E3 '09: The Two In Nintendo

Yes, I'm using yesterday's format for reporting the E3 news. No bolding or italicizing, sorry.

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Nintendo starts it off with a video that reaffirms its focus on the casual market. Cammie Dunaway comes back on stage this year and boasts about the expansion of gaming into the mainstream marketplace. Hmm, gaming in general, I think.

"Today we will bring you the leap forward in game control and put in places you may not expect." she then hints on a Mario game, and a retrospective comes out detailing the NES, SNES, N64, DS and Wii adventures.

"Four is the key to Mario's next surprise," she hints again, "a Mario game that's never been possible before- New Super Mario Bros. for Wii". Bombshell already?

Someone gets called to demo New Super Mario Bros. Wii, "we add more players," he said. The four rotate the Wiimote NES-style. Graphics look exactly like the DS version?

One box automatically makes 4 items appear. New Propeller power-up revealed. Somehow reminds me of LittleBigPlanet, still looks fun. (Cross-reference: GiantBomb says final game may get 80 levels!!!!)

Carrie talks again, confirms Holiday 2009 window. No online? That would be a big draw.

She hints at the rumored Wii Fit Plus. Is it true? Hints at sales figures of the Wii Fit... shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

There ya go, it's true. Wii Fit Plus is true. "This next version moves in an added direction. Find an exercise routine that fits you. 6 new Yoga and Strength exercises and combine in any order you want as well as repeat ones you think are helpful. It will keep track of calories burned. But there are 15 new balance games because Nintendo flavor isn't there if it isn't fun." Basically they're addressing common criticisms of the original.

Personally, the platforming game in Wii Fit Plus is the only that looks kinda fun. "Will support existing Wii Balance Board and ship with it"

A video of the Wii is shown... but for what?

Anyway, Reggie Fils-Aime goes on stage. He talks the good about Wii and free publicity through word of mouth, etc.. He's pleasing the shareholders.

He points out Wii MotionPlus. Old news, man. Nothing to see here. "Wii MotionPlus adds precision control" then a video comes out. -yawn- Ping pong... basketball... swordfighting... archery... golf (again?)... jet skiing...

JUST RELEASE WII SPORTS RESORT ALREADY. We get it... although I guess the basketball and the swordfighting look pretty cool.

Reggie punches Peter Molyneux in the face, "With video you can do anything". Now they demo the actual game... AGAIN. Did Nintendo erase all memory of last year's E3 conference?

But wait a sec, SKYDIVING?!

Looks really NOT fun. Seriously, but I guess Project Natal won't be able to do this either. But I guess my brother thinks it's cool.

Now archery gets demoed. -sigh- He's embarrassing himself by sucking. Fine Nintendo, I'm gonna buy Wii MotionPlus but for Red Steel 2 and all those other games that will obviously use it.

Next, Reggie gets invited back out on stage so he can co-op with the demoer whoever he is. What game are they demoing again? Oh, basketball. Side shots only? Lame. Looks tiring in long runs. Reggie wins, probably demotes demoer for actually "trash-talking" him.

July 26 is the release date for Wii Sports Resort, but Reggie points out EA's other games. Tiger Woods and Grand Slam Tennis, both by EA, will come packed in with the accessory, as well as SEGA's Virtua Tennis 2009.

"Every little mistake you make in the real world will be faithfully reflected in the game." Great, more reason to embarrass myself.

Reggie points out the Red Steel 2 will only play when you have MotionPlus. -raspberry- Lame. No demo?

"Let's go to the RPG. It allows devs to vary their approach and this means a new world for Square Enix in the FF franchise" Bad voice acting and script are shown in a trailer for Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Crystal Bearers. It might suck.

Then Kingdom Hearts 358/2 for DS is shown as well. Kairi in Organization wear? Many other familiar characters from the world are shown, and it looks pretty good. Pretty faithful to the PS2.

"Bowser really does suck. But in a good way." Latest Mario and Luigi RPG shown (in Japan it's Mario and Luigi 3, here it's Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story) and the premise is shown. Basically, the two get sucked into Bowser's stomach. I'm excited as hell for this, but because I loved Mario and Luigi Partners in Time. Wow, the Bowser segments look epic. Fall is the release window.

