise when a sequel just sprung by my radar.

Somehow looking a lot of the same thing, Nanny McPhee Returns, I don’t think, will be any more amazing than the first one. Maybe it’s even an unnecessary distraction as well as an unnecessary sequel. But there it is. Emma Thomspon is also reprising her role as the titular nanny, and is looking quite comfortable with it. I dare say, she’s the one that’s really worth watching in this whole shebang.

I mean, the dancing pigs? Really?

But I guess it’s still deserving the benefit of the doubt. It has so far been enjoying great critical acclaim, with some even saying it’s an improvement overall compared to the first one. Obviously, Mary Poppins has quite spoiled me, so maybe that’s why I can’t see as much of the good of Nanny McPhee as others do. Awfully rendered dancing CGI pigs, or well-choreographed dancing chimney sweepers? You decide.

Movies Opening This Week: Bring Awesome Back

2010-08-07T14:20:00.001+08:00

After a few uneventful weeks, Edgar Wright’s much anticipated new movie gets out and brings awesome back to the cinema.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Adapted from a series of comic books, Scott Pilgrim is essentially about a boy who’s in a band and is in love with a girl named Ramona Flowers. But before they can even do anything in solitude, Pilgrim, played by Michael Cera, has to fight off her seven evil ex-boyfriends, all of which have some very different character quirks… which reminds me a lot of the video game No More Heroes.

The movie’s soundtrack sounds great, the visual style distinctively mind-blowing and the fight scenes seemingly epic, but what gets me bothered is the fact that the movie, in the end, just seems very hollow for some reason. I mean, what plot is there other than the seven evil ex-boyfriends? Granted, I’m excited for this movie but I don’t think the actual story in terms of depth will really get me to love it. I have yet to see it for myself, but so far the movie has been getting some really positive feedback, so maybe I’ll change my mind when I actually get to see it.

Also slightly less awesome in the creative sense is the traditionally macho all-star cast of:

The Expendables

When have we honestly last seen Arnold Schwarzenegger in an honest-to-goodness real movie? Well, it’s kind of nostalgic to see him coming back with less of a badass stature and more of an old guy vibe… but this time he’s with forces like Stallone, Statham, and even Jet Li. A lot of big names that scream macho and badass can be found in this one, but the premise is just a conglomeration of ideas we’ve all seen before, but done much better. I mean, the trailers only bank on explosions for heaven’s sake.

This doesn’t really excite me at the least, but it seems to offer enough testosterone to warrant a rent when it comes on home video. For me, at least. I know there will be a guaranteed audience for this, especially considering the huge names attached to the project, but if this happened when each were at the prime of their careers, then will this movie be something truly special.

But the girls still have some cinematic room though:

Eat, Pray, Love

If you tire of the intense nature of explosive blockbusters, there’s this calmer romantic adaptation of the novel of the same name. It’s pretty much a girl travelling around to “let herself go” and “find herself” to “get over a relationship”.

I’m not sure whether the book is any good, but I don’t there’s anything to marvel at except for… India, Bali and Italy, I guess.

Looking at it cynically, it’s pretty much a woman wanting a ego boost, and everyone loves that, because it has the potential to spur inspiration, but aside from the times when Julia Roberts is on the screen, everything feels quite phony. I don’t know why, it just feels too artificial and devoid of any emotion. Kind of like what I feel for Scott Pilgrim, but it' doesn’t even have the distinct visual spectacle (aside from the exotic locales) nor the adequately distracting fight sequences. Maybe it’s just a matter of wrong timing, I mean, a movie like this during the summer blockbuster season, are you kidding?

Movies Opening This Week: The Internet is for Porn

2010-07-30T22:57:00.001+08:00

The Other Guys

When Samuel Jackson and Dwayne Johnson can’t do the job, Will Ferell and Mark Wahlberg are on the case. And it’s kind of not funny for me.

I admit, the trailer has its moments especially with the explosion thing, but for the large part, I’m not entirely sure how this movie isn’t so much different as, say, Cop-Out.

Step Up 3D

Modern movies are usually retreads of the same ol’ formula. Heck, even Inception, one of the most original movies I’ve seen in years, kind of adheres to the heist film formula. The rules have been laid out years prior, and most of what we see now has been done before. But the key thing to most of the movies we still enjoy today is that they still manage to be fresh, but the Step Up series? Well, let’s just say you could mash that series together and you could still come up with the same damn movie; it’s one of the most blatant retreads ever to exist. But this time, it’s in, like, three dimensions, you know?

Aside from the same flashy dance sequences, what else is there to enjoy to this? It’s like mindless action movies, but the action here comes in the form of dance. Shouldn’t be anything wrong, but come on, this is Step Up. This is just the same thing over and over again. Why can’t it just end?

Heck, the sad part is that this won’t be the last we see of the franchise, because a ton of people will still watch it anyway.

Flipped

A new Rob Reiner film about two childhood friends who seem destined for each other, Flipped is a coming-of-age story that seems kind of whimsical as it involves a girl whose intuition tells her that boy is the one for her, but boy is too hesitant and wants to push her away due to peer pressure. When boy realizes that girl may also be the one for him, girl starts contemplating other men, and so the story goes.

Now that we know all of that, the only thing left to ask is whether they stick together or go their separate ways (or, well, go their separate ways and stick together when they suddenly bump into each other again). Whatever the case, don’t expect Rob Reiner to pull another dinner scene here, I mean, they’re kids, obviously. So it probably won’t be much of an iconic film, but I guess it’ll be watchable?

Middle Men

This last one is pretty much the story of the conception of porn on the internet. Huh, sounds like something you’d do as a last resort because you didn’t get Aaron Sorkin’s screenplay of The Accidental Billionaires. Now known as the much-hyped The Social Network by David Fincher.

Whatever the case, it’s still kind of interesting to see how from dudes living in a basement in 1995, they would be able to build an empire that’s just huge.

It probably won’t be as Oscar-y looking as The Social Network, but I’m pretty much guessing it won’t be the worst damn movie either. That said, I wouldn’t be terribly disappointed if I didn’t see this film anyways.

Inception: The Thinking Man's Action Film

2010-07-25T21:34:00.001+08:00

Inception
Starring Leonardo de Caprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Directed and written by Christopher Nolan

Hot on the heels of a multi-million dollar Batman movie, Nolan follows it up with an all-new original story that takes place in a land where dreams can be intercepted and corporate information could be extracted by a group of experts operating under a company. Unfortunately, due to the death of his wife, Dominic Cobb (Leo de Caprio) fails to pull off a job but finds out that rich businessman Saido (Ken Watanabe) is willing to give anything to Cobb under one condition: Cobb needs to do the opposite of his day job and actually implant an idea to a rival company's heir instead of extract it (thus the title) so that Saido's company will win in the end.

What follows is a series of events set into motion that, if you don't follow closely, will continue on regardless of whether you like it or not, whether you can understand or not. But that doesn't exactly mean that the story is extremely convoluted; in fact, the story and its several threads are handled so well that each of them is a uniquely worthy point of discussion.

Nolan doesn't feel the need to pander to his audience and treats them with the respect they deserve, but I think the thing that's getting a lot of positive feedback is the entire second half of the movie, which for all intents and purposes, is awesome. You will care for all its characters and you will know the gravity of the situation, and this is the part where Inception appeals to a lot of people. It's where the thrills come, where all the subplots of the subplots of the subplots in the subplot of the main plot get tied together, resulting in a handsome pay-off.

The key thing in watching Inception is that it isn't necessarily a thriller that discusses the concept of "dreams" in as much detail as you'd think a pretentious movie would, but it's more of a heist movie that involves a cast of endearing characters doing "one last job" so that Cobb's character won't be a wanted man in America anymore. You can screw up a lot of these kinds of films, but the cast Nolan's assembled here is just excellent and pitch-perfect.

Of note is Ellen Page's character Ariadne is basically in almost the same position as us- the unknowing audience, except for the part where she is a gifted architect- and she does an exemplary job at being hesitant, curious and oblivious at first, even though she becomes the voice of reason in later events. Props also go to Joseph Gordon Levitt for being such a badass and Marion Cotillard for turning in what I think is her best performance since La Vie En Rose.

Oh and Leonardo... is a given. He's pretty much the glue that makes us care for everyone in the first place.

At this point it would be hard to talk about the movie without spoiling it and its intricacies. If anything else is of note, then it may well be the cinematography, the sensationally realistic special effects, the emotional depth, the simultaneous visceral and cerebral satisfaction (which has become atypical of Nolan movies), or the bombastic but less than memorable score. Whatever the case, Inception is a movie you must see to believe, with its trailers barely even justifying the amount of epic contained within its package.

Still, don't go in expecting an overly exhaustive breakdown of dreams and excessive philosophical whimsy, just expect a highly intelligent action film that requires you to be glued to its details at all times. Either way, it's a great movie to watch and talk about for days afterwards.

True, Nolan doesn't achieve levels of "masterpiece", but what he does in Inception, he does very well. And we're all the better for it. In fact, its box office performance may well be an inception all its own. The simple idea that an original and highly cerebral film can be profitable is an appealing proposition, and we must expect no less from the studios and the filmmakers.

Rating: 9/10

Movies Opening This Week: Bros Before Hoes

2010-07-24T13:13:00.001+08:00

Last week we saw Inception oversee release, and I’m willing to bet that it will stay on top of the box office for a while, especially because of:

Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
Never mind the overly unwieldy title, never mind the overly generic plot and somewhat substandard animal CGI, this movie is just a mystery. I mean, is there any reason for it to exist at all? Who gives a crap about this? It’s like Marmaduke all over again, but this time, it’s G-Force with cats and dogs working together. It doesn’t even seem to bring anything new to the table, so I can’t even see the point in wasting time and resources just to make this and cash in on 3D.

But maybe I just don’t get it; I mean, there’s surely a market for this kind of movie, and I just don’t happen to be part of it… but hey, Kenneth from 30 Rock is in it though!

Instead of rambling any more about this insignificant, harmless family movie, I’ll just go and look for something more sappy.

Charlie St. Cloud

Yup, this is pretty much all I’d see from a Nicholas Sparks, but wait! The twist here is that it isn’t written by Nicholas Sparks. Well hey, any movie that wants to be inspirational but isn’t written by Nicholas Sparks is already a plus in my book!

But… hmm… something just feels a little out of place for me. So the story’s about these two close brothers who like baseball but one of them ends up dying in an accident and big brother (Zac Efron) can’t let go of him, and so for some reason little brother goes back from the grave and becomes his conscience and imaginary friend. When Charlie meets the girl of his dreams though, he suffers from conflict: should he choose his dead brother or his girl? Bros before hoes?

Whatever the case, the whole affair feels a bit overly sappy and looks as if it wants to cash in on the Dear John crowd, instead of actually being a complex drama about a boy coming-of-age trying to get over the death of his beloved brother and holding on to childhood. The fact that the trailer spills everything there is to care about the plot doesn’t help either.

This is definitely for the DVD crowd.

Dinner for Schmucks

I love Steve Carell and I like Paul Rudd. Is this movie geared for me for once?

Mmm…

No.

Or at least I don’t think so.

Dinner for Schmucks is essentially a remake of a comedy that is about this guy who wants to get a promotion but before he does he has to go through a dinner meeting with his superiors. Sounds simple enough. But if the dinner involves bringing the biggest idiot and gaining bragging rights if one ever wins, it could pose a bit of a problem for Paul Rudd’s character. Fortunately enough, he literally runs into an “idiot” in the form of Steve Carell and they become “buddies” who Paul Rudd could use so he can pretty much pull off a win and get a promotion. This somehow gets him in hot water with his girlfriend, and well, maybe Rudd and Carell’s characters may even become friends at some point. One thing’s for sure though: I didn’t laugh at the trailer even once. Maybe it’s my crappy sound system, maybe it’s because I sleep at 3 and woke up at 9, but it’s just… not very funny for me.

Perhaps the closest thing to that is Zach Galifianakis… however you spell that guy’s last name.

Movies Opening This Week: In Soviet Russia, Children Adopt You

2010-07-17T16:26:00.001+08:00

I seriously cannot remember the last time I saw Angelina Jolie in a major action flick kicking ass by herself (hell, I think it's been 2-3 years) so it comes as a somewhat welcome surprise that the UN ambassador is back in:

Salt
Even if she's in the UN, her role involves an international conspiracy set up by the Russians. Whether she's been framed or not, the authorities are after her due to accusations of being a Russian spy sent to kill the president, and it's a good thing she doesn't have adopted children, nor Brad Pitt, to keep her down.

I've watched an earlier trailer of this movie and frankly I think this one's a bit more exciting, a bit better. I don't know whether it's my current mood that's dictating that but there's something about it that feels both awesome, and just emotionally devoid of danger or risk. It's kind of like Bourne without the thrills.

But really, it's just Jolie in her element: kicking ass and proving herself once again that it only takes a bee-stung lip to be awesome.

While Jolie's back up and kicking ass, Brad Pitt's probably distracting their children with:

Ramona and Beezus
I've never heard of any "classic children's literature" based on those names before. They just sound alien, or maybe a contrived kid-friendly version of the expression "Jesus Christ". Whatever the case, this Selena Gomez vehicle is clearly aimed at the tween market, but I think it's also trying- maybe even a bit too hard- to appeal to audiences other than that.

I've a good feeling that it won't be particularly bad, but I can't say it's interesting either. It's all going to depend on whether the little girl headlining the actual thing (Joel... something or other) will be adorable enough to make it click. I can't see much of that right now, but I have a feeling that it'll just be "adequate". It won't be anything disruptive, it won't do much after its first week at the box office, and I'm willing to bet it didn't cost much either.

I think it would work better on DVD, as a background movie while you're cleaning.

Apple addresses antenna issues... kind of

2010-07-17T08:53:00.001+08:00

In a surprise move, Apple invited media outlets to attend an impromptu press conference to address the increasingly loud antenna complaints that are coming from all over the... markets that the iPhone is officially sold in. The last straw was probably when Consumer Reports advised against getting an iPhone only because of the antenna issues.

Really, the issue can be reproduced with other phones, but the thing is, in real world usage, there's not much about it that affects anything. Those who want the signal to attenuate are the ones who will intentionally place his finger/s on the death spot. It's only more pronounced on the iPhone 4.

After playing the YouTube song (found above), Steve Jobs went on to business about the iPhone with numbers and statistics that really seem weird for me. I don't know, it's just skepticism. Whatever the case, it's still a good thing that Apple's plan is to give out free bumpers (however crappy they are) to all iPhone 4 customers until September 30, and are not planning a total recall (which would overly humiliate the company). If you still don't like the iPhone 4 with the bumper and the non-attenuation of the signal, you can have your money back.

That's actually a great deal.

Droid X Self-Destructs in 5...

2010-07-15T23:41:00.003+08:00

As Apple is getting some flack for its (apparently internally known) antenna issues, Motorola has also been getting some much more well-deserved derision by tech media because of a new development that was found about its newly released Droid X today.

In the Android platform, Google gives you the option to 'root' the operating system, which basically enables the user to gain access to the filesystem, ala jailbreaking for the iOS. Despite the open philosophy of Android however, Motorola has opted to place a hardware de-activator that shuts your phone and turns it into a useless brick until it's sent for repair.

It basically reads the entire phone to detect any 'unauthorized modifications' and makes it self-destruct. For good.

Hell, at least Apple doesn't shut down iOS devices for good. This one's kind of out of line and deserving of its own class action suit, because not only does it void a consumer's warranty, it also doesn't let a consumer USE his own phone which is the reason why he bought it in the first place.

And yet, of course, Moto is not Apple. They will have it good and Apple will get all the attention- enough to even warrant an unexpected press conference. Just for an antenna. Just for something that can be resolved with a cheap case, maybe even some electrical tape.

But the worst part in all of this? I was actually rooting for this phone.

- mobile blogging mode

Movies Opening This Week: Just. Watch. It.

2010-07-13T20:19:00.001+08:00

Normally, I'd do a little introduction that forms a segueway toward the several few movies seeing release in theaters this week, however, there's really only one movie that's worth watching, and yes, it's...

Inception

I'm going totally barebones on this one. No trailer, no synopsis, hell, not even a poster. All your brain needs is to be open, and functional. Hell, if it's half as good as they say it is, you won't even regret doing anything.

I'm saving you the crime of having to watch the trailer, because I yielded to its awesomeness. Yes, I'm stoked for it, but that doesn't mean you should spoil yourself the details (and... awesomeness) that the movie entails. I mean, wouldn't it be so much better if you didn't know anything about a movie and really, really loved it?

(I'm getting into the new Digg feed thing. Sorry for the inconvenient code: b69e7615b21a4559a989b37e8671bee1)

Apps Weekly: Tilt to Live + Secret of Monkey Island 2: Special Edition

2010-07-07T20:00:00.001+08:00

Tilt to Live
$1.99
One Man Left Studios
Rated 9+, compatible with iOS 2.2.1 or later

One of my all-time favorite games for the iPod touch thus far is this Geometry Wars inspired title, and it's so unfortunate if you didn't get to download it for free. Whatever the case, Tilt to Live is just addictive and tons of fun, and most definitely worth the $1.99 entry fee.

This game basically lets you embark upon a simple task: kill all red dots in sight. Doesn't sound much fun, until you factor in the tons of cool power-ups the game throws at you as well as the achievements you can get. It's ridiculous how long you'll want to play this game, because, personally, I just can't stop.

What makes it different from the vector-based Geometry Wars is not only in the aesthetic and controls (which is clearly tilt-based, more on that later), but also with the fact that the game just has a great sense of humor. It's visible every time you open the app, because its load screens always have something different (and funny) to see every damn time.

The achievements are also just littered with insane but humorous tasks you can embark upon if you ever wish to unlock more weapons. I mean, there's even a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference when you get to maintain a combo.

Unlike other tilt-based games, the developer just has the controls down to a T. It feels tight, and the game provides a few different options for control depending on your position. Whether you standing up, sitting down, lying in bed, or God knows what other position, you can readily calibrate the game to your liking, and for the most part, it always works.

For now, you have 3 game types to play with, and all of them offer a great deal of challenge and perfect gameplay when you're on the move or waiting in line.

It's recommended that you warm yourself up first with Classic mode which deals you with a small number of enemies at first, but increases as the game goes along. Code Red, as stated in its description, is Classic mode on crack. This is the mode that you'll want to go to either if you're completely sadomasochistic, or kind of bored by the slow start of Classic mode. I know I am.

Gauntlet is a radically different mode from these two, because it doesn't involve killing dots, it just involves evading and analyzing their patterns. It's like Pacifism for Geometry Wars.

These three game modes don't actually end right there. The developers constantly release updates that keep gameplay fresh and new, with a new game mode on the way even. Obviously, with the way I'm raving about this game, this is 2 dollars well spent, and it even out-values some of the other games in the App Store, because the quality and sheer likability of this one just works so well.

