Fairy Tales Not Ideal For Children

You'd think that the many fairy tales literature offers are merely shallow, simple tales of flamboyant fallacy, but they aren't as shallow as you'd think, and some of them are even more graphic and gory than 300! Let's enumerate a few...

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
It starts innocently enough with a little girl in a red hood doing errands. Suddenly, a wolf comes into the picture and wants to eat the girl. So the gory details already come at this point as the wolf actually EATS the grandmother. So you know what happens after that.

"Grandma, what big -body part- you have!"

Anyway, the wolf reveals himself as, well, a wolf in grandma clothing. And at the most opportune time, the theme of animal cruelty comes in and a logger, I think, cuts open the wolf's stomach and releases grandma! Not only that, but doesn't biology state that the grandma should've been burning in stomach acids (enzymes) by now?

Well, the grandma goes out unscathed, and the wolf... well, let's leave this to the SOCO.

Besides, why bother retiring in a house in a forest in the first place?

THE HARE AND THE TORTOISE
You know how this fable goes: rabbit dares turtle to a race, rabbit gets fatigued, turtle wins. Of course, this one has a pretty good lesson, but I'm just shocked as to how a slow turtle could still catch up and bag first place! Is it like, hibernation season? No one takes a nap this long unless it's hibernation season. Come on, a turtle is as slow as a Pentium 2 running Vista. It's still not possible for it to catch up! A rabbit can indeed take a nap during a race since a turtle is so damn slow, but it's just not possible... I'm denying the possibility!

THE RED SHOES
It got into the list solely for the fact that it could have well been an exploitation movie.

For the uninitiated, here's the gist of the story: Girl gets a pair of red shoes, she likes them so much she never took them off, she decides to take them off but she couldn't and she suddenly starts dancing without control. Woodman sees this as she dances into the woods so he cuts her legs off and gives her wooden ones. The end.

Told you it would make for a grindhouse flick. I mean, you can like, cast Rose McGowan and she could act like a crutch again and they would put a gun on it again. Thing is, it has to be both legs this time.

Boy is that gonna be gory.

CHICKEN LITTLE/HENNY PENNY
The stories of Chicken Little and Henny Penny do not differ by much except for the ending. The former wasn't exactly of any interest-- just a happily ever after. But the latter involves a wolf eating a chicken, so all doesn't end well after all!

Still, that's not exactly the only thing that's pretty bad about them. No, it's the beginning of the story, when the little hen thinks that the sky is falling. So an acorn falls on his head, right? Interesting.

This leads me to ask why we believe any of Newton's theories to be true-- seeing that he was hit on the head with an apple and all like the chicken. Doesn't this turn everything around? Doesn't it render Isaac Newton's logic to be false? Doesn't this render Physics in its entirety as a fraudulent, miscalculated field? Why can't we believe the chicken and we believe the human when they both get epiphanies in the same manner?

Owwww... My head hurts.



Posted with LifeCast