Movies Opening This Week: Supernatural Love Triangle

"Why are you so against me to come with you?" said Bella Swan.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Come on, I don't want to beat around the bush. This looks like crap, although I have to admit, it looks like the strongest entry to date.

Of course, you can't really say much about the word "strong" in this context.

But really, what else is there aside from the much-shown vampires vs. werewolves setpiece that will actually interest the fans? You can't really fault Summit for opting to show more of the same staring (oh wait, that's Stephenie Meyer's fault too) but the brooding is just tiring to watch. Fine, fine, I've avoided watching the so-called "saga" like the plague, but I'm conscious enough about the pop culture to know that, yes, Twilight's main attraction is staring... and shirtless Taylor Lautner.

To say that Robert Pattinson is even a marketable face is debatable, but really, I can't find anything fresh and new about this installment. I mean, yes, the Harry Potter series is sort of the like this, but at least that series introduces new concepts in its world regularly that keeps it somewhat fresh (eg, Triwizard Tournament in Potter 4, Umbridge in Potter 5, the Inferi and Horcruxes in Potter 6).

I propose that there should be a bold new direction in Breaking Dawn, which as I've heard is already full of explicit content that isn't as fit to market to the tweens. Why not push it further and create an even more complicated supernatural love rectangle by putting that Dakota Fanning Volturi character in the mix. I mean, come on, they've done it before. It won't be exposed in the trailer, and people will be surprised. Word will spread and a whole new audience will be introduced. Even if that new audience will be an audience of pervs, Summit will earn more money, Twilight will get more publicity, and everyone will be scrambling to make a contrived sequel to Breaking Dawn. Man, I should be working at Summit.

To cleanse the palate, let's go for an animated ride with monkeys... in space.

Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back
I never knew there was a market for a sequel to Space Chimps but, well, there it is. In theaters and not in home video (where it really belongs).

After wasting time rambling on about the politics of Twilight, I can't really say anything about this one anymore. I'm just baffled to see that the first one even made a profit. And they had the creative funding to develop a new character. And it's in 3D.

Maybe... it's just because it's an underwhelming new release compared to, I don't know, a PIXAR FILM?!

Whatever the case, people will become indecisive by the inherent awesomeness that the real alternative to Twilight this week will offer, and that alternative is:

The Last Airbender
I don't mind removing "Avatar" from the title, even though people will keep saying that title instead of "The Last Airbender". Why? Because a lot of people are really fond of the Nickelodeon animated series that came before it.

But the more significant fact that springs from the movie is that M. Night Shyamalan, a once-respected director, might actually become legitimate again. Yes, yes, there's a lot of racebending happening with the cast behind the scenes, but a lot of movie looks visually faithful to the source material nonetheless, and it's still an epic summer movie whichever way you look at it. In short, it will have a pedestrian story but a magnificent aesthetic. Despite the apparent choice of style over substance, this is still gearing up to be a great summer movie to watch out for.

And hey, if the story really is good, then that's a huge double whammy for everybody concerned.

Although the fact that it's being upconverted to 3D at the last minute really worries me...