Showing posts with label you don't mess with the zohan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label you don't mess with the zohan. Show all posts

August 4, 2008

Stuck in the 60's with Mamma Mia (and more reviews)

~~~NOW SHOWING~~~
Mamma Mia
Starring: Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Amanda Seyfried
Universal Pictures

Whoever doesn't know at least one ABBA song is a caveman. Surely at least you know the tune of the chorus to Dancing Queen, maybe Mamma Mia, because it's like you're born with it because it exudes this sense of nostalgia even if you haven't heard it before, yes it's that popular.

So if ABBA was this influential to our everyday lives for some reason, why not make a musical right? And that's when the original Broadway show was conceived, and has become one of the most successful, long-running plays on Broadway, which is why it's not much of a surprise to even think that a movie adaptation wouldn't be far off. And come on, Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan? What a draw.

Although we were planning to see it the day Dark Knight came out, those plans were halted since Mamma Mia became one of those movies that share a theater with another movie, thus having a divided timeslot that we weren't able to reach so... even though the same holds true in today's (August 3) case, we were able to reach the showing time.

So on we go to the story. Well, there's not much to it but a story about a girl who's betrothed to this guy with a British accent and is on a mission to find her father because she found her mother's diary revealing 3 possible candidates, all whom her mother "loved" at around the same month, so she can be "given away". Of course, this is without her mother's knowledge, so all hell breaks loose when she does find out, and you know people don't mess with Meryl Streep, but this girl just had to, and now look what you've gotten her into!

OK, OK, maybe it's not really a bad movie, just a smidge above mediocre. Why? Well, I'll cover it in the proceeding paragraphs...

Now, ABBA songs are always pleasant to listen to, so thank heavens that the lyrics weren't changed at all, and they're put right in the middle of a good situation. But the movie executes plenty of these sequences in a mixed-up, sloppy fashion because it feels as if they crumpled up together many almost irrelevant situations so that they can sing an ABBA song. For example, what does "romance for an older woman" have to do with "trying to find my real father"? Well, unless it's Ashton Kutcher we're talking about, nothing.

And yeah, choreography is nice, the set is just beautiful (it's in Greece!), but is the cinematography? Well, I guess you can say it's better than average. At times, it's good, at other times it's just, you know, not so creative. Of course, it's a pretty minor gripe, but I would've enjoyed it better if they took even more advantage of the wonderful locale.

But still, the film's cinematography sometimes suggests that the entirety of the movie is merely in the confines of the theater, and the choreography makes this theory rock solid. Why? Well, the extras who also serve as back-up singers can apparently jump to the top of the roof of a building of several stories, swim to shore from thin air, and suddenly multiply near a tropical bar. It's just crazy.

And now, I've saved the worst gripe for last, and that's Pierce Brosnan. Admittedly, most of the actors here need some fine-tuning in their voice (except Meryl Streep- she's a goddess no question) but Pierce Brosnan by far is the worst singer in the bunch. Yeah, casting for his character would've been pretty good (but made one thing really obvious, but I won't divulge it so as not to spoil the movie) except that his voice is too... I don't know. You know what? I'll just say that the expression on Meryl Streep's face when Pierce Brosnan sang the first line of the song "SOS", was similar to the expression I made. I thought during that moment, "Yeah, Meryl thought he was terrible too.". Oh, and the crackling speakers so did not help.

The real star of the show here is, of course, Meryl Streep. Yeah, she's merely relegated to a mother role, but she always seems to stand out and take over. I mean, in Streep standards, she could do this role in her sleep. And the fact that she sings flawlessly, and cracks her voice during the most appropriate of times, like when she's crying.

Of course, it was supposed to be Amanda Seyfried's movie. Ironically, she's not even listed in most of the posters I've seen even if she plays the protagonist. Her acting is so-so, and her face, especially the part around her eyes, makes her look like she cries buckets every time she isn't on-camera.

The movie may be full of flaws, but it's undeniably fun, and come on, ABBA songs are catchy! And if you're pretty down, maybe this movie could cheer you up to some extent. And come on, the ending could make you laugh because of its utter, but intentional, corniness.

