Movies Opening This Week: Funny? and Funny!

I love Everybody Loves Raymond, but for its stars, there's life after it, apparently. Life in 20th Century Fox's consistently hellish movie line-up, that is. After Ray Romano's return in what seems to be the worst Ice Age of the bunch, comes a totally new (but not exactly original) movie with Doris Roberts called:

Aliens in the Attic

Ever been with a grandparent who tries too hard to relate to you by alluding to popular, current stuff but ultimately fails because he/she simply creates an aura of awkwardness? Well, this is the closest you can get to replicating that scenario. It takes notes from various movies and crams in all the hip things you can mention in the side to form what looks like one of the most incoherent family movies ever made. I mean, if you sell a movie based more upon the "grandma kicks ass" scene than the aliens themselves, you'd know there was something wrong with the titular characters.

Hell, even the guy's crotch hitting scene wasn't convincing. Has he ever been hit there? And is there zero-gravity in Halo? Maybe Half-Life would've made the reference more convincing. (Correct me if I'm wrong though.) Damn it, this movie looks so bad that I won't even bother churning out a synopsis.

One thing I'd have to concede is that the "grandma kicks ass" thing works.Why? Well, it's probably because of Doris Roberts herself. What about her? I don't know, she just seems to emit a certain screen presence that will make you laugh. She just makes what would've been a really corny reference to Street Fighter that much less lame.

But do you know what would really be funny? A movie about funny people.

Funny People

A more subdued Judd Apatow movie that still surprisingly brings in some laughs, Funny People seems like it has the potential to become the best Adam Sandler movie. Why? It's genuinely funny but it has heart (and from what I see, I think there won't be as much swearing).

And yes, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and Leslie Mann are in the bandwagon, as usual.

It's about a stand-up comedian who experiences a near-death experience. He tries to find the girl he loves and finds out that he already threw her away long ago. Now she's with Eric Bana sans the time travelling, and the comedian wants to get her back with the help of Seth Rogen's character.

It seems to have a really good screenplay, a really nice cast, and most importantly, funny delivery. OK, maybe the Australian accent part was a bit "eh", but the bottom line here is that it's really gearing to become a very, very good comedy. I simply can't wait to see it, and I'm wondering why it even fell off my radar.

Movies Opening This Week (Week 15)

We got two kinds of romance going on: spies and man love.

Duplicity

Starring huge names like Clive Owen and Julia Roberts (and directed by Michael Clayton scribe and director Tony Gilroy), Duplicity pairs the two A-listers as former agents engaged in an illicit love affair. This love affair is made more convenient by their positions in two rival companies, but since they have to do their lucrative jobs, they have to also engage in a high-stakes espionage game that might break their trust in one another. Sound familiar? Well, it kinda reminds of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

I Love You Man

Now here is an example of what seems to be a very amusing err..., not exactly a rom-com, but sort of?

Well, anyway, I Love You Man stars Paul Rudd as a man named Peter who just got engaged to his girlfriend. Thing is, he doesn't really have a guy best friend- just girls- and now, to get a best man for the wedding, he goes in a search to find the ideal guy friend for the post. You know what, I smell predictability (and does the trailer show a bit too much?), but I don't care because the trailer made me LOL...

Movie you should not watch (but everyone still will anyway):

Knowing

The big draw in the film is Nicholas Cage, well, him and the apocalyptic premise anyway. The film is about Cage's son discovering a paper that's full of numbers. Cage figures out that these numbers are actually dates of disasters and the number of deaths in each of them. Thing is, they're all correct, and now Cage will try to avert them and manipulate God's hand.

Why shouldn't you watch it? Because nearly every single movie that involves Nicholas Cage (except Grindhouse, but then again he only plays a part in a fake trailer) is either mediocre or just dumb. Now this ludicrous movie comes along and his hair still looks real bad.

Meet the Spartans review

NOTE: If ever Sir Datuon chooses to go on with the "movie critiquing", I'm all set. :)

Meet the Spartans

"Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, and drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever."

This very much fits my feelings to a T.

