Windows is annoying- with pictures!

DISCLAIMER: This is not gonna be a Vista bashing post since I've since downgraded from XP and will only be able to collect screenshots from that OS, nor is it a Mac patronizing post. Even if I didn't have a Mac right now, I'd still be bound to do something like this anyway. Without further ado, here are some annoying screenshots that you'll agree on with me.

1) Automatic Updates

Look familiar? Yeah it's that thing that pops up when the Windows has finished downloading your updates. Gee, if only we could say "Not Now" like in Mac.

You're probably saying, there's the Restart Later button! What are you complaining about? Well, let's just say that this dialog box is like a roach. You kill it, but it doesn't stay dead at all. In fact, no matter how many times you kill it, it'll simply come back to pester you. That's how this dialog box works. It's stupid. If I want to "Restart Later", I'll do my own damn business and Restart- not imply that you should come back to me every 5 minutes!

I'm on Windows XP SP3, and yet Microsoft still doesn't want to make this go away or put a "Not Now" button.

The only cure? Disable automatic updates from the Control Panel. But why bother when updating your software is only crucial? You may not admit it, but you know you're gonna be lazy if someone advised you to update your computer.

2) Printer Job DeletionI don't know if it varies from printer to printer, but from my experiences with different printers, deleting a print job is simply hard unless the printer is actually turned off. Look at that print job above. It says deleting, but in reality it's not deleting, it just stays there.

So OK, the typical scenario. I print a job, but I forgot to turn the printer on. I turn it on, and it doesn't print. What do I do next? I delete the job and try again.

I highlight my job, and press the Delete button. This dialog box appears (pictured below), and I click Yes. What happens? The aforementioned scenario in the first paragraph.
So what do I do? I have to save my work, memorize the pages open in my browser, say "brb" to my Yahoo! Messenger friends, and Restart the computer. After restarting, then it prints.

The thing that can prevent this headache is to simply delete the job before turning on the printer. But whoops, too late, you have to learn lessons the hard way, kid.

3) Internet Explorer 7- in generalConsider the above picture a stolen shot.

So here's the thing: every time I open Internet Explorer 7, I find it bailing out on me when it has barely operated for 5 seconds. The best thing about it is that it opens, probably as fast, as Chrome, the only thing is that the latter actually works for more than 5 seconds!

Am I the only one who's experiencing this? It's not that big of a loss to me since I use either Firefox or Chrome, but it's still annoying!

4) Sheer stupidity
Take a good look at the picture. Notice anything different?

If you don't then I'll play the role of Captain Obvious: it doesn't look like a Firefox document, moron!

If you had the decency to declare a web page a Firefox document, at least make the effort to make it obvious to the n00bs out there. What? Does XP become nauseous when 2 browsers are present in a computer? Doesn't it accept that I have ignored Internet Explorer 7 forever and that I've set my default browser to Firefox, so it shoves the Internet Explorer icon to my face?

Whatever the case, you have to admit that this reeks of idiocy. Can't XP make up its mind?

Let's hope every one of these are gone not only in Vista, but in Windows 7.

REVIEWS: Benjamin Button, and some Cholera

By sheer coincidence, I've watched two movies throughout the weekend that seemed to have several things in common. They're both adaptations, they both use flashbacks to tell the narrative, they both look really good aesthetically, they both involve some sense of time and space, but most of all, they both have the same theme of ethereal love.

Just like Romeo and Juliet before them, these two movies tackle the kind of love that can last forever, but do they fare very well? I mean, despite all these similarities, these 2 can also be considered polar opposites. Why? Find out below.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Warner Bros. Pictures, Paramount Pictures

Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton

It's ironic to see a commercial for Pond's Age Miracle cream right before a movie with a premise like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button starts to roll.

If you haven't heard, let me tell you about the star-studded shenanigans of Brad Pitt and company in this movie directed by acclaimed 'Fight Club' (which also stars Pitt) director David Fincher and written (or adapted, since this was originally a short story) by no less than Eric Roth and his box of chocolates (figure that out for yourself).