It's pretty advisable viewing if you're with your family, but it still depends on the kind of stuff you like. If you like musicals, or just plain ABBA, this one's for you. If you haven't even heard of ABBA but are fascinated, this could also be an accessible introduction (although you can also travel to New York and watch the play version). And if you simply don't like musicals, or don't like camp, maybe you oughta watch The Dark Knight again... or try The Bank Job, I heard it's good.

Rating: 6/10 (It could've been a 7 were it not for Pierce Brosnan.)

~~NEXT PICTURE~~
You Don't Mess With The Zohan
Starring: Adam Sandler, possibly Rob Schneider

Oh great, another Sandler flick. And it's about an Israeli this time with mad fighting skills but aspires to be a hairdresser. This is what's great about Sandler flicks, it always presents a fresh story that makes a person curious. But at just the first few minutes of the flick, you'll realize it's still the same concoctions: sexual jokes, corny jokes, some funny moments, more bad jokes, Disney ending.

So it wasn't a surprise to see myself sleeping halfway around the movie. So even though I won't be able to give a proper review (I won't be giving it a rating either), I'll just give you my thoughts on what I saw.

It starts out like this: the Zohan is partying with other people, shows off his butt, then gets called by the military to fight terrorists. So, he fights terrorists in an awfully corny manner just to emulate he's strong and all, and by this point I've lost interest.

Anyway, he fakes his death, goes to America and pursues his hairdressing dreams initially in a big beauty parlor, but winds up in an Arabian salon in an obscure part of town. He first acts as hair sweeper bla bla bla and oh, a Filipino actor, and then bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla, and then he finally gets a chance to cut someone's hair and does it in a rather special (and stupid, disgusting, yawn-inducingly repetitive manner) manner that makes the salon popular.

However, his past comes back to haunt him as someone gets to recognize his real identity, because Zohan came to the US and changed his name to... something Coco.

He also develops a relationship with his 20-something female employer (and after screwing with old ladies, why wouldn't he?) and they ponder about the Arabian-Israeli war or something. And after this part, I just couldn't resist sleeping.

I mean, come on! It's predictable!

You know what? I have a challenge. Go watch Zohan on opening week, and tell me if the following will be true:
1) There will be a huge fight near the end between the Phantom and Zohan because Phantom will go to the States.
2) Zohan will still be running that Arabian salon despite Paul Mitchell's pleas.
3) The stuff in between will be filler.
4) Zohan will engage in a homosexual relationship. (OK, a bit too farfetched.)

Basically, Sandler's other vehicle from last year, I Pronounce You Chuck and Larry managed to make me laugh more in the same period of time than this piece of bollox.

~~COMING SOON... ON DVD~~~
Wanted
Starring James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman, Angelina Jolie
Universal Pictures

Wesley Gibson is an ordinary man who has an excruciating accounting job and a "girlfriend". Not bad for such a recluse. And every time his lady boss makes a sermon because her billing statements haven't been done yet, the guy always suffers some psychological anxiety problem, and drugs are the only thing that can suppress it.

But later, after meeting a mysterious (hot) girl named Fox, played by Angelina Jolie, he discovers that his father, a secret assassin, was killed by a rogue of their fraternity called, well, The Fraternity which is composed of skilled assassins whose base is guised in a facade of a textile factory.

Wesley also learns that his "anxiety attacks" are actually him producing adrenaline, thus being able to bend bullets and do stuff in bullet time. Of course, the other members of the Fraternity have this skill as well, but after a rather surprising twist here and there, Wesley finds out about the real truth, and all hell breaks loose.

It's actually mindless action fare, but something just takes it far above from mediocre. Is it the jaw-dropping special effects? The subtle comedy of the keyboard? The actors? Well, it's all of them, and to be honest, this movie I liked, and it's a really fun experience. Angelina Jolie's back-side was a plus.

Unfortunately, I watched this only on DVD. If I had fun on that alone, what more if I watched this in a theater? Too bad it's not showing anymore around here though.

And yes, Morgan Freeman is also awesome, and he shows that Binary numbers can indeed be a life-and-death situation.