Rating: 9.4/10

Just released is the sequel to the re-made Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition, Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge. Basically, this game gives the 2nd game of the much beloved point-and-click adventure series a huge high-res artwork boost alongside the same nostalgic gameplay and sharp writing. Oh, and there's voice acting as well.

Shockingly not a universal binary for iPhone and iPad, this game features refined controls, an excellent guidance system, and the trademark two-finger-swipe that reverts the game to its original, throwback look.

Honestly, I haven't even finished the first one so I'm not picking this up any time soon, but LucasArts has released the game in Lite and Paid versions, with the iPhone version costing $7.99 and the iPad version $9.99.

If you were a fan of the old game, you might as well be on iTunes downloading it right now.

iPhone [link], iPad [link]

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Review

2010-07-04T19:32:00.000+08:00

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Ben Kingsley
Directed by Mike Newell
Walt Disney Pictures

Much can be said about the fabled history of video game adaptations. The illustrious likes of the now-infamous Uwe Boll to the failed exploits of Milla Jovovich in the increasingly frustrating Resident Evil films are just some of the more notable points of the medium's young history. When Jordan Mechner- the original mastermind behind the famous 2D platformer- announced a movie deal that was struck with Disney for a Prince of Persia adaptation, I was shocked, cautiously optimistic, and indifferent- in that order.

Sands of Time has a lot going for it: Mechner conceived the idea for a more screen-oriented story based on the rather good story of the video game trilogy that inspired it, a rather decent director Mike Newell was at the helm, and Jerry Bruckheimer was backing it seriously with his gargantuan finances. But now, you say, what could go wrong?

Well, it's not that there's anything technically wrong, it's just that everything feels barely correct. It's like, just as long as setpiece A and plot point X was done, the rest wouldn't even matter; it's like the whole crew wasn't even going for anything special or unique despite a high budget.

In short, it's just plain ol' mediocrity on full display.

Good movies are easy to love. Bad movies are easy to hate (or ironically love). Mediocre movies that are aimless and ambition-less? They're not even worth the time. The entire movie is basically Jake Gyllenhaal and Gemma Arterton talking for the sake of talking, battling for the sake of battling, and not rewinding for the sake of staging awkward conflict. True, the sand in the movie's McGuffin- the dagger of time- is limited and thus must be used wisely, but there's not an actual sense of danger and despair over the dagger's potential to destroy the world. Nor is there any danger to the main villain- who is clearly made up to be regarded as such.

And by that I mean Sir Ben Kingsley who makes an appearance here as an uninteresting villain who hires a spy and creates a conspiracy in his brother's kingdom just so he can claim the throne. At first people trust him, but come on, he wears evil villain make-up, clearly someone in the palace should at least have an uneasy amount of suspicion around him. Hell, with eyeliner so sinister, the only thing that would make the guy even more evil is if his role was just given to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

In a move of uninspired, badly sequenced flashbacks, his motivation is explained, in a manner as if to say, "Well hey, at least our villain has some kind of motive!" and the way that the hero just formulates this motive is just full of B.S. for it feels as if he just pulled it out of his buttocks.

I have no apprehension about giving a name to the usually nameless hero, but I do have to exercise a bit of restraint with the casting choice of a clearly white American. Jake Gyllenhaal, usually a pretty decent actor, is kind of uninteresting and not charismatic here. He's only "adequate enough" for the role and is simply a constant reminder for the film's penchant to settle for mediocrity. Fine, maybe he did do his own parkour, but whenever he does anything related to a stunt, it just appears unbelievable, because the film also has a thing for constantly using slow-motion and fast-motion that it isn't even funny. Hell, it's not even like Zack Snyder who uses much of his excessive slow-mo in an elegant way, it's just slow-mo for the heck of slow-mo. That, in addition to motion blur, makes things look unconvincing... as if the movie wasn't such a huge green screen already!

Also a bit of a negligible character: Tamina. She's the princess that's attached to Dastan's journey to guard the dagger, and she's played by Gemma Arterton. Unfortunately, she just can't plain act. There's nothing endearing, likable, or charming about the character, because there's no personality to even like... unless beauty is a personality. Last time I saw a movie with a person who used her beauty as her personality, it involved robots with balls.

If there's really anything to like about this movie, it may well be the cinematography. There are some moments in the film that are pretty well-shot, and the apparent production value makes the film look initially epic overall. Some scenes suffer from a lack of polish in the special effects department, but overall, the movie looks good enough aesthetically.

Maybe there was a benchmark that was observed during the making of this film. Maybe the producers only settled to make the film "tolerable enough" or "excellent enough for a video game movie". Granted, this film is head and shoulders above much of the Street Fighter's and Alone in the Dark's out there, but as a self-contained, classic swashbuckling adventure film? It just doesn't match up, not because it's bad or unentertaining, but because it just doesn't aim high. It's more than watchable, but it doesn't get any more than just that.

Rating: 6/10

Movies Opening This Week: Dark Side of the Moon

2010-07-02T20:31:00.001+08:00

It's hard to classify anti-heroes. Are they just badass heroes? Protagonists who don't happen to care about fatalities? Guys who don't give a crap but suddenly save the world? Or is an anti-hero like the guy in...

Despicable Me
Steve Carell stars as a supervillain named Gru who happens to be the movie's protagonist, which somewhat confuses me. I mean, Gru wants to take over the world but in the process he'll have to eliminate other threats who are, on their own, threats to the world as well, so he's saving the world so he can conquer it. But then again, Gru fails a lot of the time, so the only thing he'll have to do without much resistance by other supervillains is to... take the moon.

Yeah, you heard me right.

Fine, fine, it's an innocent enough motive for evil. Good for kids since it doesn't involve much death, since well, it's just the moon. Hell, if Gru wants to establish his own Death Star, maybe getting the moon would have a point, but maybe I'm just overthinking things.

Whatever the case, the movie looks decent enough. Okay, but not great, not even good. It's probably more about the money that's gonna be raked in by the 3D, and the stuffed toys (minions, duh) and so on and so on. Who knows though? It might be better than the trailers make it out to be. I mean, for me, the premise is too much like a Jackie Chan movie, if you know what I mean. Hell, maybe even a Vin Diesel or an Arnold. Case made short: the plot is a bit too familiar. But maybe, just maybe, the movie might actually be good... although the last few Ice Age's weren't too good.

Predators
What does look good is this movie, produced by Robert Rodriguez, and it's pretty much about a few people who have to survive the onslaught of the titular monsters, or die. The cast is rounded up with some pretty good names: Laurence Fishburne and Adrien Brody, especially. I'm a bit uneasy about Nimrod Antal in the director's chair, but I'm pretty sure Rodriguez' script and creative control will do the trick and hit a home run in the reinvention of what may well be a potential new franchise.

The movie feels visceral, and the trailer is actually pretty well-cut together. It actually got a few chills down my spine for me, so it's hard not to be excited about this cool-looking movie. I recommend staying tuned for this one.

3 Clicks for Health

2010-06-27T17:24:00.000+08:00

So I was going to the Yahoo! home page for kicks when I saw an article about Universal's new "Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey" theme park ride. Granted, there's nothing relevant for anyone living here (in the PH) to care about, but at least there's something to be said about devoted fans willing to exercise and eat healthy because of something that remotely even promotes these activities.

The thing about this ride is, unlike Disneyland's It's a Small World ride, Universal is enforcing some rather stringent rules regarding safety, for the sake of, you know, less money to burn due to class action suits. The thing is that in this ride, if the restraint clicks three times, a person can be deemed qualified to ride. Knowing America, there are probably a lot of people who are too plus-sized to fit these seats, and while there are those who aren't big enough fans to man up and actually lose weight (and instead resort to bitching in the Interwebs), there are still quite a few cases of people who are truly dedicated to this intellectual property and willing to eat healthy if it meant experiencing something that could potentially give him some sort of status upgrade.

While the reasons are kind of... well, creepy and cultish, Harry Potter isn't anything dangerous to latch onto if it means people getting into losing some. You could say that as the books were able to build a huge readership of young children (and plain get them into reading), the ride may or may not be a big catalyst of children living healthy.

In the end, maybe I'm making too big a deal of this.

Movies Opening This Week: Supernatural Love Triangle

2010-06-26T02:18:00.000+08:00

"Why are you so against me to come with you?" said Bella Swan.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Come on, I don't want to beat around the bush. This looks like crap, although I have to admit, it looks like the strongest entry to date.

Of course, you can't really say much about the word "strong" in this context.

But really, what else is there aside from the much-shown vampires vs. werewolves setpiece that will actually interest the fans? You can't really fault Summit for opting to show more of the same staring (oh wait, that's Stephenie Meyer's fault too) but the brooding is just tiring to watch. Fine, fine, I've avoided watching the so-called "saga" like the plague, but I'm conscious enough about the pop culture to know that, yes, Twilight's main attraction is staring... and shirtless Taylor Lautner.

To say that Robert Pattinson is even a marketable face is debatable, but really, I can't find anything fresh and new about this installment. I mean, yes, the Harry Potter series is sort of the like this, but at least that series introduces new concepts in its world regularly that keeps it somewhat fresh (eg, Triwizard Tournament in Potter 4, Umbridge in Potter 5, the Inferi and Horcruxes in Potter 6).

I propose that there should be a bold new direction in Breaking Dawn, which as I've heard is already full of explicit content that isn't as fit to market to the tweens. Why not push it further and create an even more complicated supernatural love rectangle by putting that Dakota Fanning Volturi character in the mix. I mean, come on, they've done it before. It won't be exposed in the trailer, and people will be surprised. Word will spread and a whole new audience will be introduced. Even if that new audience will be an audience of pervs, Summit will earn more money, Twilight will get more publicity, and everyone will be scrambling to make a contrived sequel to Breaking Dawn. Man, I should be working at Summit.

To cleanse the palate, let's go for an animated ride with monkeys... in space.

Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back
I never knew there was a market for a sequel to Space Chimps but, well, there it is. In theaters and not in home video (where it really belongs).

After wasting time rambling on about the politics of Twilight, I can't really say anything about this one anymore. I'm just baffled to see that the first one even made a profit. And they had the creative funding to develop a new character. And it's in 3D.

Maybe... it's just because it's an underwhelming new release compared to, I don't know, a PIXAR FILM?!

Whatever the case, people will become indecisive by the inherent awesomeness that the real alternative to Twilight this week will offer, and that alternative is:

The Last Airbender
I don't mind removing "Avatar" from the title, even though people will keep saying that title instead of "The Last Airbender". Why? Because a lot of people are really fond of the Nickelodeon animated series that came before it.

But the more significant fact that springs from the movie is that M. Night Shyamalan, a once-respected director, might actually become legitimate again. Yes, yes, there's a lot of racebending happening with the cast behind the scenes, but a lot of movie looks visually faithful to the source material nonetheless, and it's still an epic summer movie whichever way you look at it. In short, it will have a pedestrian story but a magnificent aesthetic. Despite the apparent choice of style over substance, this is still gearing up to be a great summer movie to watch out for.

And hey, if the story really is good, then that's a huge double whammy for everybody concerned.

Although the fact that it's being upconverted to 3D at the last minute really worries me...

iPhone 4: You're Holding Me Wrong

2010-06-25T14:02:00.001+08:00

A product with a launch that's as insane as the radically new iPhone 4 is obviously not without its issues. Some could say that the phone was even rushed from the factory to market, so obviously, there could be a few defects here and there.

2 large issues plague the iPhone 4 right now, and one of them's actually a non-issue. Can you guess which one?

It's the yellow blots on the screen.

People have reported tons upon tons of yellowish screens over the past few hours and have obviously become up-in-arms about it. But the real thing about this is that it's just manufacturing residue that should've faded away long before shipment. Obviously, phones affected with the yellow spots were rushed from the factory, and people have almost universally been reporting that the distraction that detracted from the charm of the Retina Display has been fading over time. So yes, it is a non-issue, especially for countries that aren't receiving their iPhone 4's until next month.

But another issue could be a bit of a long-standing one that's due to Apple's new exterior antenna design. Basically, if you hold one part of the iPhone 4 (lower-left side), the service will worsen, and even drop calls at some point. It was first speculated as a display issue because calls were not dropped, but as the issue went out of hand, Steve Jobs issued a response to this phenomenon, saying that it too is a non-issue.

"Just avoid holding it in that way," the CEO said.

The phenomenon is now called the "iPhone Death Grip" apparently, and it only happens when you cover the iPhone 4 with your hand and block the lower-left side. It's easily alleviated by Apple's own bumpers or any third-party protective case, so hey, if you can afford an iPhone, you might as well buy something to protect it with.

Apologists have gone on record to explain that even other phones like Google's own Nexus One has these antenna problems, but they just aren't covered as much because, well, they're not Apple.

Apple has adopted Steve Jobs' e-mail as an official response, saying: "Gripping any phone will result in some attenuation of its antenna performance, with certain places being worse than others depending on the placement of the antennas. This is a fact of life for every wireless phone. If you ever experience this on your iPhone 4, avoid gripping it in the lower left corner in a way that covers both sides of the black strip in the metal band, or simply use one of many available cases."

So bottom line, get a case, or hold it ass-backwards.

But really now, if there truly are issues with other phones (Google Nexus One, Nokias, etc.) then this might as well be considered as an issue taken out of proportion (or just more noticeable).

I'm betting new shipments in the second half of July will have better performance, so suffice it to say, shipments to countries other than the countries that have the iPhone 4 right now will most likely have better antenna resistance, or whatever you call it.

Apps Weekly: Rolando 2 + Farmville

2010-06-24T13:41:00.001+08:00

I've had this game put on hold for a while. I planned to review it almost a year ago and always managed to put it off in place of other, newer iPhone apps.

But it was about time I reviewed this long-time favorite.

Rolando 2: The Quest for the Golden Orchid
$4.99
ngmoco, Hand Circus
Rated 4+, iOS 2.2.1 or later

Considered one of the iPhone's killer games, the original Rolando was at best, an uninspired platformer that borrows heavily from the likes of Loco Roco. Heck, it even controls with tilt. I never really bothered to finish it, because I got bored with it, so with Rolando 2 I hesitantly got it and it was a large, large, large improvement.

From the get-go, you'll see that the game looks significantly better than its predecessor. The background is rendered with 3D elements, and it'll pop out and move while you tilt. Here you have the Rolando kingdom becoming threatened by some evil prince who wants to overthrow the king and become tyranny of the land. Suffice it to say, the story is nothing special; it's the gameplay that really shines.

Featuring weapons and environmental thingamajigs, Rolando 2 is definitely no slouch when it comes to variety, which the first one kind of lacked. It doesn't put more focus on the drawing aspects (which tend to get pretty messy) and instead adds a lot of gameplay mechanics that admittedly, are nothing short of awesome.

There will be parts when you will charge a power so you could shoot enemies, and there'll be times when you'll have to manipulate some mirrors to solve a puzzle. Each Rolando game emphasizes the point that your finger is an almighty force to be reckoned with, and it's most definitely executed better in this game.

What's back are some of those jewels you could collect to gain achievements, and in this one, you'll feel a bit more compelled to get them all.

Along with that are more refined controls and Rolando's that die less easily. And when you use the Spikey Commando here and go back to the original game, you'll probably prefer the controls in this one.

Rolando 2 is well worth the $4.99, because it's decently long, with much variety, great platforming, more personality and much more punched-up visuals.

And yes, the excellent music is provided by Mr. Scruff once again.

Rating: 9/10

I won't really delve much into this just-released game, but, sigh, Farmville has arrived to the iPhone.

Zynga's forces of evil are back to get your money with this deceptively free game, but the upside to those addicted to the game is that you can pretty much check on your farm 24/7 without having to go to your computer (or leave it on all the time). A Facebook account is required, but existing players are granted access to their existing Facebook farms, or they can create a new one from scratch.

Harvest this one on the App Store, if you're a big fan. Personally I think We Rule from ngmoco has better graphics and more personality. Yes, yes, I haven't played that one either, but clearly the screenshots already say a lot.

iOS 4 to drop any time soon

2010-06-21T22:34:00.001+08:00

Get your iPods and iPhones ready (lest you're on the 1st generation), Apple's almost dropping the next software update to your devices, and it's a big one.

iOS 4, the update that brings in multitasking, wallpapers and folders among others was announced a mere few weeks after the iPad was announced. It will ship with the new iPhone 4 this June 24, as well as the special 8GB iPhone 3GS's that are already shipping.

It's free for both iPhone and iPod touch from 2nd generation and up. Multitasking is only supported in the 3GS and iPod touch 3rd generation.

E3: Sony Moves It Moves It... With Nerdy Glasses

2010-06-19T21:41:00.001+08:00

Last year, I thought Sony made the best conference, because they offered the promise of motion controls and actual games. This year, well, after watching Nintendo, it's hard to see them top it.

And I don't think they did. They were close, but they were slightly less awesome than Nintendo. If only because they want to force their glasses on the masses.

Still Kevin Butler: "Who wants to pretend their hand is a gun? What is this, third grade?" LOL. I do hope he goes out on stage.

Anyways, after the montage, Jack Tretton comes out on stage and right off the bat, disses Microsoft. "No ponchos."

From here on, I'm already really excited only because Microsoft's speaker sucked big time.

Jack Tretton is a huge mile away from that Microsoft dude.

Anyway, Jack Tretton's tempting me to finally buy a PS3 and highlights a few games. PSP, not so much.

He segueways into "3D High Definition" and summons Mr. Riiiiiiiidge Racer! to the stage... I mean, Kaz Hirai of course.

"PS is about innovation and content. In the next year, PS will take both innovation and content to a completely new level. Sony is the undisputed leader in 3D, and what PlayStation did for Blu-ray, it will do for 3D as well," says Hirai. He wants people to buy both a BRAVIA 3DTV and a few games that are compatible with 3D today, and explains that PS3's are already 3D-ready. OK. Now what?

Killzone 3, of course.

I guess being ambitious with a game is good, but me with my chronic FPS nausea combined with 3D is huge no-no. The audience is urged to wear glasses (sigh...) and well, of course, I can't really give my own impressions of the game. Still, the graphics do look quite good on its own without the 3D gimmickry, and... there are apparently some flying robots you'll be shooting. On a home theatre, I imagine this will be enthralling, but not everyone has a home theatre. Hell, you'll have to be a 3D capable projector for that too. And a few more pairs of $150 glasses. With that money, you could buy a 360, a Live Gold subscription and games.

But we're not here to trash talk any more of Sony, partly because I hold much faith for the PS3 anyway even if I don't have one.

Killzone's reaching out to you in 2011, February with PS Move support.

Hirai goes on to name drop a lot of games that'll be compatible with 3D. The Sly Collection (remastered Sly Cooper trilogy), Mortal Kombat, Shaun White, Tron, etc. Please, I do not want the glasses.

Sony then wants to sell some 3DTV's by showing a demo reel. Frankly, I don't want to bother embedding a video.