One more RPG is shown. What is it? ZELDA? ZELDA? ZELDA? ZELDA? ZELDA? ZELDA? ZELDA? Oh wait, it's not. Golden Sun is this franchise they're talking about. I'm not familiar with it, but it looks pretty damn good.

Carrie goes back on stage and boasts about the install base. AGAIN. Can't there be more games? Oh God, what the hell is this Women's Murder Club crap? Ugh... lame. Stick to books James Patterson.

C.O.P. The Recruit is shown, and it's a Ubisoft game. Judging from Ubi's track record in the Nintendo arena, I think it'll suck. Maybe the GTA clone will actually NOT suck?

What is this pre-teen crap now? Style Savvy. Spare me. Well, at least it has an online component unlike... NEW SUPER MARIO BROS. WII... Damn it, all the online in the all the wrong games.

Another "Everyone's game" video comes out, and it's about the DSi. Ugh... bla bla bla, 1 million units, bla bla bla, 400000 units for the DS Lite, bla bla bla.

Now they're talking about the DSiWare. A flipbook game, a Mario vs. Donkey Kong: Minis March Again! game (in which one can make levels) and WarioWare DIY (in which players can design their own microgames) are exclusively for download. WarioWare DIY is the only one that interests me.

Carrie announces a new feature for DSi. Basically, you can upload pictures to Facebook so you can make new enemies by editing your friends' faces.

The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks is now featured. No footage? Ugh....

ANOTHER EVERYONE'S GAME VIDEO. GAH.

Satoru Iwata goes on stage. No one's clapping. He's talking in English, and wants the "Maybe?" gamer group to be able to finalize their stance on gaming. This "Maybe?" = 149 Million people round the world. Fine. So what? Ugh, is this speech even worth listening to?

I think he's talking about the hardcore and the casual and how they're so divided or something like that. Maybe he wants to stick two and two together through a really good casual-hardcore game? Who knows?

Yeah, I'm sensing a new kind of game that caters to both audiences. New Super Mario Bros., Wii Fit Plus and Wii Sports Resort are those games, he says. No they aren't.

He's gonna announce a new IP? Stop teasing... Oh what's this? Wii Vitality Sensor? You stick your finger inside it and... what? It looks creepy. It's like sticking your finger onto a little stapler. Some practical uses, please? "A new way to relax"? WTF. WILL GAMES EVEN USE IT? IS IT EVEN A GAME TOOL? COME ON, DON'T LEAVE IWATA.

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Carrie goes back to the stage and points out the Mario games that were announced of which there are several. Now, she's gonna reveal "the first second full 3D Mario title on a single Mario console". YES, IT'S SUPER MARIO GALAXY 2!

It seems you can now be controlled by Yoshi ala Super Mario World. As usual, it looks really good visually, hope they screw the rolling segments though. I doubt that.

Whatever, it looks really good. But I'm still not a fan of swimming.

Reggie says that all of those were "innovative and surprising". Well, it sure was surprising. That Vitality Sensor sure looks like crap.

"Let me offer third-party examples for Wii that you'll be able to play before the year's end." He shows The Conduit by SEGA which gets out in a few weeks (or was it days?), Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles by Capcom which is basically RE: Zero in light gun format, as well as Dead Space: Extraction by EA. Old news, all of them, and only three games? That kinda sucks, although Dead Space looks pretty good. Or not.

"Third party developers are drawn by opportunity, and Nintendo provides a lot of it." Yeah, opportunity to put shovelware and make a cheap buck.

Team Ninja and Nintendo?! What the? Holy... Project M... what is this? It looks good... SAMUS? METROIDDDDD... WTF IT LOOKS PRETTY... Pretty... pretty.. what the hell did they DO TO IT?! Third-person?! Samus looks badass as always though. Who is the scientist lady? 2010, huh?

No one clapped at that?! I need to know more!!!!!!

But the excitement ends... ugh... more everybody's game crap. UGH... that kinda sucked, but not as much as last year. And why didn't they even say anything about any new Zelda? Miyamoto had to confirm it in private?!