Sorry for the rather short review, but simply put, it's all I can say. If you want some fun, Wanted is your destination. With effects that are on par with The Matrix, and comedy that's funny as hell, as well as a surprising performance by the usually dramatic James McAvoy, it's simply the summer movie that you've been waiting for (post-Iron Man).

Rating: 8/10

~~TURN BACK THE CLOCK~~
The Mummy 1
Starring Brendan Frasier, Rachel Weisz
Universal Pictures

Let's go back to 1999 and look at this movie called The Mummy. Now, it was probably intended for the summer audience back in the day, because it's full of mindless fun and hammy acting (courtesy of Brendan Frasier).

Some regard it as simply a fun time, and yes, I pretty much agree. It had great effects for the time, yes, but it's used a bit too extensively, and I guess even a person who's made Transformers the standard for CGI, will still probably be able to appreciate this flick.

So how does this start out? Well, it starts out with a brief history lesson about the priest Imhotep and his forbidden relationship with the queen. The pharaoh catches them, and the queen is killed, while Imhotep is mummified alive (along with his subordinates). Plenty years later, we shift to Brendan Frasier (I forgot the names) who is a treasure hunter. He sees the "lost city" or something but he is arrested. Yet another flash-forward later, we go to Cairo and meet a librarian played by Rachel Weisz. She also has a brother who's a treasure hunter as well, and what he finds changes their lives forever. The two hunt down the jailed man who claims he knows the way to the "lost city" and the warden consents but only for a share of the treasure. So why "The Mummy" and not "Duck Tales"? Apparently, the curious librarian reads a passage from a certain dark book, and Imhotep awakes, skeleton and all.

The journey starts here, and you'll more or less know what happens from this point.

The happenings are kinda predictable, and most of the characters here are rather disposable, literally, since there's quite a huge body count throughout the course of the movie. And frankly, there's not much human emotion going on in the movie, and because the characters of Rachel Weisz and Brendan Frasier seem to hate each other so much, you just know that they're gonna end up together -eyeroll-.

I have not much to say to be honest, and frankly, this movie is just conventional and disposable and not to mention, forgettable. Of course, you'll still remember the stars, since this movie is what made most of them big in the first place, but whatever, it's just mindless and mediocre, and really a rip-off to Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Would I pick a melting Nazi head in stop-motion rather than the sandy head of the vengeful Imhotep? Yes.

Rating: 5/10

May 29, 2008

Summer Movie Watchlist

The movie season is at its prime yet again, and summer started out with the magnificent Iron Man and opened up more box office gold with Indy Jones and Narnia. But the question is, what's next? I introduce you to some movies that are of interest.

You Don't Mess With the Zohan
Adam Sandler isn't exactly the best comedian in the movies, but his new comedy has a pretty bizarre plot that goes like this: He is an Israelite fighting terrorism, and he fakes his death to go to New York to achieve his dream of becoming a hairstylist. He becomes famous immediately after giving a customer some "special treatment" and his skyrocketing fame isn't fast enough to not let his past catch up, though.

Why is an Adam Sandler movie of interest to me this time around? Well, Judd Apatow's (40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Dewey Cox) one of the writers of the script, so it's automatically a must-see in my book.

The Incredible Hulk
I personally haven't watched the Ang Lee version, but this re-telling of the Green Giant's origin and re-casting makes it seem that it's gonna be huger and better than aforementioned version. And with that also comes new enemies, obviously.

The Happening
Talented actor Mark Wahlberg topbills a new M. Night Shyamalan horror flick. And to get you up to speed with who the heck this director is, M. Night Shyamalan is the one responsible for making the acclaimed movie The Sixth Sense. So yeah, you will again be seeing more dead people- this time looking even more grotesque because the film's R-rated.

As for the plot, it's about apocalypse caused by something unknown. People are dying like hell, and everything's turning into a big wasteland. Will the schoolteacher Elliot (Wahlberg) and his family escape their eminent doom?