15th anniversary of the PlayStation and 10th for the PS2. It's the second most-played console last year, but of course, it's hard to say if there's really going to be any more support for new titles. Duh.

Next is more PlayStation Move sales talk. We've seen the action in GDC, and I wonder what other games they'll be demoing this time.

Kevin Butler is definitely a huge selling point for this device. Whoops, I mean... uhh... never mind.

A new game being demoed for the Move is Sorcery.

Looks pretty okay, and as always, 1:1 is impressive. There isn't as much jittering as there was in GDC... oh wait, there was some jittering during the potion thing.

But anyway, there are quite a few creative concepts at play here (ie, I love the "creating a firestorm"), and yeah. It looks pretty decent. Art design doesn't particularly stand out to me for some reason.

Andrew Wilson for EA Sports is next so he can demo Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11.

Who knows if it really controls any differently than, say, the Wii Motion Plus so it's hard to say if Move truly is superior. In the HDTV they were using, there was quite a bit of lag so, a bit iffy really. It got better eventually.

Heroes on the Move makes an appearance as a trailer. Features several Sony mascots like Ratchet, Clank, Jax, Daxter, Sly Cooper, and 2 more I don't know.

Coca-Cola is made a partner to advertise Move. There will be a promo that will entitle you to a Move, or some Move games.

Whatever.

And then, Kevin Butler comes to the stage. Now things get interesting.

Somewhat unscripted, he plays on the motion control trend, Kinect, and more. This dude is awesome. Even if he doesn't game and he says "I love gaming," I'd believe him. FOREVER MAY GAMING REIGN! Dammit, he's the best thing Sony's ever done.

September is the release window, and the Move will be priced at 50 dollars, while the navigation controller will be 30. A "Sports Champion bundle" will be priced at $100, while a PS3 with Move bundle is #400. On launch, there will be about 15-20 titles for Move.

Time Crisis, Singstar, Echochrome, etc. will be some of those games, while some existing games will get updates for compatibility.

Next, a video for Move.

Oh come on, two Move controllers for volleyball? Seriously? There's like a conspiracy in play here. Sports Champions, Start the Party, Singstar, Eyepet, Heroes on the Move, TV Superstars, SOCOM 4, Time Crisis Razing Storm, The Shoot, Resident Evil 5 Gold Edition, Lord of the Rings, Tron Evolution, Sorcery are the games included in the trailer.

PSP is next. A new ad campaign is unveiled with Peace Walker featured.

It's called "Meet Marcus". And he's kind of annoying.

OK, Sony, any games?

Invizimals is apparently a "major" enough game to market. Meh. Uses augmented reality for pets like Kinectimals.

But alas, we have God of War: Ghost of Sparta. Ready at Dawn returns to the PSP. There must be hope.

Tretton name drops a few more games, and there will be "70 new titles by December". Look! ModNation! Kingdom Hearts! Hot Shots!

The 3rd Birthday looks really interesting.

Next part of the talk is the rather notorious PSN.

It hosts some shows like "The Tester" and will be expanding to other countries. PlayStation Home will also have its own version of the Sony E3 booth, and... I guess it's pretty cool?

Jack Tretton also announced Sony's acquisition of Media Molecule, and that could only mean some more creative exclusives for the PlayStation. After the rather exciting trailer released a few weeks ago, it would be pretty cool to see an actual demo of their promise for "a platform for games".

I'm surprised there weren't any Move demoes for this game.

PlayStation Plus is then announced, which takes PSN to the next level. It's a subscription service that promises exclusive content, exclusive betas, Minis, discounts and more. It's $49.99 for a full year. 3 months free for now.

But will it have good servers and party chat?

Still, I like Chrono Cross for free. Although it's kind of weird not to match Microsoft's ESPN, Netflix and Facebook offerings.

An EA executive is then called to the stage to announce some PS exclusives. Medal of Honor is going to receive some exclusive content apparently.

There's going to be a multiplayer map, and the beta will be available June 21. There will be a remastered version of Medal of Honor Frontline.

Next: Dead Space 2.

That is intense, kind of creepy even. Damn, I have to finish the first one, pronto.

Dead Space 2 Limited Edition will include Dead Space Extraction with Move support. For PS3. He goes on to mention all the other major EA franchises. Well, how about Mass Effect? Yeah, thought so.

Next: GLaDOS!

HOLY CRAP. VALVE. GABE NEWELL.

He's eating his words as he speaks.

The cake is not a lie: Portal 2 is coming to the PS3. "It's been a long time. How have you been?"

Portal 2 looks insane. Even though I suffered massive nausea with the first one, I still really loved it. Kudos to Sony for actually negotiating with Valve instead of poo-pooing it.

Next is Final Fantasy XIV Online.

It's an MMO much like Final Fantasy XI, and apparently it's pretty much PS3 exclusive unlike its predecessor.

Mafia II is name-dropped, and will feature day-one exclusive DLC for PS3.

Ubisoft is next and expanding Assassin's Creed with Assassin's Creed Brotherhood. It will feature a multiplayer mode, and will only have a PS3 beta.

Well, that's a lot of exclusives.

A PS3 games reel is shown next, because Sony wants people to remember that no, CoD is not 360-exclusive, MGS Rising is not 360-exclusive and Madden is most definitely not 360-exclusive.

A lot of them titles intrigue me highly.

Gran Turismo 5 the title that's been exhibited around since God-knows-when is getting featured again.

Graphics look absurdly realistic. Top Gear videos a nice touch.

Concrete release date, please? Oh look, finally: November 2, 2010. Absurd.

Sucker Punch Studios is up next for inFamous 2. Cole's back and more electrifying than ever.

Looks like he has ice powers, that's... wait for it, cool.

Another trailer is shown. An ad for what though?

Twisted Metal.

That's kind of disturbing. Clowns? Lol, what?

David Jaffe is back on stage to pretty much seal the deal for Sony. And what better way to do that than to demonstrate some destruction?

Crazy classic gameplay right there.

A new team mode is also introduced, "designed to bring out skill and strategy". It's called Twisted Metal Nuke and it takes place in a dilapidated, post-apocalyptic-ish city that's ripe for destruction.

Woah, that's just crazy and sadistic.

I guess you can expect no less from the creator of God of War.

Jack Tretton closes the conference with the same summary you'd hear in a Nintendo conference. Only difference is that Tretton actually acknowledges, I don't know, the fans while Reggie flaunted his booth babes to the audience with his smug little face and showed off the 3DS. Granted, the smugness was warranted because the 3DS is kind of awesome, but come on, Ninty, show the fans some sugar.

Facebook movie chugs along

2010-06-19T13:55:00.001+08:00

David Fincher's follow-up to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a bit less whimsical and much more grounded in reality. A glorification (and likely stylized) look at the creation of what we now know as Facebook is most definitely chugging along at a fast rate, and the rumored $47 million dollar movie will star a few notables like Jesse Eisenberg and Justin Timberlake.

In case you haven't caught wind of any news about this film, it's called The Social Network.

Based on a book by Ben Mezrich called The Accidental Billionaires: The Founding of Facebook, a Tale of Sex, Money, Genius and Betrayal and adapted by none other than The West Wing's Aaron Sorkin, this interesting movie set in modern times is shaping up to be a pretty darn exciting thing to look out for.

It will cover the happenings that revolved around the creation of the aforementioned social networking site, as well as the exploits that Eduardo Saverin and Mark Zuckerberg were involved in. Hey, they're two kids who wanted to get laid. Now they're on top of the world.

You can read more about the film's premise in the source of this news piece: Slashfilm.

Movies Opening This Week: Scientologist Stalkers

2010-06-19T03:34:00.002+08:00

Ahh, Tom Cruise. When did we last see that guy?

Oh yeah, he was Les Grossman in Tropic Thunder 2 years ago. A character now being developed in to a movie by Ben Stiller and Paramount.

In the interim though, what was he doing?!

Knight and Day

Whatever it was, it must’ve been quite similar to the premise of Knight and Day. He sat on a plane, stalked a girl, and shot guns all for the sake of Scientology. Plausible enough, don’t you agree?

That aside, I think this looks better than Killers. Also, I like Cameron Diaz more than Katherine Heigl, so maybe this is purely subjective conjecture.

Also, the action scenes look pretty decent, but the trailer just spoils a bit too much for comfort. It isn’t marketed as a particularly conventional rom-com because in essence, it feels more like Duplicity minus the empowered female agent character of Julia Roberts.

A little bonus is the somewhat conspiratorial vibe they’re going for; there’s something about it that feels as if it will spring a plot twist that’s LOST on you.

Ha! Get it?

Uhh…

Ba-dum-tish!

Grown-Ups

Adam Sandler and his posse of man-children (and notably, Rob Schneider and his first major movie since… who cares?) are old pals who meet up 30 years after they split. Since they’re wearing mourning attire, they probably shot it right after Chris Rock finished his Funeral movie, and man does this movie look insanely lame!

It’s either they’re saving the best gags for people to become surprised with, or it just means that the presence of Rob Schneider is but a bad omen to a potentially good, if not safe, premise. There will be obvious fat jokes, fart jokes, black jokes, and MILF jokes all around.

If you really want to watch a comedy though, get Get Him to the Greek or Cyrus, because while this movie’s jokes are probably legion, those two Jonah Hill movies are probably actually funny. Quality beats quantity. Two beats four. The works.

Apps Weekly: Guitar Hero + Foosball HD

2010-06-16T14:59:00.000+08:00

Guitar Hero
$2.99
Activision, Vicarious Visions
Rated 12+, compatible with iOS 3.0 or later

I'm an unabashed Rock Band fanboy, but there's something I have to admit about this iPhone app: it's very well thought-out.

Featuring a more appealing interface than EA Mobile's Rock Band iPhone game, Guitar Hero contains much polish that'll make the 3 dollars worth it for that alone.

The "Backstage" feature will let you customize your character's hair, face, body, clothes, etc.

You can select from a wide range of colors, so you can mix and match your fashion-forward avatar.

However, for more options, you'll have to play through the actual game to get more clothes/faces/hairdos and so on.

You can share your avatar through Facebook, and take a photo of it.

Obviously though, the game actually revolves around guitar and bass. Yes, you heard it right. No drums, no vocals, it's all a stripped down, back-to-basics version of the Guitar Hero that people originally really loved, me included.

You have a (very paltry) selection of 6 songs, ranging from Queen, Weezer to Vampire Weekend. You can sort by artist, score rank, difficulty level and title.

After selecting from either Guitar or Bass, you'll be able to get into the game, which involves the usually tapping of gems. See that arrow though? That means you should slide the gem as it reaches the tap area. Another way they shook up the game mechanics come with the hammer-on's, which are tied together by a purple line. You can slide your finger across those gems to perform usually hard riffs.

And when you go through enough starred gems, you can activate Star Power, which involves a little tap of a blue bar found above the tapping area.

This all sounds well and good, but the game doesn't allow for two player matches like Rock Band iPhone's 4-player games, nor does it necessarily have a stable frame rate. Yes, there's lag even when you're using a 3rd generation iDevice. The timing window can be a bit off at times too. Somehow, Rock Band is more responsive than this game, but that's not to say this game is broken, it just needs some performance tweaks.

When you finish a song, you get a star rating, and interestingly at the bottom, you also get a sort of "level up system". Depending on the achievements you are able to unlock, your guitar tapping skills will level up.

What's more interesting though, is that each song has its own individual achievements, which is a great addictive touch.

If you get bored with the game, you can definitely buy more songs from the Store, but unlike Rock Band, it doesn't have any free songs to download... yet.

Were this game priced at Rock Band's $9.99, I would call this one a rip-off, but since it's $2.99 for this amount of detail, polish and user-friendliness, I'll let it off the hook and wholeheartedly recommend it.

Rating: 7/10

This week at WWDC, Illusion Labs, makers of games like Labyrinth 2 and Sway, comes to the iPad with an exclusive title called Foosball HD.

Like all of Illusion Labs' games, the game features a lot of polished graphics and gameplay mechanics. Social gaming is definitely a better fit on the iPad, and Foosball might just be the thing to whet a World Cup fan's appetite until the next game rolls along.

E3: Nintendo brings on the pain

2010-06-16T13:47:00.000+08:00

Reggie Fils-Aime comes on stage because he wants to change the way you view the word "technology". "It shouldn't be about HD, Blu-ray, but it should be about the experience. Great technology married to great design is an experience like no other."

Ninty brings out the big guns, "an experience you've been waiting for". Yes, it's The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. Semi-cel-shaded, semi-Twilight Princess. Wow.

Shigeru Miyamoto suddenly appears on a green screen dubbed in English, explaining the history of Zelda development circa 2004.

Wii MotionPlus was apparently key to the development of this new game, and Miyamoto calls for someone to demo the game's new controls. And fails.

Miserably.

Now that things in Nintendo land aren't looking quite good, Miyamoto comes to the rescue!

They're touting 1:1 motion tracking, and it's also failing badly. Hey Shigeru, this game isn't obviously ready for primetime.

Knowing Nintendo though, this game is going to be controlling quite well by release. Maybe there's lag due to the big screen being used, but even with that, the game's obviously still a work-in-progress.

Even with that, I like how you can actually control a few objects more granularly, in the sense that bombs can either be thrown or rolled. Miyamoto's blaming these snafus on Wi-fi interference though, and this is really Steve Jobs of them.

New gadgets include a beetle you can fly around with which is really cool. It'll kind of let you fly around a level to inspect and pick up unreachable items. Another item of interest is a whip you can use. A whip. Your dominatrix Zelda fanfiction just came true.

Seriously though, that whip is cool.

I know what's in store for this conference, but if I were actually watching this keynote for the first time, I would have my expectations lowered, if only because of these technicalities.

Reggie Fils-Aime goes back on stage to announce a new Mario game. No, it's not Galaxy 3, it's a sports game. Has volleyball, hockey, and basketball, all glorified with that arcade style Mario's known for. Coming in 2011, it's Mario Sports Mix. Might be fun, who knows?

Fils-Aime addresses some criticism for Wii, how it has waned in popularity and how games are sold less as time passes. "They're false assumptions," says Reggie. He then goes on to enumerate a lot of first-party games, thus somewhat making Reggie's claims pointless.

He then segueways to Nintendo's next "bridge" game: Wii Party.

In the spirit of Wii Play, it's pretty much another social game that's full of mini-games.

Next, Just Dance. Ubisoft's freaking everywhere.

I don't care much for it.

Fils-Aime goes back to the hardcore gamers by addressing the somewhat brief mention of a Golden Sun game for the DS last year. Now, it's getting a full-on trailer, along with a subtitle (Golden Sun: Dark Dawn). Looks really good.

I'm so loving my DS. Arrives "this holiday season".

Next comes a sudden segment talking about a new Goldeneye game. That's... very surprising! And the graphics look bad, a deliberate homage to the N64 days, or low production values?

I love that it has Daniel Craig in it, and it actually looks exciting. Activision's making it though. Hmm... well, maybe not Treyarch but yeah. It "arrives this holiday".

Epic Mickey is next on the pipeline, and I'm excited to see some really unique gameplay.

Warren Spector, the much-storied designer for Epic Mickey is called on stage to demo the game.

It's a 3D platformer with a catch: you can manipulate the world with your paint and paint thinner. You can draw things and erase the world.

Masahiro Sakurai is being featured by Reggie, and wait for it: Kirby's finally getting a new game in a console! The first time in seven years!

It's called Kirby: Epic Yarn, and the game looks astoundingly unique. This looks like art. Wow. Looks like it supports multiplayer. Releasing "this fall". That's a lot of blockbusters in one year!

Next game: Dragon Quest 9 for the DS. It's out in Japan, with 120 mini-quests (with more on WiFi), the ability to link with up to three DS's in an adventure and an lot of random treasure maps, this RPG is a huge craze over there. A localized version will be released on July 11.

Next, Metroid: Other M.

A return to 2D with FPS elements, it's pretty much Metroid with a new coat of paint.

Next, Retro Studios is working on a new Donkey Kong game. Yes, Donkey Kong Country is back. More specifically, it Returns.

Excellent.

Next: "3DS is on the way".

Satoru Iwata takes the stage and holds the new 3DS on his hand. The top screen is widescreen, and displays 3D without glasses.

There are a lot of cameras on the device. The cameras on the back are actually capable of taking 3D pictures: a nice touch. Also, Iwata reveals a new Slide Pad located above the d-pad. It will play some 3D movies from content providers like Disney, Warner Bros. and Dreamworks.

Next Iwata reveals Project Sora being worked on by Sakurai. What is it? It's Kid Icarus Uprising. Holy freaking crap.

"Sorry to keep you waiting!"

Wow. Talk about a great graphical upgrade for a handheld.

Another feature of note Iwata is introducing is a new way for games to communicate to your system. Basically, the old DS would have Nintendogs running, and under a Wi-Fi access point, another Nintendogs owner would be able to see you and wake your dog up, but the connection would stop when the cartridge was removed. Now, even without the cartridge, a 3DS can be communicated to. Does this mean that any software stored in the 3DS is finally separate from the hardware? Does this make the software downloaded from the DSi Store assigned to a user ID rather than an individual system? There are a lot of questions surrounding the specifics, but I hope Nintendo can sort all of those issues out.

Also, the launch lineup includes Nintendogs + Cats, as well as a lot of third-party titles from developers like Warner Bros., Atlus, Hudson, Marvelous, Ubisoft, SEGA, Harmonix, EA, Capcom, Bandai-Namco, Konami and more.

DJ Hero 3D, Professor Layton, Saint's Row, Madden NFL, Dynasty Warriors, Resident Evil, Kingdom Hearts, Batman, Assassin's Creed, Ridge Racer and here's a coup: METAL GEAR SOLID.

Bombshell, much?

A video about the Nintendo 3DS is shown.

I'm willing to bet that 5th Cell won't be leaving the DS any time soon.

In the end though, I'm so glad that Nintendo is going back and appealing once more to the hardcore. As Iwata said, "we've established the install base, now we want to make compelling games".

Another video is shown though featuring Satoru Iwata, Shigeru Miyamoto and Reggie Fils-Aime this time.

So far, this is really the only 3D display technology I've felt compelled to buy. And I really like how Reggie Fils-Aime got burned.

Reggie summons his echelon of booth babes to demonstrate the power of 3DS. I really want to see how the "3D sensation" will work. "No more glasses" should be the way of the future, really. Sony and Microsoft are working on 3D gaming but they have glasses. Nintendo is a step ahead.

Sounds fanboyish, but it's not.

P.S.

Other notable 3DS launch titles: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is being remade, along with Star Fox. That's awesome.

E3 '10: Microsoft fails to Kinect.

2010-06-15T21:22:00.001+08:00

From forced excitement to awkward Wii Sports rip-offs, Microsoft really put up a rather underwhelming E3 conference, touting a look at the future of gaming.

If you don't want to hear me rambling about it though, you can just watch the whole thing for yourself.

