Movies Opening This Week: The Coup de Grace

Last week, we saw Miley Cyrus teaching contestants on American Idol as to how a successful tween star performs. This week, we see her showing off her acting skills and, apparently, flex her disturbing mouth. Is she pouting? Grinning? Both?

The Last Song
History has proven time and time again that movie adaptations of Nicolas Sparks books tend to do swimmingly in the box office. While overly sentimental, these movies are able to bank on a broad market made up of tweens, middle-aged women, general women, and of course, their dates. For the dates, I feel much pity because, well, hey! Here’s a new Sparks movie!

Yeah… adding insult to injury is Miley Cyrus, renowned “singer” and “TV show comedian”. While it’s safe to say that anyone whose names are attached to a Nicolas Sparks movie have genuinely good prospects in the future (which is more than what I can say for people who’ve won Oscars), I really hope this movie flops badly because it was about time that happened to a freaking Nicolas Sparks movie. And yes, I’m speaking out of prejudice and unfair bias. Why should you care?

I hope this becomes the coup de grace of Miley’s acting career; the last movie she’ll ever be starring in in the near future. It’s obviously false advertising if the movie title states that this movie will also feature her last song, but people can dream, can’t they?

SERIOUSLY, HER MOUTH LOOKS DISTURBING.

So maybe I’m doing some unwarranted flaming to this movie, but hey, I have a natural aversion to Nicolas Sparks film. Thankfully, there is a “dude movie” that will negate all the flowing hormones of this film.

Clash of the Titans
Clearly, after Avatar, the world will never be forgetting a certain Sam Worthington for some time and if you already forgot Jake Scully, then you’ll probably have this reminder come in handy.

This remake of the 1981 film (the one with monsters made of clay) has Perseus doing several gods a few favors so he can reach his beloved princess Andromeda. I’ve actually watched the original film, but the only scene I can seem to remember is the climactic Gorgon fight with Medusa and everything. Frankly, some of the scenes of this trailer don’t even have me jogging my memory at all, but whatever the case, the film looks quite epic, as any Greek myth-based film should. I have a feeling that it won’t do quite so well with the critics, but the box office returns will be huge. I personally can’t wait to see the outcome of all this, for I am actually quite worried that the movie might end up a bit convoluted.

Certainly, a huge monster attacking (stomping?) to the background music helps ease that worry.
In the end though, everything opening so far seems so… white. Why don’t we put in a little more… “culture”? Will Tyler Perry do?

Why Did I Get Married Too
Janet Jackson… whatever did happen to her?

Whatever the case, at least she’s coming back for the sequel to Why Did I Get Married, which I really didn’t watch.

And judging from the trailer… WHAT THE HELL IS THIS A HORROR FILM?

A movie about marriage, divorce, love, faith, honesty, blah blah blah, Why Did I Get Married Too is once again set in the Bahamas, where 4 close couples annually meet together to share stories about life and love. Some of their relationships become a bit rocky, some a bit scarred, and some a bit better. I’m not too familiar with these characters so I can’t really relate, but the ensemble dramedy looks like it’ll have a few of the same tropes that typical Tyler Perry movies possess. Maybe it’ll be entertaining or something. I don’t know.