Much progress has been made in the moviemaking process, but it still depends on the kind of vision the director has. Of course, not all directors are perfect, but if they screw up, they find their footing for the most part, and end up with a classic. Christopher Nolan comes to mind. However, this movie is living proof that there are still directors who don’t learn from constructive criticism, and it’s also living proof that there are also purely stupid people. I mean, if you see a stupid movie making a killing in the box office, you just know that the audience the filmmakers have hit are the embodiment of the undying stupidity of humankind- and seriously, this film definitely made an epic killing- thus, the filmmakers will have to milk out the financial potential before someone else does, by way of regarding their audience as stupid. So in a way, the filmmakers here are actually pretty smart, because as long as people watch their work, they can proceed making their half-baked radioactive waste that has the ability to be immune to the innumerable nuclear bombs of critiques because of the filmmakers’ lead-lined refrigerator of money. Just look at the newer Disaster Movie!

But let’s justify my hatred for Meet the Spartans because declaring something without basis would be conjecture. If I were in court, I would have been charged of contempt by now because I’m sort of stalling, so now, let me dissect this movie- then rip it to shreds.

The first thing you’ll notice about this movie is that it actually looks kind of promising at first. The first few minutes are actually kind of funny, so I thought, “Hmm..., why not give it a chance?”, and so I became a bit more attentive. However, my attention waned as the promise vanished in a quarter of a millisecond- more specifically when they showed their version of Leonidas trying to protect himself from an extremely cheap model of Mumble from Happy Feet- and from that point on, the jokes became extremely lame: they were extremely offensive, stupid, corny, brash and just irrelevant. Yes, the movie has its funny moments, but they are as rare and as hard to find as Nintendo Wii’s in America. And when you do find them, they elude you, and the movie reverts to its original, disgusting format.

Every movie, TV show, pop culture icon and controversial celebrity they try to spoof pile up like UNO Stacko blocks, and in the end, the colorful tower crumbles. I can’t even start with all the “Yo momma!” jokes being blurted out here! If you’re going to put “Yo momma!” jokes, at least make them funny like in White Chicks!

There is no focus. I mean, yes, the main spoof here is the movie 300, but the gags appear unfocused as they shift from spoofing American Idol, Stomp the Yard to Britney’s flashing antics. Some of the references don’t even make sense! They just appear and, like... disappear. So is it like, if you spot it, you’ll laugh? Oh, wow! I never knew you had to laugh!

Almost every single frame will make you want to squirm in disgust, and the low production values highlight this further. Heck, maybe the only bright spot in Meet the Spartans is the casting: the Gerard Butler substitute is excellent, and the Simon Cowell guy, while he looks nothing like the guy, characterizes some nice lines. Perhaps only Carmen Electra is the bad thing about all the casting, but maybe she’s just in it for the money as well?

I don’t even have to repeat this: Meet the Spartans is (and I am saying this with bountiful restraint) awful, and it’s simply something you should avoid like the plague. Had Uwe Boll not chosen to make movies, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg would be the worst directors of this time, instead of being second to that German. Seriously, don’t watch. Heed this before I start swearing, heed this and make use of your life... “Live your day as if it is your last!!!”

REVIEWS: Woo-Hoo! Emo punk and obese dad!

The Simpsons Game (DS)
In a nutshell: The Simpsons Game offers a huge chunk of genuinely funny jokes which makes you overlook the fact that it doesn't have the most amazing gameplay.

Different Storylines
Every family member has a different motive, but they get to achieve them when Bart reads a game manual that falls from the sky. You get to control the whole Simpsons family sans Maggie and Abe and do all sorts of things. From the absurdity of shooting targets to save Lenny to the reality of Marge getting a violent carjacking game off Springfield, there's always something happening in Springfield!

Different Abilities
The members of the family have various, cool abilities: Homer can bloat into a morbidly obese ball of fat and dash into his enemies, Marge, well, she can form a riot and make other people do her bidding and destroy stuff, Bart can become Bartman and use his cape to glide through far distances and use his slingshot to shoot from a distance, and Lisa can use telekineses (and the power of the Buddha) to move different stuff in different checkpoints.You can use the "Buddha Hand" to pick up impeding objects.




Gameplay
The gameplay is very simple and borders on, or puts more emphasis on, jumping platforms and pushing levers. Of course, there are a few of those enemies that you can beat up, but it's mainly composed of aforementioned actions.

Levels usually alternate between two family members, and one action can help the other. It's a pretty good implementation of the concept personally, but not enough to be revolutionary (I mean, come on, how many games have already done that before?!).

The lives system is... wait, it's non-existent! So basically, no game over screens, and you have unlimited lives.