It all starts... with Black Ops.

(Not the E3 trailer.)

Now that Infinity Ward has been dissolved, it's up to Treyarch to maintain the series' integrity. Yes, they've had cracks at it in the past, but none of them have really been as critically acclaimed. Still, the stage set for Black Ops is not the World War II anymore, which is promisingly fresh, because now we're on Vietnam. Yes, it's the 70's in this new go-around.

Unfortunately, I suffer from a lot of nausea when playing a lot of FPS games, so even if I were actually interested in this new installment, I wouldn't be able to last 20 seconds with it.

Next, Senior Vice President Don Mattrick is reading the teleprompter badly. Seriously.

He announces an exclusivity deal for Black Ops DLC, and moves on to mention the Xbox's 10 year anniversary. He segueways a bit into Project Natal- now dubbed "Kinect"- and it's "all about showing, not telling".

He calls Hideo Kojima on to the stage and, as last year's E3 announcement for MGS Rising promised, he delivers some actual gameplay footage. Shigenobu Matsuyama, producer of the game, is called on to provide a slightly clearer English-language explanation. "Zan-Datsu" - to cut and to take- is a driving force behind the awesome-looking multiplatform game.

The only question is: are there cutscenes?

Other than that, this title looks extremely hardcore. That is so badass. Come on though, watermelon cutting simulator? Lol.

Phil Spencer, Corporate VP, comes on stage. He's a better speaker.

He goes on to name drop some high-profile titles, but then goes on about Kinect's ability to connect people. But whatever, it's Gears of War 3 time. 4 player Locust ass-kicking.

Did anybody say Left 4 Dead?

OK, OK, I confess: it looks pretty fun.

Cliffy B.: "Now that's our demo. Try out Beast mode later."

Wait, he forgot to mention about how much he'll be ranting more about bird poop on TV.

Peter Molyneux, expert British rambler and legendary game designer, is called on stage. Fable III to be covered.

Looks exciting. And the dog returns.

Next, Microsoft Game Studios presents a new game from a new partner: Crytek.

Now that God of War has come to an end, there should be something that fills the void. These Spartans in Codename: Kingdoms may just be the thing, and what better developer to handle a graphically astounding epic than Crytek?

Next is Halo: Reach, which I have zero interest in.

All I know is that there are space battles.

Next exec to be called is Marc Whitten.

Time to demo Kinect. I'm very compelled with the navigation controls because it does voice and face recognition, which is very cool.

Fast forward to about 20 minutes to see how cool the navigation interface is.

"Xbox! Pron!"

Also, Justin Bieber? Demo? Gamers? Seriously?

Now it's time for FaceTime, I mean, VideoKinect. It's great that you can chat with people who are on Windows Live Messenger instead of just Xbox to Xbox. Why does Apple's demo feel cooler for some reason?

I like how you can watch videos together. But the really forced (scripted?) conversation stifles the mood, even when the camera follows your face which is a very good touch (although I hope it also follows colored people's faces, unlike some HP computers).

Next, ESPN streaming for Xbox 360 is announced. I imagine a lot of sports fans are cheering right now, but of course, your network provider must be supported by ESPN.

The two guys from SportsCenter "commute in just seconds to E3". I don't particularly care, still it looks like a great implementation of an "ultimate sports experience".

Now it's time to demo the Kinect library, and Kudo Tsunoda is back to "deliver on last year's promises".

A family-friendly derivative of Nintendogs is announced, and it's called Kinectimals. That little girl pretending to be licked at is so... ughhhh...

Bright side: you're taking care of a tiger!

Next is, well, the uninspired Kinect Sports. Ubisoft also announced a Kinect sports compilation and... I'm kind of sick of them.

Well, if I wanted to run like a running dumbass, I would've bought that old NES Track and Field game. At least, you can play soccer. Ping pong without a controller though is gonna be tricky.

Next: Kinect Joy Ride.

"Here we go..."

Wow, worst feigned enthusiasm ever.

You know that game show Wipeout? Well, Kinect Adventures is kind of like that... I guess. But seriously, are they actually faking fun?

"Look at the water!"

I hate you people.

Sims are more convincing in faking their fun.

Ubisoft demos their Kinect game. A fitness game called Your Shape: Fitness Evolved.

Hmm, looks like an actual attempt at a decent fitness game. They actual demo this game, but I'm too lazy to look for the demo video.

Interestingly, the Kinect is actually made for these games. Dude, this is the new Wii Fit craze. This thing will sell because of Your Shape.

Next for Kinect is Harmonix's dance game Dance Central. I love Harmonix, but...

...oh. Interesting. This actually looks badass given the right presentation. Alex Rigopoulos goes on stage to announce some tracks from Lady Gaga, No Doubt, etc. and Harmonix has worked with "actual dancers so the game lets you do the real deal". Otherwise known as "not looking as stupid as it really should be".

That said, there is still a lot of opportunity to look dumb regardless.

What's great though is something that resembles a bit of drop-in-drop-out, or maybe it's just me.

Kinect will be launching worldwide on November 4, 2010 with 15 titles set for launch. Yes, there's a Sonic game.

Lol, what?

No demoes for that, but I'm interested in how it'll actually happen.

But what they do show a demo for is a freaking Star Wars game. It may or may note come with something tangible.

Hit detection looks iffy though.

Afterwards is a demo for Forza Motorsport for Kinect, and I don't really care much for that game because I really don't like the idea of a non-tangible steering wheel. Maybe for car creation though.

Will Kinect hold up to the demands of precision that a racing simulation demands?

Don Mattrick comes back on stage and from here on I'm feeling a bit indifferent.

He recaps whatever the teleprompter says, and definitely tries hard to appeal to Nintendo's blue ocean. To be honest, some games look good, but some games just look stupid.

Aside from that, he announces the completely redesigned Xbox 360 Slim. 250GB HDD, built-in Wi-Fi, Kinect-ready. $299. That's a pretty competitive price against the PS3.

It's shipping today.

And the audience is getting one.

They just got OPRAH'D!

"That was really fun," says Mattrick. Yeah, a fun bribe. An otherwise lackluster conference can only be made good with a stunt like this.

Truth be told, I'd really love to have one of those for free...

P.S.

The Cheapest Mac, More Expensive.

2010-06-15T19:03:00.001+08:00

I'm surprised this isn't the advertising tagline of the newly, quietly redesigned Mac Mini computer.

If you go to the Apple website, you'll see a little insignificant mention of the redesign located below the huge iPhone 4 photo.

Quite frankly, it looks so sleek.

It finally has the pleasure of possessing a sturdy Aluminum unibody enclosure, meaning that the computer is actually carved from a single large block of aluminum. Also, it finally has a feature that major Apple detractors have nagged the company for: an HDMI port. Yes, Apple's been listening to those interested in a computer for a home theater and the HDMI port is major news.

Also packed in the machine is an SD card slot, and unfortunately, the DVI video adapter has gone extinct.

It still doesn't really play Blu-Ray's though, which is probably the large contradiction to the inclusion of an HDMI port.

The discs aren't quite popular internationally, as that debacle can be easily replaced by either iTunes, or for even better quality movies, torrents.

Apple touts the lack of a power brick, as well as a more accessible interior for when you decide to upgrade the internals.

Accessing this somewhat clean looking interior is only a matter of removing a sort of removable panel.

That said, the machine, while attractive aesthetically, is priced expensively at $699, up from $599. It doesn't come with a monitor, nor a mouse and keyboard like the iMac, which kind of makes the iMac an even more compelling product when you look at it another way.

Still, the price hike is somewhat justified in the loosest sense of the word because the base model already comes with even more hard drive space (320GB-500GB), better graphics (NVidia GeForce 320M), and a high amount of RAM (4GB upgradeable to 8GB, DDR3). No Core i5 or i7, just a Core 2 Duo like the Macbook white.

Microsoft Kinect Pre-Con

2010-06-14T20:10:00.001+08:00

Picture it: E3. You're wearing some white thing and you're about to demo Microsoft's most ambitious gaming-oriented accessory.

Well, I can certainly picture that image with the help of Twitpic, and in the words of @jeffcannata, "Microsoft has indoctrinated us," which looks to be the case.

Just when you thought Microsoft's Project Natal was a pretty bad code name, Microsoft just rebranded the camera-based motion controller with an even worse finalized name for market: Kinect.

I'm fine with Microsoft's Kin phones, but Kinect is just... a dumb play on words.

Demoed on the show floor a few hours prior to its imminent keynote (it's just a mere 5 hours to go as I type this), Kinect elicited quite a few negative reactions. True, the controller lives up to its promise of voice recognition, body position recognition and hand recognition, but the imminent game library supporting it isn't too promising. Another Wii Sports knock-off, Wii Fit knock-off and a driving game headline the launch line-up.

It's true that Microsoft may have saved the more hardcore titles for last, but as of now, I'm left unimpressed by the lack of compelling games the Kinect has been announced to have.

Also: Harmonix has confirmed the existence of a dance game that runs under Kinect. I guess, that's something to look out for in tomorrow's conference.

This Time in Games: Pre-E3 Rock Band Orga...nizing

2010-06-14T06:24:00.000+08:00

Do you know what a bombshell looks like, aside from the obligatory Jessica Rabbit picture?

It looks like this:

What you're seeing here is the plastic prototype keyboard-slash-keytar-hybrid that'll work with yes, Rock Band 3.

And I couldn't be any more excited.

Aside from that, there are the obvious gameplay enhancements of vocal harmonies, pause counters, drop-in drop-out, and more. Top that up with even better graphics, animations and lighting effects and you've got yourself a day-one purchase.

Notably, there is also a DS version coming out. Puzzles me that a PSP version is not present this time around. Hopefully, the DS version will bring some Amplitude style gameplay, which I really, really loved when I got my hands on it.

Unexpectedly so, Harmonix has also included support for real true-blue instruments that can be connected to your computer as a MIDI instrument. No really, you can get your real electric guitar/keyboard/drums and connect it to Rock Band. It's all made possible by the little adapter below:

How, one will wonder, will a real instrument translate to the game? To answer your question, there's a new Pro mode for all the hardcore fans out there.

It'll be a note-for-note representation of the real song, so basically, there will be a lot of actual keys on the screen that you can really play from in real life. Not only does this make Rock Band 3 a fun game, it can also be a bonafide learning tool.

Harmonix is also offering its own six-stringed guitars ($150) and drum cymbals ($39) for those who don't own a real guitar but are interested in PRO mode. They will all be compatible with your computer as MIDI devices if you want to start composing your own songs.

A lot of things are a given on the 360 and PS3 side of the coin, but the Wii side, well, there are still a lot of unclear details. I won't get into them though.

There will also be smaller touches, like Facebook/Twitter connectivity, song filters and setlist creation tools, that make the game a lot more usable and quick to set up.

But I'm not all about Rock Band 3, there's been some buzz about a Mortal Kombat Rebirth movie pitch that's been distributed around the interwebs, and quite frankly, the results are positively shocking!

It's rumored to have been a pitch for Warner Bros., and I can't believe how much potential this kind of has. Still, I can't say much more since video game adaptations have a history of being really bad. Maybe this video will live a great life as a viral short, but as a full-blown movie, it might just suck ass.

More serious are the former guys of the dissolved studio Midway (now dubbed NetherRealm Studios) who are working on a real Mortal Kombat game that looks really fun for once.

It marks a return to its 2D roots, but with polygonal characters (you know, like Street Fighter IV). What's different though, is the fact that the game will also feature tag battles much like Marvel vs. Capcom 2 famously did. In addition, the good ol' fatalities return, along with "environmental fatalities", and perhaps even "brutalities". All in all, it's likely to feature much gore and brutal action.

Ed Boon, one of the original creators of MK, is once again working on it with a team in Chicago.

Movies Opening This Week: Van Helsing the Western

2010-06-13T05:58:00.000+08:00

It feels weird when a childhood franchise has its characters grow up with you.

Toy Story 3
While it's true that toys don't mature physically, their owners do and eventually, they get dumped and ignored.

For the much-beloved Toy Story gang, this fact has held true. Andy's now going to college, and what better way to give your toys a new life by donating them to a daycare?

Look out for quirky characters aplenty.

The trailer spills a bit more than required, but much of the voice talents return to their classic characters and more importantly, the mature humor stays intact. I mean, come on, you've got the writer of Little Miss Sunshine on board.

It won't get the perfect 100% that its predecessors maintain on Rotten Tomatoes, for sure, but the return of the iconic Woody-Buzz duo is enough reason to be nostalgic about childhood, among other things.

But if Toy Story's too kiddy for you, there's always...

Jonah Hex
Don't be surprised: this is gonna be a crappy movie.

If you can remember that Hugh Jackman movie from years past, Van Helsing, then you'll probably have more or less an idea about what this comic book adaptation will contain.

I mean, come on, that crossbow, those guns, the paranormal Pushing Daisies thing that they have going on. It feels like Van Helsing for me, but contained in a Western movie, featuring Megan Fox as Josh Brolin's (lolwhut?) love interest. Doesn't look like much fun, but hey, maybe it'll be better than Transformers 3.

The WWDC Recap

2010-06-12T12:40:00.003+08:00

The main enchilada, the iPhone 4, was announced to much applause in spite of the much-publicized leak.

This is the power of a speaker who knows how to engage his audience.

While Steve Jobs does his routine stockholder stroking in the form of iPad and iOS sales figures, he also gets the audience interested in features we've all seen before in older phones.

FaceTime, Apple's moniker for video calling, had a pretty good commercial that tugs at your heartstrings, and it shows how simple you could change between normal phone calls and video calls.

It has yet to be known whether Apple can pull off the popularization of this feature for now, but tech sites that have tested it out have proven that the feature is quite seamless and easy, unlike the older implementations of the feature.

Adding to that would be a camera that's been upped to 5 megapixels, as well as 720p high-definition video recording. I'm not sure it'll replace my mom's Bloggie, but so far, people have been raving about the camera as well. Yes, my Sony Ericsson can do 8 megapixels, but I'll be damned if I didn't say the photos of my phone can be a bit lackluster despite the megapixels.

In its website, Apple has posted a few pictures taken with the brand new camera, and claims that they are not retouched in any way.

That picture up there is one of them, and it's clear that the camera has been improved quite a bit from the 3GS's crappy camera.

There's also a demonstration of unretouched HD video, but the quality isn't really all that hot for me.

Another point of discussion is the Retina Display that Apple's been touting. It's basically the screen becoming so crammed with pixels that your retina can't even discern them anymore. Here's a real-life demo: go real close to your screen. Real close. What do you see? Boxes. More specifically, pixels. What of those pixels, you say? And why does it matter if you can discern these pixels from up close? Well, the iPhone 4 doesn't have visible pixels, and as a result, the screen can display some really impressive text and more refined colors than any phone in the market. Or at least, that's what the tech press are agreeing with.

I've read somewhere in TechCrunch (or was it Giz?) that not being able to discern any pixels was a great problem to have, however, a lot of "experts" have been derailing Jobs' claims back and forth. Samsung claims AMOLED is superior, while Wired reports that it's all slightly false advertising. This article clarifies that if you have 20/20 vision, then maybe Jobs' claims are a lie. As it stands though, I know far too few people who have perfect vision, if at all. After 20/20, you won't be able to discern the pixels of the new display.

Also, Steve Jobs revealed the iPhone's new form factor as a marvel of engineering. That metallic side with three random lines? That's the antenna. It seems quite random for Apple to change up the antenna, but it's quite possible that there's something wrong with the old antenna, more specifically, signal strength.

Despite the beefier display, powerful processor and the gyroscope (think Wii MotionPlus), they managed to make the battery a lot larger, and as a result, the battery life has become improved by 40%. Apple's claims are usually theoretical and even conservative. Since their iPad claims were held to be true, it's hard to say that the iPhone won't have the same impressive 10 hour battery life (browsing on WiFi; 40 hours playing music).

As is tradition with WWDC of recent years, there are obligatory app demoes from third-party developers like Zynga and Activision.

Yes, you read Zynga right.

Effing Farmville.

Also, Activision demoed its Guitar Hero app, now available for $2.99.

I'm currently reviewing this one, and quite frankly, there's something that feels wrong about the all-important issue of lag and its song selection is paltry.

In addition to that, Netflix for the iPhone was demoed, but I don't give a crap about Netflix.

Also, Apple announced some enhancements to its iBooks (PDF support, bookmarking, etc), as well as the debut of an iMovie app.

To start, iMovie is usually an HD video editing application bundled for free with new Macintosh computers that allows users to make quick cuts and edits, as well as a few effects like Green Screen and Picture-in-Picture. This iPhone version is an adaptation of that concept, however, said video effects have yet to be shown; maybe they're not even included.

Lastly, the iPhone OS has been rebranded into iOS to reflect its presence on iPad and iPod, and developers have been given a "Golden Master Candidate" for tweaking and compatibility during app development.

The new iPhone 4 has been slated for release in 88 countries by September. The usual $199, $299 price points for 16 and 32GB models apply, with a selection of two colors: black and pure white. A $24 dollar "bumper" accessory (a silicone protector) is going to be sold at launch.

Jobs ended the keynote with a lot of gratitude towards key Apple staff, but not Grey Powell, the guy who lost the late-stage prototype iPhone 4. Ala the iPad, a video was also shown recapping all the new iPhone 4 features to conclude everything.

Has the iPhone 4 changed everything? Again? It'll be a game of wait and see.

iPhone 4 (re-)revealed

2010-06-08T20:54:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's WWDC had Steve Jobs on stage once again to show off the recently leaked new iPhone. While Gizmodo's revealing first look had them looking at hardware specs and a resolution assessment, nothing's better than details that come from the horse's mouth.

Nothing was particularly changed in the exterior, which means most of the features that were assessed during the much-storied leak have proven to be true (thus leading to Gizmodo's non-invitation) so that means, it has a brand new glass-plastic combo of an exterior, a lot of un-Apple-like seams, and separate, honest-to-goodness buttons for volume control. It runs on micro-SIM (so you may actually have to cut your SIM card) like the iPad and ships with the newly rebranded iOS 4.

The much hyped upgrade brings about some direly-needed upgrades: a 5 megapixel camera that shoots actual high-definition video plus LED flash, a front-facing camera for "one-tap video calls" through an app called "FaceTime", extravagantly upgraded motion controls thru gyroscopes, and a crazy fast Apple A4 chip. Two unexpected upgrades though, come with the doubled resolution of the screen ("Retina Display") making text sharper for that iBooks app that's coming to the phone, as well as the noise-canceling microphone, which sounds pretty cool.

Another new development comes with the fact that the phone will come in pure white; the front side of the phone shall be the same with the backside.

Supporting the announcement is a positively killer iMovie app, which lets consumers edit videos with professional sheen, and the fact that other (positively upcoming) phones will actually be able to use the video chat with the iPhone because Apple is aiming to have FaceTime become an industry standard.