The film starts out after World War I. Everyone's rejoicing and really, 'it was a great time to be born', and as luck would have it our protaganist is born, albeit in 'unusual circumstances'.

By chance the baby was not really much of a baby- more of an octogenarian on his way to the grave- so naturally he looked like hell, thus causing panic in his father, forcing him to run and leave him right on the doorstep of a black landlady- not that race has anything to do with the movie- and she decides that since he's still a creation of God, she would raise him.

Along the way he meets Daisy, and they fall in love. When their ages meet, they marry, and... any further would spoil the whole movie.

So where do I begin... We went in and the theater was packed to the sides but luckily there was little noise. My assessment? The audience got sucked into the movie. Heck I got sucked in. Brad Pitt comes off as surprisingly endearing that it's hard not to get into the movie. Same would go for Cate Blanchett who's always a charm to see on screen (and rather phenomenal), with special mention going to Tilda Swinton who plays it simple in her brief role.

The other real catalyst of the movie's inmersiveness is pretty much the curiosity one would have due to its intriguing premise. Its marketing apparently banks on it too with the trailer making you extremely intrigued and the posters made oh-so simple yet somewhat mysterious using an inverted version of the title.

To pull off a movie like this, meticulous direction and technical brillance is needed. And boy, there is a lot of attention to detail and a great use of prosthetics and special effects that adds a lot to the experience. Aesthetically, it's awesome and you should seriously make an effort to see the movie on a theater or at least on Blu-ray with an HD projector and 7.1 surround sound. It's that nice. Every single technical aspect is nailed, the scenarios look extremely nice, and the make-up is startlingly convincing. Additionally, Fincher manages to get aforementioned wondrous performances from its star-studded cast while making an effort to also make it feel human.

Honestly, he is pretty successful in that regard. You'll feel Benjamin's hesitation and childlike curiousity in his dealings with the concepts of life and death as he grows younger, and then there's Daisy who you'll root for in the latter part of the movie.

There's a condition if you're already itching to watch this, and it concerns time. The movie is epic, clocking in at 2 hours 30 minutes, so make sure you have the time. Ironically, the movie is based from a short story, and even more ironic is that some events in Benjamin's life feel as if it merely drifted through, while other unnecessary ones somehow drag. This is probably the movie's only fault, but once you're sucked into the movie, you'll never get out.

The way the narrative unfolds is notably unique compared to movies of late. People say it's reminiscent to that of Forrest Gump's, but I'll let that issue hang until I get to actually watch that one. Personally, it reminds me more of Titanic's way of telling the story so basically, it's a flashback that also alternates with the current time. The difference here is that the segments that depict the present time are also entertaining, simply because it makes the story a lot more three-dimensional instead of serving as filler (like in Phantom of the Opera). You'll know what I'm saying if you've watched it.

Despite all the heavy drama, there's also abundant humor. I mean, who knew that an anecdote about thunderstrikes could make such a nice running gag?

Plus, there's some interpretation to be had with the movie as there are some symbolic moments in there- the clock, the sunset, the characters, any of those could have a deeper meaning lying within, and it could probably take a second viewing.

Personally, I think you should watch this and in a theater. It somehow works like a fairy tale but it's also grounded in reality- Yeah, that's about accurate for me- and it's just amazing. Not perfect, but still really good.

Rating: 9.2/10

Love In The Time of Cholera

Javier Bardem, Benjamin Bratt

Some filmmakers become liberal with an adapted story, some filmmakers get away with an entirely new version of a story using only its basic premise, and some filmmakers simply misinterpret the source material a movie is based from.

Even though I only used the critique of someone else to make the above introduction, the movie I'm going to review still pretty much sucks in several levels, and that movie is Love In The Time of Cholera.

It basically chronicles the escapades of its 2 central characters named... Uhhh... I forgot. Damn it, I think the guy was called Fernando (Javier Bardem) and the girl... uhhh... Ms. Little Mood Swing. Anyway, those two initially were to be married but her father refused and later she marries a doctor played by Benjamin Bratt. Fernando, becomes heartbroken and waits several decades to get back with Ms. Mood Swing.