Irony
The irony around the very, very, very by-the-book platformer involves the Comic Book Guy's unlockable Gaming Cliches which means that the game itself already knows that its gameplay is pretty much one big cliche. Like when you fall from a chasm, he says, "Expect a lawsuit from Wile E. Coyote.". Yes, all of them are very funny, but the bad thing about this is that it makes it seem that the developers were focusing more on the humor than the gameplay- which is very, very important.

Humor
What would a Simpsons game be without the humor?

What makes the game very lovable is its humor. If you want an example...

These spoofs are scattered all over the whole game. So you'll be able to see Will Wright with his money and his army of Sims or some weird elves with a resemblance to Mario. It's all just a great experience when you play just because of its first-class humor, and also because of this, you will forget the shortcomings it regarding gameplay.

It's so funny, you'll want more. Unfortunately, it's just...

Short
If you don't count the collectible secret stuff, you can probably finish all 20 or so levels in a maximum of 4 hours. And because it's very short, that feeling of satisfaction just doesn't get to you because you'll want a lot more of the humor and you won't get enough of it. Basically, it's like LSD, but the experience gets cut short by the reality of it finishing so quick.

Graphical Presentation
I love the whole feel of the game because it's very colorful.

It replicates the feel of the series and during the lengthy full-motion videos that occur before or after every level, the feel is still there, only better because they're so high-quality yet many.

Voice Actors
The original voice actors give the game almost 100% of its comic flair because, obviously, they provide voices for the game. You'll be surprised at how much excellent voice and sound effects the game has, because the amount of vocal content surpasses even Nintendo games!

My favorite part
One of my favorite parts of the game is Pet Homer which is accessible in the Simpsons House in the Springfield map. Actually, it's a bit of an indirect (?) spoof to Nintendogs. You touch Homer's torso, he giggles and a plus sign appears overhead. You let him eat chocolate, pizza, etc. etc. etc. and he could choke or have a heart attack. The heart attack is particularly funny because you can use a defibrillator for that. You know what, it's boring in text, but very fun in the game.

A theory
Maybe it's because of the wealth of content (videos, voice and sound FX) that deprived the developers of making more game levels. The aforementioned content, however, is still very much appreciated, and at least the levels themselves don't suffer in terms of quality, but still...

Overall
The Simpsons Game is very much playable, but not extraordinarily so, and the humor makes up for the lackluster gameplay. If you are a Simpsons fan, then this game is perfect for you because of its high quality video and audio content and Simpsons quality humor, which is obviously top-notch. You'll be left wanting more, though.

Rating: 8.0/10

The World Ends With You (DS)
In a nutshell: Presenting a unique and compelling story, innovative combat mechanics and great presentation, Tetsuya Nomura's new RPG sets the bar high for future DS RPGs and totally excellent from start to finish.

More than routine
When you open the game and make a new save file, you'll see that there are people walking around the street ignoring the game's obviously moody protagonist. This anime-styled, spiky haired moody protagonist thing is very much routine for a Square Enix RPG (or maybe any RPG nowadays) and if you jam in fighting, a fantasy story, the optional Disney cameo, customization and a weird fairyland, there you have it: a Square Enix RPG!

But the game is a lot more than that. To make things different, it gets set in Shibuya- Japan's shopping capital- where people use cellphones, eat fastfood and gossip about a certain "Prince"'s blog, and it utilizes both screens of the DS to fight and you use the stylus and the D-pad to control both characters. A lot more aspects are more than routine in this game, and I'll discuss it and break them down later. But for now, we cover...

Graphics
The 2D presentation is wonderful. OK, maybe if while you're walking, the character sprites get blurry when they're near you but that's the presence of the feel of proximity. Other than that, the drawn characters are expressive and more importantly- goodly drawn. There are also a lot of great looking attack effects and video sequences presented throughout the game.

Sound
The game is scattered with many, many voice samples. For example, when you give a character food to eat, they could say, "It's edible.", and if you let them eat something else, they'll say something else.

And another thing is the soundtrack which I have mixed emotions for. Based from the location set, it's obvious that it's full of J-Pop. One thing's for certain, though, they'll get stuck in your head whether you like it or not! You can purchase these tracks for listening in your Phone Menu- yes, your phone serves as the menu for everything like Save, Items, etc..