I haven't really watched the WWDC keynote in its entirety, so no "impressions" for now, maybe never. For now, I have zero an idea as to how all that new crap works.

The new phone is slated for release in late June, and will roll out to 80+ countries by September, making it "the fastest international rollout yet".

Movies Opening This Week: Sex and the City... fo' foo's

2010-06-05T11:42:00.000+08:00

Rue McClanahan died yesterday of a stroke, thus rendering the ever resilient Betty White becoming the last of the original Sex and the City gang- that is, The Golden Girls. While the movies releasing this week don't have jack to do with this, I just find that putting a tacked-on label to a movie involving a foursome would give me an excuse to actually acknowledge how sad this death is.

The A-Team
But people will move on, and the men will especially want to forget the images seen last week with Sex and the City and finally get revenge with their own version of that "feminist movie".

And by God does that absurd airplane-to-tank action setpiece in the last part look amazing.

Based on an old 80's series, this update has four dudes jailed for the wrong reasons, and they want to clear their name by killing the dude who framed them. This feels like the premise of The Losers, but then this is looking like its superior version, if really, you want to even talk about what movie went first.

True, true, this is another one of those updates that take advantage of the money raked in through 80's nostalgia, but hey, the action looks awesome, and a Mr. T look-alike is starring in there! You might as well be a foo' to miss this one.

Another cash-in to 80's nostalgia though?

The Karate Kid
I have no issues with Jaden Smith and his skin color, because any kid could play another version of the original 80's classic.

Still, is it just me or does this movie actually look better than expected?

A lot of people probably already know what happens in this movie, so even if the trailer spills enough to feel like spoilage, no one would really care much.

This is basically the story of a boy who gets bullied all the time... in China, because his mother wants a "better life" for them (seriously? China?). As the boy gets bullied, Mr. Miyagi, played by Jackie Chan and his rather justified thick accent, "rescues" him and decides to train him in the art of Karate.

I still can't get over at how positively good an update this movie is shaping up to be. Obviously, it will not be able to capture the hearts and minds as the original did for its generation, but the story for this updated version looks decent enough to justify a viewing, and it's not just as crappy as other people have expected. It's still a bit like a cash-in, make no mistake about it, but at least it feels as if a bit of effort was put into cinematography and the backstory with regards to the Jaden Smith character.

An Exercise of Restraint

2010-06-04T11:31:00.001+08:00

As the newest Lady Gaga video for Alejandro approaches release, I figured it was only a matter of time before her rumored 7-minute black-and-white splash will spike up the charts and cannibalize even Telephone. It won't be a conversation-starter because of product placement, as Telephone primarily was, it will probably be a conversation-starter for something even more negative: her increasingly annoying penchant for pretentiousness.

You can't really say that music video length already equates to being pretentious- I mean, Michael Jackson has two music videos (as far as I know) that famously exceed 10 minutes- but when you think about it, there's something in Gaga's videos that pretty much scream for attention.

Is it because Stefani Germanotta, the lady behind the mask, actually knows what she's doing? Could it be her way of taking advantage of the fickle American taste and overstating herself to make a metaphor? Or is it because... she just doesn't know how to exercise a bit of restraint?

If there's one thing OK Go, or even Madonna in some cases, does well, it's restraint. Why do you think Madonna always gets buzz for her concerts moreso than her music videos, and why does it always feel like a huge event when OK Go quietly releases a new video on their YouTube page? You don't always see them on the tube, that's for sure.

One could argue that all this rambling about Lady Gaga is a product of being overplayed, overexposed or just plain ear fatigue, but in fact, it's kind of the opposite. Personally, she remains a bit of an exciting artist, if only because she seems to be the only current influential artist whose music will undoubtedly endure time. In a decade, people will barely remember 7 Things, but they'll be nostalgic for Just Dance. It's all uncannily Madonna, and Germanotta- who to my disappointment, is classically trained (thus making her automatically and technically better than Madonna)- is all the smarter for it.

But by practically releasing several consecutive music videos that exceed the tolerable threshold of 4 minutes, Lady Gaga risks her becoming obscure faster than you could say Ke$ha (who I doubt will endure enough to make a second album), if only because these videos risk her becoming a very tiring figure to gawk at. The aesthetic, the sex, the "quirky" imagery, the pointless storylines, they get tiring, and because of Lady Gaga, everyone else is keeping tabs as if she were the Apple of the music world. Now we have Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, and even Christina Aguilera following suit, making the music video industry even more unbearable than Pauly Shore.

Lest trendsetter Gaga comes up with something else and actually keeps things simpler, someone else will have to steal the spotlight away from her some time, if only because every mainstream artist following her example makes things sickening by the minute. When Alejandro goes live, be sure to see people looking in the other direction, hoping for someone else to come down and lift them away.

Apps Weekly: Wurdle + Prince of Persia Retro

2010-06-02T19:26:00.001+08:00

Now, we have an oldie, but a goodie.

Wurdle
Semi-Secret Software
$1.99
Rated 4+, compatible with iPhone 2.2 or later

One of the early greats of the App Store roster of games was this little work of genius: Wurdle. What the game basically wants you to do is to look at a board with a lot of letters...

...and swipe up, down, left, right, or any which way diagonally to form any word you can conceive in your head before the time runs out.

The most addictive part of the game is pretty much how you don't really have any restrictions to the number and direction of swipes you make throughout the board. If you manage to make a whole word from the entire table, good for you! When stuck though, you can re-arrange the entire table, at the expense of losing some points.

When the timer runs out, you'll be able to see the entire word list to see words you might have missed, as well as words you were able to pretty much discern from the table.

When you think the game is a bit too kind for you, you can tweak much of its settings to fit your playing style. Heck, you could even change the appearance of the tiles, as well as the dictionary the game uses!

It's a short game perfect for those who are constantly on-the-go, but unlike the old days, the game just doesn't feel as responsive. Still, it's pretty addictive and I come back to it from time to time. The amount of replay value is insane, and the $1.99 tag is well worth it.

Rating: 8/10

But speaking of good oldies, the original 1992 Prince of Persia has finally been ported to the iDevices, including the iPad, likely in preparation for the other Prince of Persia Ubisoft is planning to release for the iPhone, iPod touch and iPad, which is Warrior Within.

Still, the cons that come with a touch-only device plague this game, as if the game wasn't already one full of deaths and falls. The virtual controls will certainly make platforming in this notoriously hard classic even harder, but for a buck though? It's hard to resist. It even doesn't have to rebrand another version of the game with that HD bullcrap, it's a universal app through and through.

Games As Art?

2010-05-30T06:33:00.000+08:00

It's a huge gray area right now- video games being a medium of high art, that is. I'm a bit of a gamer myself so I guess it was high time that I gave a bit of my thoughts on the matter. Much attention has been given towards Roger Ebert's thoughts on the matter, and while I usually agree with most of Ebert's opinions, I just can't shake the fact that, yes I'm saying it, Ebert knows almost squat about video games. Simply put, he probably already doesn't know what he's saying about the matter.

Really, it's all a matter of defining what these words are and understanding these words in the correct perspective. Modern video games exude a lot of adjectives that range from "overly sexualized" to "gorgeously interactive". Like any form of media, the video game has its ups as well as its downs, and in that sense, if you call the motion picture and the TV show forms of artistic expression, bastardizations and all, then video games are definitely a part of "art" in that respect.

A painting is considered art, but that painting could either look really good, or be extremely bad. Perhaps, some paintings can only be appreciated by having an acquired taste, just like how there are movies that engage viewers of another demographic. They inspire debate, they inspire conversation, and they just simply inspire. Video games, in all counts, do the same, if not in an even more escalated form.

Perfect example of an escalated point of conversation comes in the form of most any Rockstar game, really. Grand Theft Auto, for all its pointless violence and hot beverages, is a video game that allows its makers to express their satirical views on society's deranged perception of personalities like homosexuals and immigrants. This series of video games make an effort to get a message out and be relevant, but in a way that they almost become cloaked in a blanket of overexposed media coverage about its violence and sexual themes. Art, by definition, portrays the culture that surrounded its creator/s- our progenitors; and Grand Theft Auto is very much a good example of that. More recently, another Rockstar video game, Red Dead Redemption, also covers some solid ground despite its Spaghetti Western themes.

In the aesthetic viewpoint of art, a huge load of video games already achieve a certain level of artistry that can rival the "modern art" that comes with strange sculptures and modern photography. In fact, some games achieve the effect of being a throwback to the art of old times passed. Okami, which is about Japan's sun god Amaterasu, is practically a traditional Japanese painting from start to finish. This game uses cel-shading techniques that would just look tacky in other media formats like movies, and achieves an engrossing effect that can't be found anywhere else. Arguably, its painting effect outdoes Sin City's, even though their art styles are radically different in contrast.

Hell, how about Assassin's Creed 2? The creators had to go around Europe and research on its landmarks, as well as estimate the state they were in during the Renaissance. As a result, some of the landmarks in the game are in a state that's still in construction, and the realism with the execution of the world is astounding. You won't be able to look at any singular detail in a movie unless you have the time to sit down and rewind through footage. While attention to detail is much appreciated in that medium, it's so much more appreciated in video games, because the player can actually approach something and admire the hard work that went into, say, the area around Florence, Italy.

That said, there's another side to the coin; the other edge of the sword, if you'll allow, to this debate. Some professor of philosophy named Barton Odom said that video games are simply not art, because they do not endure; they date easily, and you'll dump them when the next generation of consoles come out. A lot is true about that statement; it's true that many people don't bother playing their Nintendo 64's anymore, when they have a PS3. But how is it that up until now, the more than 20 year old Super Mario Bros. is still making such an impression on pop culture? Practically everyone knows the layout of its iconic first world, affectionately called World 1-1, and about every other single outlet of medium that is considered art- movies, TV, even paintings and sketches- have at least one example of an allusion to this very video game, even if you do eliminate the horrific disaster that was The Mario Bros. Movie.

More and more people are even appreciative of their old Nintendo Entertainment Systems or their Sega Genesis because they've actually collected a bit of value; and I'm not just talking monetary, but nostalgic as well. Let's put this in movie talk, then. The first time you were able to watch Star Wars, it was revelatory. You watch it a few years later and it seems a bit dated, perhaps a bit cheesy, but the nostalgia value is just oh-so awesome. The same thing applies to games like Zelda or Wolfenstein. The latter even got a re-release, and it was done for a reason. Any creation, when done with love and likewise received with the same affection, can endure the test of time. In a decade or two, people will still know what World 1-1 is, people will still know what Metroid is, and people will most definitely know what the hell a NES is.

And yet, shooters are simply a hard example to back up in this argument (barring Bioshock and Half-Life), because they simply don't have the same level of emotional involvement that comes with other media. Racing games, simulation games and action games, with some exceptions, apply as well. Then again, there's absolutely zero emotional involvement (in a man's part, at the very least) when you go see Sex and the City 2 either. That movie is also as shallow and as masturbatory (in the sense of wish-fulfillment) as the next Leisure Suit Larry game.

Ultimately, someone may dismiss video games as something far from an art form because it's just pretty images and a person sitting down on a couch pushing buttons (or waggling like hell). If that's the case, wouldn't movies ultimately be a person (or a number of people) sitting down on a couch and staring at images? Case here is that people's perceptions about video games may be a tad bit too dumbed down. Movies, people will argue, offer an emotionally invested medium of entertainment and thought-provoking storytelling, and so do games, but in that case, the player is in control of the story, and it makes him even more emotionally invested; even more challenged- physically even.

There's a strong case to be made with the gray area of video games becoming a form of art, and yet, there's something about them that just doesn't feel like art. Not yet.

But why should we even care about video games becoming art? Why can't video games be video games? As in, video games should not be the tertiary group of a primary classification, why can't they just be a new form all its own that operates alongside art and technology? It shouldn't have to be a derivation of a singular form, it can always be its own form; its own identity.

"It's not 'art', it's a 'video game'."

Yeah, I like that sound of that.

Movies Opening This Week: Not Marley

2010-05-29T12:32:00.000+08:00

It's so weird how 20th Century Fox, one of the worst studios ever, is also home to James Cameron. He's probably the only thing that keeps it alive, because all the other movies the studio releases are either kids films or stupid films. Oh wait, they're almost synonymous to each other in this case.

Marmaduke
This week's 20th Century Fox release involves talking animals. If you thought Beverly Hills Chihuahua was retarded, wait till you see this highly unfunny trailer.

Yeah... and how ironic is it that Owen Wilson, who once played dog owner in Marley and Me, is now relegated to just voicing a dog? Oh how fortunes change so quickly.

Speaking of Beverly Hills Chihuahua, George Lopez is also playing a role here, but this time, he's a cat. It's weird that most of his movies involve talking animals, maybe a bestiality fetish is in play?

Whatever the case, this next movie puts the beast in bestiality:

Splice
Starring Adrien Brody (perhaps to prove that he's gonna be awesome in Predators?), this sci-fi horror/thriller involves a scientific experiment gone wrong, and quite frankly, it's kinda creepy until the last bit of the trailer comes on.

This one involves two scientists who create a semi-human-clone that has a desire to kill, I guess. Not much is known about the monster's motivations (which is a good thing in trailer talk), so quite frankly, I'm actually a bit intrigued.

You know what isn't intriguing though? Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher.

The Killers
Not at all related to The Losers, The Killers is an over-the-top rom-com that involves some action... kind of like The Bounty Hunter but without the "my ex-wife is a criminal hurr hurr hurr This is Sparta" hook. In fact, Ashton's character probably isn't even a vigilante at all, and maybe a bit more of a criminal, I guess. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention to the trailer.

That said, the action scenes at least look watchable, so if ever you get dragged into this movie by a date, and you're a dude, you probably won't mind as much. Bonus points for using Psycho Killer as the trailer's song, even though it's pretty much the first thing that comes to mind when making a trailer of a movie that has a title called The Killers. Katherine Heigl is potentially annoying as the "girl who just broke up and is hopeless to find another love but finds one immediately anyway but suddenly finds out about her new boyfriend's shady background and is reluctant to hold a gun" though.

Plugged!: Vanguard

2010-05-28T12:28:00.000+08:00

Whoever said that podcasts didn't contain food for thought are very much incorrect. In fact, there are some podcasts that are so thought-provoking, that they have the potential to even change your viewpoint about the world around you.

Enter Current TV's Peabody award-winning (and Emmy-nominated) documentary series Vanguard. They'll take you to places both familiar and exotic, and cover relevant topics that cover social, economic and political levels of civilization.

You'll see different points of view regarding the porn industry and its piracy problem, China's e-waste and pollution problems, and in the coming months, teen rape, North Korea (since this is the show whose once-trapped producers Euna Lee and Laura Ling work for), and Africa's Anti-Gay Law (which spells death for homosexuals living there).

It's all done professionally and, as much as possible, without bias. It's no non-sense, no-holds-barred journalism that you'll rarely see anywhere else, and it's a great show to be informed and entertained. Some shows may last longer than others, but whatever the case, the amount of things you learn is priceless and worth the time downloading.

Rudimentary iTunes Link is here, YouTube episodes here.

America Sucks: Loony Pundits

2010-05-27T11:25:00.001+08:00

It's hard to appreciate your own country when you compare it to a first-world country like the United States of America, but at least there are just a few things in Philippine culture that just seem infinitely better than what you'd find in said first-world state. I don't know if I'm right with this one, but America just has a huge chunk of people who state their opinions in a glorious manner that would baffle even the most corrupt politician. It's true that any country will have its share of pundits who are out-of-touch with the actual state of things, but the percentage of them just seem negligible enough to not be an actual feature of the country's culture.

In America's case though, a lot of people in their media outlets are at fault for making this a notorious prejudice against them in the first place.

Picture it: a man on a cable news channel is high-and-mighty, sitting on his big chair and drowning in his sea of "metaphorical" dioramas and incomprehensible analogies. Does this picture sound a bit too ambiguous? Well, that's because it's a scenario that's all too familiar for those who have enough common sense not to get brainwashed.

What's worse is that there are honest-to-goodness genuine citizens who believe what they spout. They come out with their politically-charged conjecture and deliver it with such conviction that people are inclined to offer themselves to be baptised by Glenn Beck's poisonous spit; what's worse is that I'm not even sure if they're even sure of what they're saying anymore.

Making a long rant short though, it's enough for people to have a bad impression of Americans when someone proudly orates that Haiti was God's punishment for making Obama win. Two years ago. And yes, you're not mistaken about the big three letters of the Almighty; someone actually dragged His name into this.

Don't bother me with all the political party talk; about the GOP's, the LMNOP's and the ASS's. I don't give a crap about them. All I'm seeing are people who are not in touch with the planet around them, and instead, isolate themselves in their own parallel dimension- the television- all in the name of, well, "patriotism". Yeah, if you didn't laugh at their reason for being, then you might as well ring me up and ask for a cookie.

Our own country may have the overly cheesy dramas and crass noontime hosts (well, at least he's resigned), but at least we're spared all the ludicrous loons that'll exist only in America.

*Yes, I'm certainly aware that this is a one-sided, almost racist, part of the story. It is intentionally made in this outsider's point of view.

Apps Weekly: Battle Bears Zombies + Phoenix Wright

2010-05-26T08:57:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, you'll encounter a few people on the Internet who happen to have a twisted sense of humor. The developer for this game is probably one of them.

Battle Bears: Zombies!
Skyvu Pictures, Inc.
Free, $1.99
Requires iPhone 2.0 or later, rated 9+

When you look at a teddy bear, what comes to your mind? Aside from Teddy Ruxpin, you'll probably envision a world of adorable plush toys with bug eyes and small arms. But what happens when these adorable creatures become a bit too sickeningly sweet? This is where rogue teddy bear Oliver comes to the spotlight. You, as the player will be tasked with mowing down all the Care Bears that stand in your way, lest you want to get hugged to death.

Battle Bears: Zombies is a shoot-em-up that revels in its sick sense of humor. As you aim for the head and tap to take that shot, you'll soon be seeing a consecutive series of rainbows that substitute blood out of the plush heads of those sickeningly adorable bears who just wish to give you a hug.

Like MacGyver you'll be improvising your weapons by picking up some reindeer dung or some bear body parts to make for some ammunition for flamethrowers, and the like.

Along the way, you'll encounter several huge bosses who all take a matter of you getting used to their patterns and shooting them with some special weapon you pick up.

Most of the game's cutscenes are voiced and animated in a 2D style with a pretty over-the-top vibe and a rather unremarkably tongue-in-cheek contrast of colors.

There's just something about the shooting that feels unsatisfactory. There's a novelty in shooting bears in the head and seeing them bleed out rainbows (thus proving that unicorns do sh*t out rainbows and glitter) but after a lot of waves I just found myself getting tired of it. Maybe a little more tweaking with the "feel" of the weapons and the game would be a total recommendation. As of now though, maybe you can give the free version a try before taking the plunge towards the paid version.

