Movies Opening This Week: Where's Ahnuld Edition

If Arnold's buttocks was the reason you wanted to watch the next Terminator, then you must have issues. Not only should you know that it lacks the present Governator, but you simply just have issues.

Termintor Salvation

The first Terminator to not have Arnold, the second to not have James Cameron at the helm and the third to have a big-ass budget, Terminator Salvation will by no means haul a load of dough all the same.

Anyway, it's set in 2018 with Christian Bale f-bombing his way against Skynet in a desolate world ruled by the organization and its Terminators. He's not alone, in fact, Christian Bale as John Connor is the leader of the resistance against the Skynet tyranny. Obviously, with a director like McG involved, it will probably have a load more action than there will be story. Just some proof to that McG claim: he's the director of Charlie's Angels.

Despite that, I'm still gonna want to watch this- and in a theater, although personally, I might not be able to do just that. If the film gets what it wants- which is money- then the new gang will surely be back. With or without at least a cameo from Arnold.

If Terminator was a preview at the future (although it's true that it also involves time travel), then this next movie will let you look at the past as you would in a museum... only more animated.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

I have yet to watch the high-grossing predecessor, but I do know that my sister didn't really like it, and the critics didn't really like it either.

Again, it builds up on the first movie's premise of museum figures coming to life. Not only is that logically idiotic since it's not actually the real historical figures in a cryogenic state and just plastic replicas, but it's also just a cash-in... an attempted repeat performance at getting more money.

How they got so many great actors and actresses is just beyond me. True, Ben Stiller is also a great guy, but he's only at his best when he's the director of the movie. The real surprise here is the inclusion of Amy Adams, Ricky Gervais, and Hank Azaria (although he's only great because of his voicework in the Simpsons)! Just... wow. Obviously, they used the box office returns to make a bigger, and questionably better film.

If history ain't your thing, then a spoof might make your day... or not.

Dance Flick

While dance flicks are truly bad and worthy of parodies, the Wayans Brothers' inclusion simply squashes all hope of a truly great parody. Yes, White Chicks was a guilty pleasure of mine, but after watching the trailer... I didn't really laugh much. This is the kind of humor my brothers would like though.

REVIEW: Tropic Thunder

What would you do if you were a huge fat balding Hollywood producer with a film that's outrageously expensive, behind schedule AND has one of the concerned film's actors kidnapped for ransom?

You call insurance, tell the terorrists to go f**k themselves and proceed to dance to the beat of Flo Rida's 'Low'.

Yup, just a sampling of Tropic Thunder's biting satire on Hollywood. Ironically, this fake-real-war-story-that-became-a-blockbuster-in-the-story-of-this-blockbuster-that-talks-about-Hollywood-in-real-life-to-audiences-in-real-life is also made and conceived by Hollywood star Ben Stiller (with Justin Thoreaux), and to be honest, it's actually funny even if it's extremely crass and crude.

Now, this movie is set in Vietnam where actors- Alpa Chino, failing action star Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller), Academy-award winner Australian Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr.) who delves so much into his own character that he underwent skin recoloration surgery to play an African-American, and lowbrow comedian Jeff (Jack Black) who's also addicted to heroin- are dropped into a real war zone after the director of the very late, very expensive war movie got tired of handling the prima donnas. The actors don't know about it, so they're in deep shit.

First of all, I'd like to give abundant praise to Robert Downey Jr. in his unforgettable role as "a dude playing a dude who's disguised as another dude". He's got the stereotype down pat for both African-American and Australian which results in him matching his character extremely well and being very funny in the process. In short, his acting is just top-notch.

Don't get me wrong, the other actors play their roles well, but Downey is just, damn. You seriously gotta see one of his latter scenes where he's so damn cool.

Well, anyway, this action-packed guerilla movie doesn't skimp on the explosive action either because the thing's full of it. Of course, much of it is used for comedic effect. So are the awkward silences of which there are many. I just can't resist chuckling every time there seems to be some kind of awkward silence because these people are pretty much hard to take seriously, especially Downey and his accent.

Direction is also nice. I mean, this thing could've ended up as crap anytime were the wrong men employed, but with Ben Stiller helming the film himself, it's hard to find fault, really. He squeezes some excellent performances from the cast, and he manages to put this comedy beyond stupid summer fare.

Still, some jokes in the movie fall flat. One part where Jack Black's character is tied to a tree and talks about explicitly graphic sexual content, there's just that feeling of disgust- much like in movies like Meet the Spartans.

The experience is humorous but not for everyone. If you don't like toilet humor, there's a chance that you'll hate this. But if you just want to see Tom Cruise dance and Robert Downey Jr. deliver the goods, you'll be left more than satisfied- with a few laughs as a bonus.

RATING: 8/10

Posted with LifeCast