Sigh, this is a movie I want to hate with a passion. Bad acting, ridiculous script, and bad casting gift-wrapped nicely with a great aesthetic and cinematography is simply the formula for this literal- if you excuse the term and language as there is no better nor fitting alternative for it- f**kfest. Seriously, Javier Bardem's character Fernando is too unbelievably sexy for women and it just seems as if half the movie is composed of sex scenes. In short, he's a man-whore.

And as if that wasn't unbelievable enough, Javier's character is just creepy. He stalks Ms. Mood Swing all the time, he thinks about her all the time, he counts the number of women he has slept with just to know how much he can resist temptation (and the number isn't pretty, and his whore-ness seems hereditary too), and... damn it, it's JAVIER BARDEM. Anton Chigurh in No Country for Old Men. He looks more like a villain and could switch places with Ms. Mood Swing's father anytime because the guy (the guy who plays Ms. Mood Swing's father) looks as old as his damn daughter!

Ms. Mood Swing is also not without stupid quirks. For one thing, she first denies Fernando's hand in marriage years after their vow and engagement, and after her husband dies, she first denies Fernando, and suddenly we're shown her uncensored torso in bed with Fernando. AHHHHH MY EYES!

To be honest, when you put some things in consideration, the movie's not THAT bad. It has some moments, and the ending is just iconic and jaw-droppingly beautiful. You'll feel sort of sorry for a few characters, too.

But ultimately, it's a severe case of style over substance. Plus, it's obviously forgettable. If you're the type who watches a film adaptation of a novel before reading it, just don't watch this. Otherwise, err... give it a rent. Perhaps the visuals will sweep you away and you'll enjoy this crap. Regardless, it'll give you a terrible impression of legendary Gael Garcia Marquez's bestseller of the same title.

Rating: 3.5/10

P.S., if there are typos or grammatical errors, I'm sorry because I just typed these on the way home on my iPod touch.

Meet the Spartans review

NOTE: If ever Sir Datuon chooses to go on with the "movie critiquing", I'm all set. :)

Meet the Spartans

"Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, and drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever."

This very much fits my feelings to a T.

Much progress has been made in the moviemaking process, but it still depends on the kind of vision the director has. Of course, not all directors are perfect, but if they screw up, they find their footing for the most part, and end up with a classic. Christopher Nolan comes to mind. However, this movie is living proof that there are still directors who don’t learn from constructive criticism, and it’s also living proof that there are also purely stupid people. I mean, if you see a stupid movie making a killing in the box office, you just know that the audience the filmmakers have hit are the embodiment of the undying stupidity of humankind- and seriously, this film definitely made an epic killing- thus, the filmmakers will have to milk out the financial potential before someone else does, by way of regarding their audience as stupid. So in a way, the filmmakers here are actually pretty smart, because as long as people watch their work, they can proceed making their half-baked radioactive waste that has the ability to be immune to the innumerable nuclear bombs of critiques because of the filmmakers’ lead-lined refrigerator of money. Just look at the newer Disaster Movie!

But let’s justify my hatred for Meet the Spartans because declaring something without basis would be conjecture. If I were in court, I would have been charged of contempt by now because I’m sort of stalling, so now, let me dissect this movie- then rip it to shreds.

The first thing you’ll notice about this movie is that it actually looks kind of promising at first. The first few minutes are actually kind of funny, so I thought, “Hmm..., why not give it a chance?”, and so I became a bit more attentive. However, my attention waned as the promise vanished in a quarter of a millisecond- more specifically when they showed their version of Leonidas trying to protect himself from an extremely cheap model of Mumble from Happy Feet- and from that point on, the jokes became extremely lame: they were extremely offensive, stupid, corny, brash and just irrelevant. Yes, the movie has its funny moments, but they are as rare and as hard to find as Nintendo Wii’s in America. And when you do find them, they elude you, and the movie reverts to its original, disgusting format.