Rating: 6.5/10

For our preview section, we have a little favorite of mine for the DS: Phoenix Wright. You've probably heard me rave about it again and again and again and again, but this time, maybe I won't be all nice about it. You know why?

Because it's a lazy old port.

While I have to admit that Phoenix Wright would be a better fit for the iPhone since the graphics wouldn't look as blurry as the disrespectful WiiWare port, the game is just the same game for the DS that was released about 5-6 years ago. It's true that gamers who weren't able to catch up to the now out-of-print original DS version will finally have a chance to get this once-rare gem in its preserved, authentic form, but Capcom doesn't have an excuse not to at least give the game a bit of a facelift. Redraw some elements here, reconfigure some elements there, maybe even add one additional case, and the game would be a huge draw for the existing fanbase.

That said, the original DS game was once $40, and the iPhone game is sold at the introductory price of $5. FIVE. If you're a newbie to the series, the game is a huge value, because most of the cases involve long, long, long sessions of pointing, clicking, and busting contradictions as well as great dialogue to match, but returning fans don't have much reason to give this port a new whirl-around.

Even then, I'm still playing through this game, if only because I love it that much.

This Time In Games: It's a-me...

2010-05-23T09:15:00.000+08:00

From perfect scores on reviews to unique gaming concepts, "This Time In Games" recaps the recent happenings and the hottest titles of the gaming industry.

This time in games:

Rockstar releases Red Dead Redemption.
And it seems to be the best Western game ever.

It follows the tradition of open-world games, but this one is, of course, set in a town with cowboys and epic gunbattles. For now it's for the 360 and PS3 only but I suspect that it will be available for the PC in some time.

A lot of review outlets think that Red Dead Redemption does redeem itself from its less raved predecessor.

Wii gets an epic week, too.
From Super Mario Galaxy 2 to Trauma Team, a lot of Wii owners have reason to burn their pockets, because a lot of really good games are starting to come out, and I suspect that it won't stop.

Super Mario Galaxy 2 has been proclaimed as "not just Super Mario Galaxy 1.5, but a game that rivals even its genre-breaking progenitors". In short, it's longer, larger and more streamlined than the first Galaxy, which is largely a good thing.

Also getting good reception is Bit.Trip.Runner, the first platformer of the rhythm game series. This WiiWare title has Commander Video jumping from point A to point B to a rocking soundtrack and retro visuals.

Lastly, there's Trauma Team which is a large departure for the surgical series of games. Instead of just a surgeon, you gain control of 6 different people, ranging from an orthopedic surgeon, surgeon, forensic investigator, diagnostician, first aid volunteer, and a doctor of endoscopy, all of which feature several distinct gameplay styles.

The anime style visuals and sound effects keep things interesting, and so far it's been getting raves as well.

Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands

A game that complements the movie adaptation, Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands is a bit of a throwback to the last generation of Prince of Persia: Sands of Time games. It doesn't really follow the movie's storyline and instead bridges the gap between the happenings in the first Sands of Time and the somewhat controversially "emo" Warrior Within.

Within its package contains the original 2D Prince of Persia game, as well as zero Jake Gyllenhaal, which is probably a good thing, for the sake of uniformity.

Sonic 4 for iPhone and iPod touch, confirmed!
The "reboot" SEGA is releasing for Xbox Live Arcade, WiiWare and PSN is also going to the App Store. It has yet to be known whether the controls will be as bad as the emulated versions of Sonic that are on there, but the game is looking pretty good.

Could this be Sonic's first great game since... forever?

This video.
Trauma Center, the original DS game, was released ages ago but this parody was too insane not to notice, as it pretty much takes the over-the-top scenarios of the game's story and runs away with it.

Movies Opening This Week: British... American... Persian... K.

2010-05-22T13:37:00.000+08:00

If there's one thing a lot of movies aim to be, it is to be escapist entertainment that'll knock your socks off and run away with logical gaps, forcing you to suspend your disbelief and just forget the world, forget logic and have fun. We're still a few weeks away from The Last Airbender, but like that movie, the glaring inconsistencies with race is a bit too obvious to ignore, and this upcoming movie really stretches your ability to suspend disbelief like bubble gum tape.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Mind you, I am a huge fan of the Sands of Time quadrilogy of games, and truth be told, I had a bit of hope that this video game movie would actually go against the grain and be a pretty decent, if not good, film. With the financial backing of Jerry Bruckheimer and Disney, the screenplay of the original creator of the game and a semi-competent director on hand, there's actually a lot about the film that could really make it worthwhile.

But come on, how can anyone in their right mind even believe that Jake Gyllenhaal could be a Persian dude? A Persian prince, even? He adopts a British accent, relatively toned body and longer hair but I don't see him as a convincing Middle-Eastern man. Truth be told, the game also has a similar look to the character (and a semi-British accent), but come on. Jake Gyllenhaal: the action hero?

To be fair, the scale of the film is pretty ridiculous, and the action scenes look exciting enough to hold anyone's attention. But will the film blatantly cater to gamers with stupid *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* artifacts, or work as a standalone film that can be widely appreciated? Part of the appeal of the games came with the fact that the Prince's name isn't even explicitly given out, which adds to the mystery of his backstory and personality, but this movie just had to go eff it up and put a tag on the dude. This kind of feels like a disservice to fans already.

But what other choice do you have when the other movie opening up this week is...

Sex and the City 2
You know what, I change my mind. I think Prince of Persia is going to be the best movie ever. Compared to this cash-in of the success that befell the first movie of the successful HBO series, that is.

After the first movie (which I didn't watch for the obvious reasons), it's a bit hard to know what the writers have conceived this time. Umm..., family, fashion shows, escape from family, err..., desert? What? The desert? What, pray tell, are they doing in the freaking desert?

To the movie's credit, at least the production company had the courtesy to make the trailer, I don't know, not rife with spoilers? If you've noticed, a lot of movies condense their entire running time into a 1 and a half minute summary of events and pass it off as a trailer, this one at least makes you wonder how the hell the iconic middle-aged foursome ended up in the not-so-posh desert.

That said, I have zero intention of even watching this movie. The first one, you could forgive for existing because there are fans who clamor for their return. But this one feels like a stupid cash-in that wants to bank on Sarah Jessica Parker, who isn't even a draw even back then. They're all middle-aged and over-the-hill, dare I say it. But you know what, the women (and the homosexuals) will dig into this whether they like it or not, because it's freaking Sex and the City. No explanations needed.

The Thing With Android

2010-05-21T15:48:00.001+08:00

Google Android, in its introduction, was a bold step forward in the smartphone software space. It was an OS that supported multi-touch gestures, unsigned software, and alternative skins. You could tinker with it however you wanted, install whatever you wanted, and styled it in any way you wanted, and if you wanted to install Android into your netbook or smartphone, you could do that, and Google won't charge you a penny.

In theory, it's so much better than the iPhone OS, and HTC is such a great handset maker, but why oh why does it not have the same amount of success the iPhone has?

I can count the ways.

1) It's the GUI.
To say that Android is a big usability nightmare would be a huge lie, but to say that it's as simple to pick up as the iPhone would be an even bigger lie. A bit like Nokia's open-source Mameo, Android is more beloved by the tech-savvy, but as time passes (and unlike Mameo), this concept is quickly changing.

As of now though, the OS involves a bit of getting used to before you can exploit everything it has to offer, but once you do you'll be able to do some pretty cool stuff.

Truly, through every update, the usability of the device improves, but there's just something about the UI that can seem really overwhelming at first glance. I could even go as far as to call it a little excessive. It's cool that Android has widgets, but I'm not quite sure why I don't feel like it's ideal to place them together with the app icons. It's also cool that it has live backgrounds, but how much more eye candy and bells and whistles does a background need? At the end of the day, it's just a background, an animated one yes, but a background.

Also, you're only limited to 5 home screens. If Apple's 10 or so home screens aren't already enough for the normal consumer, what about FIVE? (And yes, I know that some Android phones have about 7 or so, but... SEVEN?)

2) It's the Multitasking.
Normally, multitasking would be a good thing, but when it involves sacrificing a lot of juice, that's when it becomes really bad. Just running a Twitter client in the background would jeopardize the battery life! Truth be told, the iPhone has an incredibly weak battery life with or without multitasking, but when this is the kind of multitasking that Google fans flaunt on Apple fanboys, it gives Darth Jobs even more reason to trumpet his company's version of it (which involves putting apps in suspended animation instead of true-blue multitasking).

Oh, and there's a Task Manager. A computer can have a task manager, but a portable device, hell, a phone, simply cannot. It would be a huge waste of time to deal with a Task Manager on a phone.

3) It's the Android Market.
Android Market is one of the most open markets in any phone ever seen, and it is also one of the largest when it comes to number of apps, only second to the iPhone App Store. But you're not limited to the Android Market, you can also install unsigned software from other sources, and Google wouldn't give a crap. You can do what you want to do (yes, even install a porn marketplace) on an Android phone.

But, taking other opinions of iPhone switchers into consideration, the Android market doesn't seem to have the same polish that other iPhone apps have. Yes, Google will definitely be able to flaunt the now exclusive to Android Simplify Media app, but what happens when you compare Twitter for iPhone against Twitter for Android? Based on reception, there's a huge gap between them in terms of functionality and usability.

On Android, it's true that there's an app for anything, but they tend to not be as polished as the ones on iPhone, at least, that's what they say. I mean, it's not actually Google's fault that this claim exists, it's the developers'. I mean, who can blame them when the cash is in the competition? I'll leave the door open on this though, since I only have a limited amount of quality time with Android phones to begin with.

4) It's the hardware.
The fact that Android is open to any hardware manufacturer is a good thing. Not only is the OS free to distribute and tweak, it can also adapt to any form factor. If it weren't, there wouldn't be any HTC Sense (which is a stunning UI), Timescape (Sony's eye candy), or Motorola's Motoblur.

It's not a question of why Android can't have a uniform form factor, it's a question of release dates. The hardest part of deciding on an Android phone is, ironically, the large variety of phones that are out there and how long it will be able to stay current. The original iPhone took three years before it was considered completely obsolete to support new software updates, while the original Android phone, the HTC Dream, lasted merely a year and a month and it couldn't support Android 2.0.

Still, newer phones do have more allowance for newer Android versions, but the thing is, they won't have the same insane Snapdragon thingamajigs and the 4G connectivity of the most cutting-edge Android phones. You'd think that Moore's law would dictate that to be natural, but who wants to say that it's natural when these new phones release barely a month after the new hottest item?

An example: HTC's Droid Incredible just released with some of the best ratings ever for any smartphone. And then comes the Evo which supports 4-fricking-G, not to mention that it's also made by HTC. Do I buy the Evo now, or should I wait for the next hot Android phone to come along?

5) It's the catching-up.
While Android phones after the HTC Magic are able to upgrade to the newest version, some phones that have custom skins lag behind phones like Google's Nexus One.

Why is that?

The Google phone runs on official software, while the HTC's, the Sony's, the Motorola's and the Samsung's modify the software to match their tastes, so when a new version comes out, all those companies will have to take time to make the new features work with their own flavor of Android before releasing it to the general public. In other cases, they'll just release the new version of their software to new phones and screw all the older ones behind. Seriously, that sucks.

6) It's the Flash.
The new Android 2.2 will support the Flash player. If you don't know what the heck Flash is, you are living under a rock, but for the sake of courtesy, it's basically a browser plug-in that animates shapes, programs free games and plays video on YouTube.

Flash is insanely notorious for being a resource hog, especially in the Mac platform (which is one reason why Apple hates Adobe) and can cause real crashes. However, it is a good thing, in theory, to have Flash on a mobile platform because it's pretty ubiquitous in the internet.

Adobe's tight collaboration with Google could possibly change the landscape of Flash on a touch-based platform, or it could just prove that it will suck terribly. Either way, the two companies have worked on a way to preserve battery life and resources while working almost perfectly.

CNet's demonstration of this feature makes it look like it works well, but it has yet to be known whether Adobe has worked out on a way as to how mouse-overs will work when it comes to Flash ads and some games, because Flash is not only for video, it's also for games and ads.

When they do find a way, then Apple might even have little choice but to jump on the bandwagon and begrudgingly work with Adobe. But even then, I doubt that this collaboration will totally be kink-free.

Google unveils WebM

2010-05-20T16:07:00.001+08:00

Google, known for having deep pockets and a stance on open-source code, unveiled a new video codec for the web called WebM in its annual I/O conference.

Basically, it's a video format that does not demand royalties from content distributors- amateur or commercial- and enables free and easy distribution of video and audio content through the products of the (several) companies that support the new standard Google is pushing.

The standard is based on V8, which Google acquired from On2 Technologies, and the company is releasing the source openly for everyone to tinker and incorporate into their products.

Notably, a lot of major companies (Mozilla, Opera, Adobe, AMD, ARM, Logitech, nVidia, Skype, etc.) are expressing support over the open codec, and Google is even going as far as wanting to incorporate it into "internet-connected TVs".

Iron Man 2 Review

2010-05-18T23:54:00.000+08:00

Iron Man 2
Paramount Pictures, Marvel Studios
Starring Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow
Directed by Jon Favreau

When the first Iron Man came out, it was a breakthrough, not only for the superhero genre but because of the revelatory comeback that was Robert Downey Jr. playing the role he was born to play- the playboy arms dealer Tony Stark. This was not even under my radar beforehand, so it was an even bigger surprise for me as I had zero, as in zero, knowledge of the film's content. I just knew that Iron Man was that dude with the red/gold plated armor in Marvel vs. Capcom 2.

Well, obviously, the movie changed everything. Iron Man is now a household name usually tightly-knit together with Downey, because for audiences, one wouldn't exist without the other.

Two years later and Justin Theroux comes back with a new screenplay. The same director comes back on ship, and most of the actors reprise their roles. Don Cheadle is a credible actor as well, so what could go wrong?

While the trailers portray Tony Stark as an unstoppably charming rich douche, life is far from the "almost immortal" image he is drawn up to be, because a lot of things actually plague Stark's life.

You may remember Tony Stark's unprecedented confession of his identity in the first movie, and this installment of the franchise (obviously, it's going to be a franchise) deals with the perks and consequences of doing so- a Russian Mickey Rourke wants to seek copyright justice for his dad, the government wants to possess the suit for military use, Stark's refusal to hand over his suit prompts his rival Justin Hammer to make one (and fail), and the arc reactor that's keeping him alive is ironically killing him slowly.

When you think about it, that's a lot of sub-plots. Like Spiderman 3, all these sub-plots eventually converge into one huge action setpiece (which, mind you, is better than the first one's pedestrian final action scene) so judging from the comparison, you'd think Iron Man 2 would suck, but it just isn't the case.

The several events that happen throughout the movie are executed much more elegantly; it doesn't feel convoluted, nor heavy-handed like a lot of superhero movie sequels. However, one huge thing that Iron Man 2 and Spiderman 3 do share is the fact that there is no sense of a main plot. A lot of the movie's threads are based on sub-plots and it doesn't feel as if Tony Stark is actually aiming for one thing that the audience wants him to get.

Maybe it's true that the story of Iron Man should become a bit more complex, but it's hard to really like the fact that it has to be done in expense of the simplicity that made the first one extremely satisfying. This is actually what the second sequel lacks: a sense of true-blue satisfaction.

Despite all of it, the glue that really keeps the movie together is the performances. Obviously, Downey makes every scene enjoyable, Pepper Potts' character is a bit more explored so there's more for Gwyneth Paltrow to do, Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer- while a bit cartoonish- steals the show, Mickey Rourke is quite intimidating as Whiplash, and Scarlett Johansenn is most definitely a hot item in that Black Widow suit.

Johansenn, dare I say it, made me a 'fan' of hers in this movie. Screen size does matter.

But putting that aside, her character is a real badass secret agent, and some of her scenes make for some pretty funny comedy.

That's one of the best things that the movie retains: the comedy. Even after dealing with Afghanistan, near death, the arms race, and daddy issues- just to name a few- the movie is still able to keep a sense of humor, be it with Stark's snappy retorts or the slapstick that occurs with a driver, the humor balances everything and makes it all click. Through it all, the movie is still quite fun, charming, and badass.

Iron Man 2 tries to address the criticism lobbied on the first one by at least trying to go for a more multi-threaded story and better action sequences, but I think the movie succeeds more on the latter. The plot is still quite easy to follow and the actors make the movie more than watchable, but that sense of satisfaction that made the first movie so refreshing and compelling is just not there. Normal audiences won't even notice much to nitpick or complain about, because the film is still a great time in a theatre, not only because of Downey and company, but also because of its sense of humor... and its undying ability to constantly serve you with a large can of whupass, so if you haven't already watched this one, well, what're you waiting for?

Rating: 7.9/10

Movies Opening This Week: Two Sequels Too Many

2010-05-15T13:07:00.001+08:00

After success comes the part where makers have to exercise a certain amount of restraint. Do you rush out a dumb follow-up, kill the idea of a franchise, or take the time refining an idea for a sequel, even if it takes years?

Shrek Forever After
I'm not a big fan of the Shrek series, especially when the third one came out, and while Dreamworks cleaned a bit of its act with Kung Fu Panda and How to Train Your Dragon, this final hurrah to its cash cow doesn't really justify the good cred it's been getting lately.

Still, the animation company did take three years (more pre-production) to realize this final installment so maybe there will be something about this one that'll get the franchise going out with a bang.

Shrek is suddenly cursed and Far Far Away suddenly becomes this alternate reality that has Fiona going rogue, Puss going fat, and Donkey not even remembering him. A little interesting, but that doesn't really say much.

There's just something about the film that makes me happy, and it's only due to the fact that it's finally going away. I'm getting quite sick of the characters, and Mike Myers in general. The initial 20% rating of the movie in Rotten Tomatoes doesn't help one bit.

Maybe we can find solace in a little SNL movie called,

MacGruber
Who would've thought that a fairly brief recurring sketch in Saturday Night Live would be the sketch that would be popular enough to warrant a movie?

Will Forte marks the theatrical debut of the obvious MacGyver spoof character MacGruber to some rather surprisingly pleasant reviews, and to be quite frank, I find the trailers funny as well.

Even if it is quite juvenile, I actually find much about the conquest of MacGruber versus the megavillain Dieter von Cunth (yeah, that sophomoric) quite funny, and I don't want to make rash judgments here but this might quite likely be the first SNL movie I'll ever enjoy in my life.

Kimchi Chocolate

2010-05-13T09:47:00.000+08:00

After the usual struggle with the usual suspects that is breakfast, we set foot for Jeju, an autonomous region of South Korea. It's home for citrus fruits of all shapes and sizes, so there's bound to be a lot of chocolate there as well.

Dami, our tour guide, would take us to Jeju's museum, which explains the geography of the island and how it was formed with volcano ash (although today the volcano is inactive). Pictures of the thing painted beautiful vistas with vividly colored flowers and greenery. It seemed so surreal because it just seemed fit for a movie set or something.

