Portal Review: The Cake Is A Lie

Portal (PC, 360, PS3)

Valve

With a great, unique gun in your hands, you won't be able to hurt people, but you could still cause wanton destruction-- and maybe get some cake.

Still, with that gun comes a catch: you'll have to test it first.

Basically, you're a test subject in the APERTURE Science Lab, and the only thing guiding you is a computer voice named GLaDOS, yes, an operating system. The only thing you'll have to do? Well, find the exit in each level and ride the elevator. That's basically it.

AAAAAHHHHHH CRAAAAP

So what about going to the exit? What's so special about it? Well, it's harder than you think. And maybe even more nauseating too. Acid rivers, energy balls, spikes, and platforming hazards arise. You also have your companion cube with you so you can MURDER!- I mean, press big buttons.

I wuv my companion cube. Seriously, it has a charm to it.

Anyway, this is pretty much the premise of the game. But despite that, the game is extremely funny, and the gameplay mechanics are very inventive. The only thing you'll be able to actually do with your gun is to shoot two colored portals onto concrete. When you go inside a portal, you'll get out of the other, but you'll also have to be creative with the placement of your portals. When you play it, you'll find out how creative you'll have to be.

Where in the hell?

The puzzles are the star of the show here, and the later ones are even hair-pulling-ly difficult even in Normal difficulty. But the payoff to the difficulty is pretty much the boss battle and the ending song. Seriously, that ending song is a brilliant method of plot progression, as in, it's probably one of the most creative ways to declare, "I'll be back, -evil laugh-".

Moreover, this game simply has a great villain. GLaDOS is just... NUTS in a good way. The voice she has will at first set a semi-serious mood, and later you'll find yourself laughing so hard, you might kill yourself in a level.

Unfortunately, the game is extremely short, but I ended up trying to finish it for months anyway, and that's because I simply have a chronic sickness to these First Person Platformers. Other than that, Portal is just one of the best games you'll be able to play. You'd actually know that it was good because I'm having a really bad time typing this review. And when something's good, I tend to type whatever.

Rating: 9/10