Gameplay
Most of the actions in the game is touch-screen based like Zelda. However, one twist to this is in the fighting. When you make a combo with Neku (the spiky protagonist), a green light goes up to your partner because when you fight, you need a partner to survive, and when the green light goes to your partner, stylus input is obviously impossible, therefore you use the D-Pad, or if the player is left-handed, the A-B-X-Y buttons. And when you complete a combination with your partner, the attack is doubled and the green light will be passed back to the bottom screen. Initially, the system is daunting, but once you get used to it, the alternating combat system between two screens ain't so bad after all. And if it gets too out of hand, you can tell the game through its Phone Menu to get A.I. to control your partner. However, for me, the A.I. just doesn't cut it because it usually depletes most of the HP which both share.

Customization
Customization has become routine to RPG's. But here, it has a twist. OK, so you look at the effects of an accessory or stats increase at first, but when you go back to the Phone Menu, you will see a top three chart that says what brand is hot in a certain area and what's not. If you equip an accessory or clothing that has a brand that is on the top of the charts, you'll be able to have an additional 120% increase in Attack, otherwise when you equip the brand of fashion that's lowest in rank, your attack decreases by 120% and so on...

The teenage lifestyle
It definitely emulates the stereotypical superficial teenage lifestyle you'll typically find almost note by note, and people can probably relate to some happenings in the game. Plus, this story is not only a unique story of a certain "game" that puts out daily missions to its "Players" who are in turn inspected by the "Reapers", it's also a story of change and maturity and loss among other themes, and most of its moments are actually, genuinely, if not surprisingly, affecting!

Overall
Despite the Final Fantasy's and the Kingdom Hearts blockbuster franchises, Square Enix isn't afraid to bring something new in their established history of RPG franchises. If The World Ends With You doesn't get a magnificent sequel, well I'll be darned!

REVIEW: Boy band satire with a Christian twist

Altar Boyz
Showing: April 4-27, 2008 8:00 PM on Fridays & Saturday; 3:30 PM on Saturdays & Sundays at OnStage Greenbelt 1

Ever heard of an openly Christian boy band united by divine intervention? Well, this is the case for the five members Matthew, Mark, Luke, Abraham and Juan. (And yes, Abraham's Jewish.)

So what now? Well, Manila is the last stop of their "Raise the Praise" world tour and they bring all their "world-renowned" antics and songs with them. Their aim throughout the 75 minute concert is to unburden the souls of the audience through a counter, yes, a counter made by Sony (The so-called Soul Sensor DX-12). And as the numbers drop, their acts and performances increase.

And is it enjoyable? Well, it's pretty decent, but many of its jokes are dry and its "hip" resident, Luke, is trying too hard to be cool.

However, when viewed another way, Altar Boyz' satire of today's boy bands are spot-on, complete with a "sensitive" member, a supposedly heartthrob-ish frontman, and all the moves.

What's uncommon about it is the inclusion of a Latino member (Juan). Still, this member is portrayed stereotypically, and the writer knows it ("My [adoptive] mother taught me how to speak English with a Spanish accent."). However, it's still a minor gripe.

A bit of the comedy also lies in the songs. And when I say the songs, I mean the lyrics. For example, in the near end of a certain song about premarital sex prevention, leader Matthew gives it a suspenseful pause (I think it goes something like: "We'll have to wait 'till our wedding day, but until then I'm just gonna have to mastur... my faith."). And to cite another example, the "sensitive" Mark gives a speech about being discriminated because of the fact that he's "different", and that he has to go out to the world and say "I am a........ Catholic" which also brings me to the character himself. Mark is visibly smitten with Matthew, you can tell. He goes near him, he goes face to face with him, and snatches Matthew's towel from an audience member! He is probably the funniest thing in the play, but he's also the most annoying singer of the bunch (though I'm not saying he sounds bad). For the rest, though, the comedy is just too over-the-top to be funny, or just plain corny.

Plus, there's also this scene in the near end about disbanding. So it's a bit of a treat to witness a band breaking up on stage. Other highlights include, "The Confession Box" and... a beatboxing Jew?

The denouement is as corny as denouements can get, but overall, it's good to say that the play is tolerable and at times genuinely funny. The announcer (who announces how many minutes there are before the show starts) has changed to a corny one as well ("The Altar Boyz will be getting jiggy with it in -insert number- minutes.") but whatever, it's viewable.

Rating: 7/10