Then again, Jeju is really a location for Korean shows and movies.

Statistically, Jeju's women outnumber men, and the island is also famous for that. Their culture pretty much depicts women as being independent and empowered, but before you grin about the early age feminism, the old ages still had women doing all that only because they almost worshipped men, who were a rarity. Most of them would die during fishing trips, so widows who had no intention of re-marrying tried supporting their child through diving ala Muro-Ami. But wives who still have their husbands with them would treat them like kings and would ne'er let him lift a single finger. If the man did all the work in the island, then it would mean he wanted a divorce.

Blabbering aside, we went for a brief romp around a certain rock, called the "Dragon Head Rock". Frankly, as awesome as it sounded I didn't see the resemblance. Legend had it that a Sun God shot an arrow to the dragon because the dragon stole something. It fell and only its head remained, eventually to be covered by Jeju's now inactive volcano. But really now, it's just a giant rock. And I can't even bring myself to say "OH MY GOD A GIANT ROCK" as it wasn't really that big to begin with.

Afterwards, we went to the last destination: a souvenir shop. Much food was bought in the form of orange flavored chocolates, as well as cactus flower and chili flavored ones. Surprisingly, there's also a Kimchi flavor which gives a spicy sensation after the chocolate melts in your mouth. When I tried this, it kind of took me by surprise. I know it shouldn't be surprising to feel a burning sensation in your throat when you eat kimchi, but the chocolate fools you by tasting like plain ol' chocolate, then ambushes your throat by giving it a taste of hell.

Hmm, "a little taste of hell in your throat". I like that.

Sadly, the souvenir shop wasn't selling Starcraft, nor did our lunch didn't involve Korean food as we had to re-embark. We went past the extremely lax Customs department and went back the ship. Obviously, 'unsatisfactory' was a word that was fit to describe a 4 hour tour of this part of Korea.

Surprisingly, you don't even need a Korean visa to enter the island as the autonomous government's travel regulations make the area very open to tourism.

That night the ship's crew were in celebration because it was our final night in there, and all the waiters, cleaners, et al. were called upon so they could be given a well-deserved round of applause. Heck, the show even consisted of a showcase of talents of the crew, with dances ranging from Indian to South American to potentially offensive gags.

What I mean by that is one part of the program where two Italian men "play with" women as if they were instruments so they could form a "Lady Orchestra". This involved a lot of touching and groping around with lady parts and it wasn't too pleasant to look at, and I can certainly see a bit of outrage with this, not only because of the fact that they're men touching females and "strumming" their delicates, but because these men are Italian and they're almost harrassing two Chinese women. On a boat that caters to a lot of Chinese people, this could pose a bit of a problem.

But I guess it was taken in stride because there were some people in the audience laughing.

Also getting laughs was a little number by a lipsynching Italian who was basically making fun of himself. Switches between opera, Michael Jackson and testiclular visual jokes made his act quite the standout.

A few more dancing and singing and the show was over. I thought it was leaving time, but the host hasn't called out "Ciao!" so there must be something up their collective sleeve.

A familiar tune blared out the radio, and the crew started shouting "Party Time"!

It was "YMCA", those evil bastards!

As you would expect, everyone, even the Chinese, ended up partying to the song that never dies, hell, not even Ms. Espino could hold her restraint for long, as she, in her own limited fashion, danced the YMCA herself. My father has proof of this in video.

It was then 9:00 Japan time. We were hungry. There was lamb, lasagna, fish, veggies, and by special order, crispy pata and adobo. Yes, the chef is a Filipino too.

Still, I felt like I ate too much. By the time I saw dessert I nearly had myself puking. Guilty of the way they dispose of the food however, I still managed to chomp down the ice cream which had rum in it. Rum? Oh my...

And then the lights dimmed. Lanterns were lit and the waiters were lining up the hallways with weird-looking cakes. The Chinese announcer then explained that in celebration of our last night, we would be served a special surprise cake. My, my, I felt like wanting to pay for liposuction. The treadmill calories made its way back to me in a matter of seconds.

God. Damn.

Portal Free on Steam

2010-05-13T09:25:00.000+08:00

Valve just released its digital distribution platform Steam onto Mac and they are very much celebrating the grand opening with a little goodie to start gamers, new and old, off with.

PORTAL.

This free cake is no lie, and when you download the Steam client and register for an account, you can start downloading the free game (for both Mac and PC) at the get-go. It will return to its normal price ($WHOCAR.ES) by May 24.

What are you waiting for? Are you still reading this? GET IT NOW.

Best Pizza Hut Ever

2010-05-12T06:46:00.000+08:00

As we left beautiful Hangzhou, we stopped by a Buddhist temple for a while then took the bus ride back to Shanghai. As expected, 3 hours. More actually, but then that also includes the journey to the airport, where a few people in the group are to disembark and return to the Philippines. We chose to stay an additional day for shopping purposes.

Usually I wouldn't elaborate on the bus trip back but here's basically how it went: one of the people on the bus actually brought a final cut of the Filipino indie movie he produced starring Piolo Pascual (Chopsuey) and while somewhat reminiscent of Rachel Getting Married the bus isn't the most suitable place for these movies. At one point we got down the bus to buy a little lunch and go to the restroom while the movie was playing so really there's not much point in pursuing its core explanation. Things got a bit annoying however because whipped out videos of himself for everyone else to watch.

Of all the egotistical...

As ridiculous as it is to bring Chiang Kai into an already Communist country, the bothersome boredom of those babbling blokes finally got me inclined to play Trauma Center 2 for the DS. It's not good to play a notoriously difficult surgery game when a bus is going up and down but hey, it's a fun, sadistic twist.

We checked in Downtown Holiday Inn (of which there are two in Shanghai... we got down the wrong one and were forced to drag all luggage down and up the underground PARKING LOT with no concierge people to assist) and proceeded to Nanjing road for, yes, shopping.

Department stores are abundant in this part of town, and at night it is plenty lively. We did have to take the subway there (which isn't as efficient as Hong Kong's MTR) but it's not much of a hassle.

Some shopping and relatively expensive jackets later, we got hungry. When you want to find something different in China (meaning something other than the Chinese food we were consuming the past few days), it's either crowded Korean barbeques or American fastfood chains. It's quite fun to scrutinize the differences between McDonald's menus here and at home base anyway, but we wanted something better than McDonald's, so we took to Pizza Hut.

And what a pleasant surprise it was to discover that, as usual, the selections and service made available at the China branch is superior to the Philippine counterpart by a hundredfold. It doesn't take forever to get your beverages, pasta and pizza. But the beverages sure are mighty expensive though, but maybe I'm overreacting because the Philippine Pizza Hut resto had high beverage prices as well. Well, I guess the Chinese drinks are more unconventional so they're worth a shot.

We ordered some baked rice, a bowl of pasta and, of course, a pizza. Not just any pizza. It was a pizza propped with a little amount of cheese, some Japanese mayonnaise, wasabi, octopus meat, bell peppers, onions and topped with some smoked salmon. You won't ever find anything that comes close back at home. They don't skimp much on the ingredients either, so while kind of expensive (as is common with the Pizza Hut branches anywhere in the world), this one was evidently worth every penny. After that, we were done.

It started raining. Time to go back to the hotel.

Just when I thought the Holiday Inn was not on par with other hotels with the area in terms of modernity, I find out that the alarm near the bed was actually an iPod dock as well, so it's one of those alarms where you could have the iPod play music as an alarm sound. Nice.

Well, gotta turn in for now. It's midnight and we gotta wake up at 6. More shopping, then it's back to the red eye home.

- mobile blogging mode

Marcoses Dominate Government

2010-05-11T20:10:00.001+08:00

Bongbong Marcos, the senator.
Imee Marcos, the governor.

...

Imelda Marcos, the Congresswoman?!

Famed for her extravagant lifestyle and shoe collection, Imelda Marcos is once again in government serving as the representative of Ilocos in the House of Representatives. While 80 years old, age is not stopping her from being one of the bigger contradictions in the imminent new government. Yes, an even bigger contradiction than her husband's namesake, who is to be a senator.

Citing her experience during the Marcos era, she wishes to "uphold integrity and the truth" during her tenure.

Then again, I can't blame Imelda for getting a seat, it's the people who voted for her. Does she have a security force that mindwipes entire towns? Is it going to be 'forgive and forget' just like Erap and his mistresses and his gambling?

Now I can envision it: Arroyo will win a seat in senate in 2022.

VP Race More Engaging

2010-05-11T16:38:00.001+08:00

To see Noynoy having the time of his life with a landslide win can be a bit boring. Where's the Noynoy vs. Villar action? Why does a convicted plunderer outnumber a real estate guru?

You know what, it's much more engaging to see the Vice-Presidential race, because it's neck-and-neck between Binay and Roxas. I always thought Roxas was going to be the shoo-in, so I was surprised that it had to come to this. But hey, it's fun nonetheless.

Binay as of 3:45pm has 12,860,174 votes in the can, while Roxas has 12,008,802. The next update could have Roxas capturing Binay's numbers (or not), but we'll never know now, won't we?

Light Show

2010-05-11T08:46:00.000+08:00

From Shanghai to Hangzhou we traveled by bus. This took three hours including bathroom breaks.

It makes you wonder if Hangzhou really is worth the wait.

All I have to say is that it doesn't disappoint.

While Shanghai is more obviously modernized, Hangzhou is a larger but less densely populated province that, when you explore harder, is actually a home for the richest of the rich, but also the poorest of the poor. For every Hyundai or Toyota, there are two Maseratis or Ferraris. When you get a good job you're able to buy all sorts of expensive stuff, however the problem with Hangzhou's society is that income distribution is screwed up. A lesser job would still have people begging the streets for alms, because there really is no established middle class. There are no ilustrados; there's just filthy rich, and piss poor.

Our tour here consisted of sightseeing and boat riding. The beauty of Hangzhou somehow persists, as it has historically been a source of much inspiration for poets like Li Bai, as well as a vacation home for famous figures like Mao Zedong.

For dinner we went to a restaurant that was also presiding over an informal corporate party (boss's birthday it seems), and like any birthday party, there's gonna be a bit of singing all throughout.

All I have to say to that is: there's a reason why many famous Chinese singers come from Taiwan.

Afterwards we were slated to watch a huge play based on Hangzhou literature. The province is prominently featured for its affection for love stories, and the play is no different. Basically a bit Shakespearean, the play's a bit about a girl who dressed like a boy so she could be educated. She falls in love with another boy but boy is ignorant. When girl goes home, boy discovers her love but alas it was too late because mother arranged a marriage for her back home. The finer details I'm not quite sure, because the play was actually mostly silent and only driven by lights, music and body language.

Directed by Zhang Yimu, the same dude who directed the always famous 2008 Olympic Opening Ceremony, the setup can be a bit hard to describe. The set is open, meaning the stage doesn't have a roof, and the backdrop relies on Hangzhou's famous Western Lake, with the trees in the background illuminated by differently colored lights.

Howls of amazement echoed unanimously as the first moment happened, with a guy in a white suit walking on water, trees being illuminated part by part, changing in color, the water pristinely reflecting every moment. Water effects, light effects, moving pagodas, it was an epic visual treat.

After that it was already 9 in the evening. Hotel time.

Without expectations we went to our room, and lo and behold a LG Scarlet HDTV welcomed us along with a surprisingly spacious room. Looks like this Landison Plaza Hotel is no joke, it's the real deal. How... swanky.

As Stephen Tobolowsky says, "a part of success that is underrated is the part when you live to see another sunrise". Well, if I'm gonna make it through to see a new day, might as well do it in style. Okay, maybe I murdered that quote's true meaning. You know what, I'm gonna stop now. Like, right... now.

- mobile blogging mode

Aquino gets 40%

2010-05-11T08:33:00.000+08:00

Last midnight's COMELEC press con announced that Aquino was leading with 40% of the 78% of votes that have been transmitted. If everything goes as planned, results for 100% of votes may get transmitted before lunchtime, and a president shall be proclaimed.

The VP dark horse candidate Jejomar Binay is also leading the tentative count ahead of Mar Roxas.

- mobile blogging mode

Fishy PCOS Machines Are Fishy

2010-05-10T19:09:00.001+08:00

The first time is always going to be full of hitches, and it would be no different for these PCOS machines being used for the country's first-ever automated elections. However, reports of CF cards failing again (but seriously, who uses CF cards aside from DSLR owners?) and power failures are definitely less than satisfactory conditions for an automated election. In addition to that, don't these failures open up chances for cheating?

From the start the SmartMatic deal has been quite shady for me and while in theory the process is simple and near foolproof, long lines and system errors have plagued the entire day, so it's hard not to say that all the faultiness of the systems can be quite suspect.

Let's just hope the results are worth the trouble, long as Manny Villar doesn't win.

Cougar's Dream

2010-05-10T10:45:00.000+08:00

First off: I love Fukuoka.

While the port wasn't much of a flattering view, my expectations could wait. We waited for immigration which involved a simple 3 step process made longer by, yes, local Chinese people who can't seem to stay put in any kind of queue, repeatedly squeezing in between others. So don't be surprised by the sweet gratification of seeing one of them being elbowed out of a queue in an attempt to squeeze and advance. And then see them in tears afterward.

Masochism aside, we went for the bus and met our tour guide: a fine veteran of the tour guide circuit, it seems. Her name was Hidemi, meaning English Beauty, and fortunately, she was an English speaking guide. Testimony to Japan's hospitality and unending patience, Hidemi was a kind being who brought a piece of culture right on the bus.

For you see, that day was the last day of a series of holidays in Japan, and it was actually "Boys' Day" so every house's roof/window must have a sort of flag made up of two carps and streamers. One blue carp symbolized the dad, the other red carp is behind the dad to symbolize the son who needs to learn so he can be as speedy as his dad. The streamers, I forgot.

Whatever it meant, all I know is that it's meant to wish good luck for all the sons and that they won't commit harakiri. (That last part I made up.)

Anyway, we went to some kind of shrine. I mean, I would definitely put the entire name here but it's so unwieldy to spell it phonetically. So all I'll say is that the temple involves a genius who was promoted in some kind of office (Dazaifu) and was then demoted when he reached the age of 87 to a secondary rank. He moved to Fukuoka and died due to trauma because of his son's death. Some sort of thing or animal or plant stopped moving when the people moved his body at some point, and it was there where he was rumored to be buried. Thus they built a shrine for him, even if remains have yet to be found. Of note was one tree that bloomed earlier than the others.

After that was a quick visit to the rather majestic Kyushu National Museum where pottery and historical items were to be found.

On the way back to the bus, a lot of vendors were beckoning us to go through their wares in hopes of getting a purchase from tourists. But what's spare change to normal Japanese is a pretty penny to Filipinos. I mean, seriously, ¥1050 for an umbrella? That's about more than 500 pesos! An umbrella!

That said, we bought some cheaper food anyway. Mochi, and some Japan-only snacks.

After that was a trip to a place where Japanese sushi and Korean barbeque got fused. You could grill some meat while eating some Japanese favorites like sashimi, takoyaki and more.

And boy does grilled octopus feel weird.

Still, it's hard to say that the food is authentic enough, I mean, the takoyaki in Cartimar is better than the takoyaki here, which was full of flour and an eensie piece of octopus. So yeah, I can't wait till we get a chance to fly to Japan again, so we could try some street food.

Then again, my stinginess is really not into that idea. Cost of living is just through the roof. That said, you do get a really complicated toilet in almost every public establishment, so that's something.

Sometimes though I feel as if Japan was a country that takes three steps forward but one step back. I mean, despite much gadgetry with the toilet and all, you still can't get it to automatically flush? Fine, I'm nitpicking and sounding spoiled but it's kind of jarring, especially when you consider that foamy hand soap and automated faucets are pretty much the norm as well.

Another example of this comes with the last place we visited: Fukuoka tower. I didn't get to see the 360 degree view for myself (and really, it could've been better at night) especially because of the sheer number of Chinese locals cutting in the line and crowding together. Like in, say, Shanghai Expo or Taipei 101, there could've been a more efficient way to manage such a horrendous queue. Maybe the Japanese are directly opposite to Chinese because they know how to follow the common sense that comes with getting in line. Or maybe added an elevator or two as well.

Only my dad persisted, and the boat's call time was already exceeded so yes, the huge group that went to the Fukuoka tour were all late, thus delaying the boat embarkation by an hour.

Such is the bane of touring a city for only barely a day. But tomorrow we go to Cheju, South Korea, where we only get 4 freaking hours. The trip to Fukuoka left me wanting more. What more with Korea? Both of these countries, well, I'm a first timer so it's natural that I interested in seeing even more.

But then I'm getting ahead of myself. Even before Fukuoka tower we were given 90 minutes of shopping time- which I'd say is pretty short- so we first went to the electronic store. It was kind of mind-blowing.

Weird phones, bountiful Japanese branded cameras, broadband, 3D TV's; they had it all. There was even an exhibition of Final Fantasy 13 on a huge TV and it looked rather gorgeous. Hell, a PS3 was being sold for ¥20,000 yen there, which if you converted would be the cheapest PS3 ever.

We lingered around a bit excessively so we were left with little time to see what clothes they had to sell. My brother wanted a jacket but little did we know that we had entered a luxury clothing store where formal outfits would set you back ¥100,000. A crapton of money.

We didn't notice this until we went up FOUR STRAIGHT FLOORS OF WOMEN'S CLOTHING. That is insane. From Dolce to Chanel, it's a rich bitch's dream, and even the men's section (two floors) was a no entry zone for me. You'll need to find a cougar before you'd be able to buy one of those ensembles.

Knowing Japan only from impressions of Tokyo make you want to see the 'fashion-forward' people for yourself. However, in Fukuoka, which lies upon a mountain ala Tagaytay, has a shortage of this, and instead offers a mix of tranquility and liveliness even in its flea markets.

I like how nature and urbanization are balanced here. Air seems fresh, shrines are tranquil, flowers and trees are plentiful but it has no shortage of apartments, resorts, shipping bays, ports, and high-rises.

So it's quite sad that we had to say goodbye prematurely to Hidemi and Fukuoka. Surprisingly, it has captured my heart and left me thinking: how do these people even have a history of dolphin killing, kamikazes and megalomania? They're too damn pleasant.

Footnote: the Fukuoka Tower has a mascot, and it's not an anime character. It's only a phallic representation of the same tower and its name is Fhuta.

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Local Chinese people walk in a buffet...

2010-05-10T09:38:00.000+08:00

It's like the setup of a joke, isn't it?

Lining up with real live Communist Chinese in a buffet is probably the most savagery you'll witness from a group likely used to getting served their own food instead of self-service. While there are younger Chinese locals who are probaby more savvy with the times, the older Chinese far outnumber the younguns, and their actions are a textbook example of an economic activity usually attributed to the concept of supply and demand: panic buying.

Technically passengers have bought the food but with the Chinese it's like they're preparing for 2012. Simply, it's like eating with bulls in a china shop.