Every movie, TV show, pop culture icon and controversial celebrity they try to spoof pile up like UNO Stacko blocks, and in the end, the colorful tower crumbles. I can’t even start with all the “Yo momma!” jokes being blurted out here! If you’re going to put “Yo momma!” jokes, at least make them funny like in White Chicks!

There is no focus. I mean, yes, the main spoof here is the movie 300, but the gags appear unfocused as they shift from spoofing American Idol, Stomp the Yard to Britney’s flashing antics. Some of the references don’t even make sense! They just appear and, like... disappear. So is it like, if you spot it, you’ll laugh? Oh, wow! I never knew you had to laugh!

Almost every single frame will make you want to squirm in disgust, and the low production values highlight this further. Heck, maybe the only bright spot in Meet the Spartans is the casting: the Gerard Butler substitute is excellent, and the Simon Cowell guy, while he looks nothing like the guy, characterizes some nice lines. Perhaps only Carmen Electra is the bad thing about all the casting, but maybe she’s just in it for the money as well?

I don’t even have to repeat this: Meet the Spartans is (and I am saying this with bountiful restraint) awful, and it’s simply something you should avoid like the plague. Had Uwe Boll not chosen to make movies, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg would be the worst directors of this time, instead of being second to that German. Seriously, don’t watch. Heed this before I start swearing, heed this and make use of your life... “Live your day as if it is your last!!!”

2 French films and a third blow at the O' Connells

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

I meant to review this after we returned from America, and that's because I watched this from a plane along with the cut version of the funny musical biopic spoof Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. And to be honest, this film is a rather effective little illustration of a French Elle editor's bout with "locked-in syndrome"- a rare kind of disability in the aftermath of a stroke. This means that Jean Dominique-Bauby, the Elle editor, can't move any part of his body and has no ability to talk... except his left eye, that is. Thus, he develops a way of communication with just his left eye. A person can ask him yes or no questions, and if he blinks once it means yes, twice means no. Heck, this even led to a real book!

Now, I may have forgotten the name of the biopic's subject (I had to go to RT to check what it was), but I have not forgotten his story! To make it short, it's affecting, it's funny, it's uniquely presented yet... human.

You just can't ignore the fact that he can only see with one eye (they actually sewed his other eye permanently shut) and that such a sickness actually exists! This film provoked my thoughts about life-- and I swore I held back some tears by the time the credits rolled.

To be honest, my seat's entertainment system's audio (along with my parents') was defective so fortunately, there were subtitles. And so I wonder: How much more of a magnificent movie would this be if there was sound?

I can't say any more about this movie... It is hands-down something people should watch. It's compelling, it's deep, and frankly, I need to view it again because it's surprisingly, artfully poetic that I almost didn't understand the deeper meaning behind all the proceedings.

Watch this, now.
Rating: 10/10

Persepolis

Marjane Satrapi may not be French, but to experience this movie is to watch it in that language with English subtitles- basically at its purest, original form. But whatever language you're watching this, it will be sure to make you laugh and be awed at the kind of culture Iran had back in the day.

So this autobiographical movie starts out with Marjane's childhood. Everyone is rallying against the shah, including her rebellious parents, and most of her relatives are being detained and executed. This movie lets you find out how her life was during those hard times, and it eventually leads you to the various stages of her life until womanhood.

I won't spill any more than that, but what I have to say about this gloriously black-and-white animated film is that it certainly is not for the kiddies. Now, the fatalities of war are portrayed here subtly and artistically, but there is foul language used here and there in the otherwise well-written and naturally flowing dialogue. And despite it being black-and-white, there are scenes where a color palette is actually used, and the transition between them is astonishingly seamless.

Anyway, the movie is full of emotional depth, and the portrayal of growing up in this coming-of-age film is uniquely presented- it's unlike any other movie I've seen. It also details the impact of various trends to the conservative Iranian society and the flow just seems really natural and obviously personal. Marjane is practically opening all doors of her heart and not leaving one detail behind.

The pace is rather brisk, and it proves its point without over-dramatizing. Basically, it cuts to the chase.