Get Smart
I featured this one the last time I made a list, and I am still putting it in this one because I just want to watch it. Not only was I instantly sold by Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway being the on-screen duo (oh, the comical opportunities!), but because the trailer also makes it seem very promising! Watch out for this one, but if you forgot what it's about, here's a synopsis:

Maxwell Smart (Carell) is an analyst for CONTROL and has always dreamed about working in the field like Agent 23 (The Rock), and when the Chief is forced to send him on a mission to thwart crime syndicate KAOS' plot for world domination, all the laughs break loose. But there to accompany him on his mission is Agent 99 (Hathaway) especially because she has the brains. Still, will the duo be enough to save the day?

Wanted
The movie looks like a screamer!

Wesley Gibson is a man who is living a routine life until his father gets murdered. This happening sets to motion a lot of otherworldly happenings, that involve a woman checking him out in which he discovers is actually an assassin who worked with his dad before. He also discovers that he has inherited his father's special powers which are used- obviously- to kill people. Will he use them just to avenge his father? Or will he continue working with Angelina Jolie anyway?

Complete with explosions and butt-kicking action, the new Jolie-McAvoy flick looks like it will have what the typical summer movie has. I won't come in with high expectations though, because it also seems like the type of summer movie that is also dumb. You know, like Kung Fu Panda? But still, Iron Man surprised everyone when it went out of the stereotype because it provided not only what a typical summer movie would offer, but also a bit more humor and brains.

Wall-E
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Just kidding. Maybe if it gets released, I'd say that. And for good reason, Wall-E is shaping up to be a real masterpiece, and I can't just resist waiting for its release, which is the around the 26th or 27th of June.

Hancock
If you're an avid theater patron, you probably would've seen the trailer by now. But if not, let me get you up to speed.

This new Will Smith blockbuster tells the story of a man with supernatural powers named Hancock. However, Hancock isn't exactly like any other superhero in the planet as he drinks alcohol while saving the world, among other deeds you wouldn't expect your normal superhero to be doing. However, when he saves the life of a guy named Ray Embrey, the guy becomes determined to reform him and turn him into a real hero. Question is, will that endeavor actually work for very long? I mean, he's even flirting with Embrey's wife in the midst of his comeback!

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
I haven't watched the first Hellboy, however, the name Guillermo del Toro raises eyebrows- and I mean that in the best way possible. Why? Well, for starters, he's the director of the acclaimed Pan's Labyrinth and producer(?) of last year's horror movie The Orphanage. So basically, yeah, he's a damn good director. And I can't wait to see what he does to the costumed freaks of hell (corny pun intended).

Batman: The Dark Knight
Yet again directed by Christopher Nolan, this new movie is the sequel to Batman Begins. All the actors reprise their roles from the first (except Katie Holmes) one and now a new crime lord has settled in Gotham. And of course, everyone knows by now who it is: it's Heath Ledger as the Joker! As if the movie hasn't got enough buzz already, Ledger's tragic death will make movie-goers want the movie even more, I mean, who wouldn't want to watch Heath Ledger's genuinely chilling performance? (It's not his last, though.)

Mamma Mia!
The ABBA musical gets the big-screen treatment- and the star power to match. Meryl Streep in particular is definitely gonna make the movie an instant must-watch, but the funny plot will definitely intrigue others. Speaking of plot, it's a lighthearted movie about a girl named Sophie. She's gonna be marrying to Sky- her true love- but she has no father to give her away. Fiddling with mother's diary only complicates things, because three of the men in the book might be her father! So, she sends a letter to them to see which one of them gets the right to escort her down the aisle, only to find out that the wedding's gonna become a big fat Greek wedding. No, really, it's in Greece... with accompanying Swedish tunes... Hmmm...

Step Brothers
Yay, another Judd Apatow! OK, maybe he didn't direct it, but when his name is plastered onto a movie, regardless of role, it's bound to be good, and I loved John C. Reilly in the hilarious Walk Hard!

Anyway, here's the story: it's about a slacker living with his dad and another slacker living with his mom. When the parents of the two slackers get together, the slackers instantly hate each other at first sight. However, if they don't get along, and get a job, and get out of the house, the lives of the married couple might get destroyed.
 
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