And no, don't drag Mythbusters into this.

They're so afraid that they'll run out of food that they want to get it all to themselves, but at the end of the meal they waste a lot anyway, which is a shame since no one obviously wants to eat leftovers so they have no choice but to dump the food permanently.

Footnote: Chinese locals are very hard to please and easy to bore. In a performance with an Italian singer, a random Chinese person suddenly went near the stage and imitated his movements. It got chuckles from the Chinese locals. Man was warned.

Near the last act a few people were dancing and Chinese man decided to imitate them, as well as take pictures of them with his camera, which were both prohibited. Two Italians dragged him out like they would a drunk and the audience cheered.

People got bored by the setpiece that was the acrobatic performances (and how could I blame them? There's a better one in Shanghai that costs millions of dollars to produce) which may be one reason why Mister Man felt the need to make a mockery of the Caucasians on stage.

Then again, I was also surprised that they held an appreciation for the dancers who had to practice new dances for only a few hours to present every night without a cast change. Now that's genuinely impressive.

Oh, China. Stay classy.

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Filipinos On Board

2010-05-09T22:46:00.000+08:00

Leaving the boat leaves me with a bittersweet feeling. On one hand I won't miss the constantly nauseating back and forth of the boat, but on the other hand, we'll have to go back to dealing with rude Chinese bastards in Shanghai for another couple of days. I mean, we could always talk to Filipinos instead! At least they're doing the Philippines a huge service.

At one point we got to talk to a Filipino waiter who was born in Rizal province but was forced to suspend his college education (which he had finished two years of) to work for cash. Fortunately, this present job is very stable and even presents him a few privileges like the ability to explore a point of interest during his free time, or hold a reunion with his family if the ship stops in the Philippines. He really enjoys it when Filipinos on board the ship make a special order of Filipino food, because all the extras left behind are for them to eat; a little temporary cure for homesickness.

It'll be quite hard not to notice them while they're about their business because they're everywhere in the boat. They're in the bar, the hallways, the restaurants, the theatre, and the massage parlor! Hell, some of them are even technical staff who manage the breakers. Obviously, they make up the majority of the nationalities present within the crew and it's both a bit wonderful and disheartening, if only because this brain drain is really a kick to the arse for local companies like... Superferry. Then again, who'd risk their life working in a Superferry when they could be working in a more reliable ship with more travel time, privileges and salary? I mean, who could blame them when the only direction Superferry's go is down?

Oh how I'll miss that dimsum dude who'll wrestle the tongs off a Chinese lady who's panicking due to fear of getting less food than her peers. Or maybe that guy who always points the right direction to our rooms and offers us his key when we forget it. Or maybe those waiters who'll be patient enough to mainland Chinese when they demand for something that just isn't available.

Oh wait, that wasn't a mainlander who wanted fried chicken in a fine dining restaurant, it was .

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Movies Opening This Week: Seyfried Fatigue

2010-05-08T19:44:00.000+08:00

In case you haven't noticed, Amanda Seyfried has appeared 3 times this year so far, and it doesn't look like she's stopping any time soon. You have to hand it to her though, she's trying to appeal to a broad audience. First, the Nicolas Sparks audience in Dear John, then the Academy of Arts and Sciences in the risque Chloe, and now it's...

Letters to Juliet
As is the tradition for romantic comedy trailers, the trailer spoils the whole movie, which by the 35 second mark, became quite predictable anyway.

The setup starts out somewhat unique enough: Amanda Seyfried's character Sophia goes to Verona, Italy to volunteer in some program that responds to letters posted on a wall that is supposed to be symbolical of the famous Shakespearean character Juliet. In Indiana Jones fashion, she uncovers a secret that's been buried for more than 50 years, and she decides to respond to it. The reply definitely comes back to its elderly sender, and thus the search begins.

Watched the trailer? Regretting it? Well, I told you, it spoils the whole movie. If you're interested in yet another Seyfried vehicle, you should not have watched it (but then I suspect you'll watch the whole movie anyway).

Personally, I'm getting tired of Amanda Seyfried's face at this point, only because she's a bit too... distinct-looking. Wow, never thought I'd get tired of an actress because of this usually positive quality.

Oh, and obviously a Taylor Swift song is never a good sign for "male moviegoer who has to be forced to come with girlfriend". You know the drill. That said, the movie at least doesn't look as bad as The Last Song. The sight of Miley is definitely so much worse than Amanda Seyfried by a hundredfold.

If you're sick and tired of white blondes having all the fun, you could always go for something a bit more... "realistic".

Just Wright
Queen Latifah, in a bit of somewhat inspired casting, is definitely muscular enough to look like a convincing physical therapist. Now, maybe this movie also spills too much of itself to actually be anything particularly worth the price of admission, but at least the trailer reveals that the movie isn't looking as bad as I thought it would be.

Basically, Queen Latifah's character Leslie Wright wants to find a man but she's having difficulty pretending to be a slut because it "just isn't her style". Apparently, the last man she went on a date with was also an NBA star and seizing the moment, Wright's friend marries NBA star. So yeah, a few moments after that basketball star gets injured and he needs to be in top shape by the finals. Instead of a slutty temptress of a physical trainer, they hire, who else but, Queen Latifah!

So yeah, you know what happens next, what with all that time together.

I guess the only movie that remotely seems watchable is left for Russell Crowe and frequent collaborator Ridley Scott, in Gladiator 2!

Robin Hood
I mean... yeah.

Robin Hood won't be the same hero of the poor flocked in green, but a man color-corrected to grayscale. Of course, the premise remains the same: he steals from the rich and gives to the poor, but this time, he also has a lot of comrades to do the job with him.

Me, I'm just thankful that Russell Crowe wasn't paired with a significantly younger woman, but Cate Blanchett. And yet, the pairing still looks and feels weird.

Whatever the case, this epic-looking film promises a lot of bow and arrow action, but the odds won't be as absurd as Avatar's, where bow and arrow eliminates robots, guns and artillery. And in case you noticed, telephones haven't been invented yet, so that's one less weapon for Crowe. (I'm sorry, I had to.)

Rock the Boat

2010-05-08T13:50:00.000+08:00

Well, I guess I better get me sea legs.

Apparently, when a boat is based on China or Hong Kong, it is expected to really rock back and forth, back and forth. When you're in a stationary position, it is possible for you to get seasick or just nauseated, whichever you pick.

But anyway, we have a free day on the boat. That said, we're still bound by the chains of being in a tour group, so hesitantly we woke up and tried to make the best of a cramped shower area, then made our way to the outside. There was an Italian dude wearing a Mad Hatter hat.

Well, I guess that must be something.

"Filipinos! Filipinos! Let's go play Coke-a, Sprite-a, Fanta!"

While not 'Pepsi 7-Up', the game is pretty much about following directions. Kind of like CAdT. But with older people.

Next up was a game that involved throwing hoops into cones. Could've been simple if it weren't for the wind. Oh cold, cold wind.

Still, the day isn't complete without a little eating, and that was what we did when we attended a cooking demonstration featuring both Chinese and Caucasian noodles and pasta. The Chinese chef was a no non-sense, direct man while the two Italian chefs played around especially when asked for a picture.

That's not to say that that was lunch though. Oh dear, I'll probably gain a bit of weight.

So with that in mind, we went for a little spin on the treadmill which we found accidentally. But for 20 minutes since that's the limit.

Apparently, tonight is also the Captain's welcome party so we needed to conform with the "formal" dress code, which considering the local Chinese nationals on board, isn't something strictly enforced. After, customer is always right.

Still, we didn't stay long in the cocktail party, and opted to eat in the actual restaurant instead. Bye treadmill, hello weight. Hmm...

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Jumping the Fence (and Getting Ripped Off)

2010-05-07T04:47:00.000+08:00

Oh China Firewall, I won't miss you.

After a little trip to Shanghai's flea market and the Urban Planning Exhibit, where epic city-wide dioramas can be seen, we went to the port and embarked on a boat.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have waited long to make this joke: I'm on a boat, motherfudger.

As we go the scenic route to Fukuoka, Japan, we opted to explore the vessel we were to sleep a few nights in. A wading pool, buffet and mini-theatre composed a few parts of the boat. I don't know the fares and fees and I don't want to know.

But even better was the inclusion of boat-wide Wi-Fi. It had no password, but it had a log-in page. It only needed a passenger to register and put in card and cabin numbers so I thought Wi-Fi was free. Deceptively enough, it was not.

50 US cents per minute, with $30 for an hour package. What a rip-off in exchange for complete net access (especially considering China's Firewall)! I thought the computer stations in some room was going to be free but no dice.

No choice but to pay? Well, I guess there's the option of not using the Wi-Fi at all.

Then again, it's hard to resist the Internet access, not to mention how convenient the Wi-Fi is. But damn it, why does it have to be this way?!

Now we're in the middle of nowhere, in some time period I can't precisely pinpoint, because for every Monday and Tuesday, the ship's clock gets altered through the addition of an hour. And apparently, the changes were already deployed a long while ago. Hmm.

At night, we watched yet another magic show but this time hosted by a female Australian magician (who at first I thought looked like a transvestite). It was a decent enough diversion.

Well, for now I guess there's nothing more to say except for... FREE WIFI PLEAZE I'M DYING INSIDE

Trivia: There are tons of Filipinos in the crew. My Chinese-impaired brother (oh wait, my siblings and I are all limited Chinese speakers) won't have to fret.

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Pièce de Résistance

2010-05-06T21:45:00.000+08:00

The World Expo, still crowded as ever, is pretty much China's way to show off whatever bigass pavillion they have, because after the Expo ends on October, all the other expo buildings- even the more architecturally interesting ones- are to be demolished, leaving only the Chinese Pavillion for maintenance. Trust me, it may as well eternally have long lines well after the expo.

And for good reason.

Shanghai's latest piece de resistance, the Chinese Pavillion is pretty much the most impressive pavillion in the expo. No cheap 3D gimmicks, but there are moving stages, slow moving roller coasters, several panoramic theatres, and an exhibition of China's plans for the future.

Apparently, China wants to make a fusion of culture and green living; reliance on alternative energy sources, electric cars and a more orderly concept of a typical road. The thing about the roads is that, people and bicycles are assigned their own overpass, while motor vehicles occupy the actual road. Surprisingly enough, this is something that would actually befit our country more than theirs, so I hope Noli de Castro attended that pavillion during his trip to inaugurate the Philippine exhibit 2 days ago and get some ideas.

We tried to get into other countries but miserably failed. Japan, Korea, India, United Kingdom, Germany, et al were all crowded, and this left us no choice but to eat KFC and wait till 4pm.

Like any tour group, there is the occasional latecomer who won't give a damn about any sort of assigned assembly time, and our group was no different. Instead of leaving for the hotel for a little rest by 4pm, we had no choice but to wait for a few latecomers till 5pm, which left us no time to rest in the hotel. Well, no choice but to go directly to the restaurant.

Golden Bay was its name and this time, 'guilt' was nearly non-existent as the food was significantly less than last night. Also, their idea of 'dessert' is quite appropriate. The last few nights had desserts that consisted of delicious looking exteriors, but salty and somewhat savory pork in the inside, which really isn't my idea of dessert (and more like 'appetizer'). This time, the dessert at least consists of red bean-based dishes and ice cream.

Now it's time for the last destination of the night: a stage. Not just any stage, it's the stage for Shanghai's acrobats. The show? ERA.

Billed as Shanghai's multi-million dollar circus extravaganza, there's a lot of entertainment to be had when watching something like this live. Unfortunately, by show's end, fatigue started creeping in, becokining me to sleep. I fought it to the bitter end, and lost.

Much of the show was quite impressive, showing off much flexibility, balance, grace and skill with every act. I have no doubt that you might find footage on YouTube, but quite a few acts were suspensefully awe-inspiring.

Just one last question though: how do you fit four girls inside a jar?

Footnote: Channel-surfing in the hotel we found CCTV airing i.Robot. In Chinese voiceovers. Will Smith and Shia Lebeouf will never sound the same again.

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Shanghai World Expo 2010 (or how I lost 500 calories and gained 2000)

2010-05-05T09:46:00.000+08:00

As the lack of Internet leg room annoyed me, so did waking up at 5. Why? Because to make it to the Shanghai World Expo without waiting too long, early bird = win. That said, the thought of attending something as big as this sort of blew my mind. I was excited. We had the whole afternoon and 2 additional days to make the most of all the world literally had to offer.

The night before, we were told that the expo would definitely have to involve long 4-hour queues, so we prepared ourselves with a portable (read: bread) lunch. Now, to be fair, we had a heavy breakfast for energy, so we thought we were all prepared for the big exhibition.

We were wrong.

Yesterday, I said that the weather was cold. Today, it was the contrary. In fact, it became somewhat intolerable to stand in line for even 30 minutes under the heat. Truth be told, it wasn't Philippines-hot, but it was hot enough to make people irritable. I guess my slowly-forming sore throat was indicative of the climate change.

Whatever the case, we rode the bus till we reached the edge of Pudong- near the strait separating Pudong and Puxi- and walked to the entrance. A bit of waiting later we gradually got inside. It was still 8am. The Expo opened at 9. An hour to kill.

It was there that I discovered that IBC-13 had been following our tracks the whole time. "First and biggest tourist group in the expo," he said, "barring that other Korean group of course, but we outnumber them so it doesn't matter".

After that diversion, the gates opened and we had to go through unnecessary turns just to get to inspection. Like the airport, bags, belts, jackets and gadgets had to be x-rayed. No shoes required.

Gate 8 was basically beside the US exhibit, as well as the South American ones. Now, these exhibits aren't necessarily set up in booths in a big hall, most of the exhibitors are given their own buildings that they can decorate and fill up. Depending on the budget (and sponsors) a country has, their buildings could be as big and as wide as an SM mall, or as small as a store inside said mall.

A lot of the attention is clearly on China's own exhibit hall, but other countries do stand out quite a bit, some more than others. Now, we don't actually get to see the East Asian and Business-Oriented sectors till tomorrow, but for now, I'll enumerate the buildings that made a great first impression.

1) Thailand - a majestic temple with dancers who'll entertain those who wait in line
2) Philippines - not exactly anything gaudy nor standout, but it's got a sense of simplicity and minimalism, especially at night
3) Singapore - a commanding symbol of a future-oriented country, pretty much the Expo's mantra to a T
4) Australia - an understated but nonetheless striking brown structure that is as minimalist in the morning as it is at night
5) Indonesia - a lively hub that features a fusion of greenery and technology
6) Germany - asymmetrical and uniquely designed; has a bar too
7) Romania - a unique wiry building formed to look like a green apple
8) Switzerland - dangling red thingies surround the building
9) Hungary - wood and tubes of flowing water give off a sense of simplicity

These are all I remember liking, for now.

However, much of the exhibits, especially Portugal, Italy, England (which I didn't get to see on the outside), Switzerland, Singapore, Australia and pretty much every other major European nation (BELGIUM DAMN) had their hands full. If you were at the end of the line you would have to wait four straight hours before being able to access the inside. I don't think anything is worth that, except maybe for Switzerland, where white things resembling vehicles slightly jutted out of its roof, driven by some dude.

Biggest disappointment was Hungary. Wooden sticks going up and down with lights attached on the bottom and some weird object perched on a pedestal with nary a description, not even a caption. Not exactly exciting (but then there was no line either).

Best one we actually got into was Thailand. Aside from the entertainment while waiting in line, you get access to not one, not two, but three exhibitions, each one outdoing the next. First was a presentation inspired by falling torrents of water, then there was a panoramic movie, and taking the cake was a 3D short film. Yes the effects were the on-your-face kind but the level of polish each one had was impressive enough, considering that, like Azerbaijan or Moldova, exhibitions in their most barebones form consisted of TV screens with text on the bottom.

Throughout the expo area, buses and electronic cars roamed the area. As tempted we were to rest our feet, we made our way from the entirety of Europe to the ASEAN part... and back. Suffice it to say, you can't underestimate the compact nature of a map, especially when it involves exhibits from more than 200 countries.

From psyched, I became just plain irritable. Heat and the long lines ruined the mood and the walking was just getting exasperating. We were ready to call it a day. We checked the time. 3:30. Oh dear.

Getting free time under a tour package has its advantages and disadvantages. Advantage was that we could do anything we wanted at the given time. Disadvantage, in this case, is finding virtually nothing to do when time is still bountiful. We were to assemble at 6, what to do with the rest of the 2 hours and 30 minutes?

We waited, we sat on benches, we ate the rest of our light lunch and finally decided to go to Africa's exhibit.

What's different about Africa is that it's actually pretty much the opposite of all the other exhibits. Instead of assigning one part of the country each a separate building, they are all congregated in a huge hall dedicated to Africa- kinda like SMX.

No lines, no fuss, maybe this should've been the Expo's format. Then again, the ambition would be lost and China wouldn't have its pavillion to brag about.

Despite our previously bought light lunch, we still found ourselves giving in to something heavier. And what better way to support a global expo than to support your own country's exhibition?

Yep, we ate inside the Philippine exhibition.

There wasn't much of a line, and when we got to the door a few countrymen rushed in to welcome us along (in both English and Chinese), and there I saw someone who looked familiar. Hell, I think I've seen him attend MASCKS plays before. I don't know him personally but I'm sure it's that guy.

Familiarity aside, the exhibit wasn't particularly anything special. A little sponsor pimping (Oishi and Bench PinoyLab), a band singing "Manila" with all the Chinese people clapping and a spacious place to eat.

It's not bad, but it's not impressive. Nothing particularly distinctive culturally except for the food.

6pm. Time to walk with agonizing pain to the coach.

Apparently, someone (else) is paying for the dinner again, and thankfully, it was much better than last night's. Still, I have to admit, the courses were so damn many that I felt guilty after the 5th one was served, not because of dieting, but because I was so full that I felt guilty about that potential dish that could've been served to someone homeless instead. That's how full I was.

Nevertheless, I felt like I gained some weight, which is bad.

Going down the elevator of this particular restaurant though, may have been the longest 10 seconds ever. You see, there was a smell. It was gas. Unlike Hong Kong, anyone could light a cigarette at any given place without consequence. But maybe the fatigue got into my head.

Then my father said, "LPG ata to ah."

Liquified petroleum gas. Were we gonna die there? Was someone on top of the elevator planning to light a match?

Conspiracy theories started dominating my thoughts. Paranoia settled. Claustrophobia was ready to pounce at me.

And then the doors opened. Everything was fine, but I couldn't help but feel like the building would explode like the Glorietta. But it didn't. It was my fatigue this time.

Before going back to the hotel, we went for a brief tour of Shanghai's night spots. Basically, spots that look insane at night. Most obvious place would be to go to the famous Bund. It's been 6 years since I saw it and it hasn't changed a bit.

Beautiful.

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Shanghai World Expo 2010 (or how I lost 500 calories and gained 2000)

2010-05-05T09:44:00.000+08:00