But the film is not all seriousness for it has its funny moments. Heck, it has a spoof of Rocky! And the scene of her becoming a teen is utterly laugh-out-loud hilarious in its depiction!

And actually, this movie is relevant to our times. Okay, the Bee Gees may be obsolete, but we can replace that with our current trends, and the Revolution? You could put People Power. As for the Iraq-Iran war? You can put the MILF rebellion that's happening in Mindanao over that. People will be able to feel this movie- especially the ones who are embroiled in this war. They will be able to feel with Marjane's story, and that's because even if it's "merely animation", it contains a deeper meaning than many other movies currently being shown in the theaters. But of course, Persepolis isn't being shown in the theater anymore, so it's probably not right to compare this one to the movies currently showing.

But the way it ended surprised me. It just felt abrupt. You feel curious about Marjane's adventures as a grown woman, but of course, this is a coming-of-age story, so I guess it shouldn't be surprising at all.

Regardless of that, you should try and find a copy of this gem of an autobiography. It's unique, it's charming and it's deep but rather unsatisfying. Maybe it should've won the Oscar instead of Ratatouille!

Rating: 9.8/10

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Oh God, "here we go again" indeed.

Once again, we go to the lives of the O' Connell family, but this time, Alex has grown up (AS IN) but it's like Rick and Evie didn't age. Of course, Evie has become a bit less beautiful because it's not Rachel Weisz reprising the role anymore, but Mario Bello. But except Evie, the gang's all here.

But of course, there are new characters. I mean, how could they even revive Imhotep right? Well, Alex skips school and goes to China to try to find the Dragon Emperor who was cursed by a witch (Michelle Yeoh). His army was cursed with him, and now, of course, he has resurrected from the dead because of a Chinese general who thinks the ideals of freedom are not ideal for the world.

Jet Li's character's mission is now to go to the immortality water thingy that Michelle Yeoh's character is protecting, and release himself from his crummy CGI exoskeleton and revive his army.

Of course, the O' Connells are the reason of his living, and now they're trying to stop him. As usual.

Basically, the movie is just going through the paces. The proceedings have become predictable, the humor even more stale. The special effects? Ha! Don't start with me about the special effects! Now, judging for the poster, you'd think at least that the effects of this installment is for 2008, but in the movie? Not really. There are some tolerable, still believable effects, but the others aren't. The army in the war scene? Total unbelievability. Jet Li's eventual defeat? Laughable. These effects would've been more believable 5 years ago, but nope, they're iffy in today's standards, to say the least.

Anyway, the two parents are hypocrites. In Returns, they said they love Alex, but here, it's like they ignored him anyway. Alex is a downright ass, and I hate him. And his love story? Bah. There's no emotion in it whatsoever, and the relationship, even though I'm not saying that cross-racial relationships are bad, is really awkward. And come on! The logic! Movie language usually states that if you are stripped of your immortality, your age will catch up with you. Here, it's different. But hey, I could always make this point a point that's going for the movie: it doesn't follow movie convention in only this aspect! </sarcasm>

It's actually a good thing that Rachel Weisz backed out of this project, otherwise she'd succumb to my wrath. Still, if she were in this installment and she reprised her role as Evie O' Connell, maybe the movie would actually get its human emotion. Weisz is a good actress, so if she wants to make us believe that her character is truly, madly, still in love with Rick after all those years, she could. The movie could've been better with her, but she was better off without it in her resume.

The twists are rudimentary and yawn-inducing, and Jet Li is sorely underutilized. What do you see of Jet Li in this movie? A CGI statue of him, that's what. If you wanted me to count his screen time in the flesh, it would probably be as brief as Chow Yun Fat's appearance as a Singaporean pirate in Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End. They could've used his wushu prowess! But noooo, nothing to exploit his skill.

"I hate mummies!," Rick says. Yeah, me too. But the mummies I hate are the movies. They all suck, but not Batman and Robin sucky. But still, this movie is at the top of the barrel of suck.

Rating: 3.3/10

I'd like to PALY this.

XD.

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