Movies Opening This Week (Week 13)

When I'm stumped while doing these posts, I'll just write the movies you will not want to watch. Ever.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Ever remember the 90's? Yeah, that was when the first live-action Street Fighter came out and it starred Jean Claude Van Damme and the late, legendary Raul Julia (his last project, unfortunately). I'm not sure as to whether this errr, "movie" is connected with that other piece of crap but there is one thing I am sure about: it's gonna suck.

I don't even know why Capcom approved of this. Is it because Street Fighter IV's anime cutscene of Chun-Li related to this? As excited as I am to get the game (and find a way to get it) I don't even wanna know.

Trailer can be found below. Hell, even Dragonball Evolution's was more exciting than this.

Stuff I Missed in my iPhone 3G Review

I forgot to mention the iPhone 3G's Bluetooth features, which are extremely limited. How, you say? Well, typically you are able to transfer files from cellphone to cellphone via Bluetooth. Here? Definitely not. The only use for Bluetooth is for the hands-free Bluetooth headsets. Yes, it can still pair with another phone/computer with Bluetooth, but what can you do while a mobile phone or computer is paired? Nothing except being able to unpair. It can't at least be the receiving end of the file you want to send, so, yes, if I want to send my dad's iPhone some kind of music file, it's a lost cause.

However, I've updated the firmware of my dad's iPhone 3G (to the latest 2.1), and you know what? Many performance and call quirks we experienced are virtually non-existent now. Back-up times in iTunes are dramatically speedier, and so is application installation. Now we don't have to wait 20 minutes for back-up to finish!

Plus, the iPhone is responsive after hanging up from a call. The screen is actually supposed to detect your face so it will black out when calling. You know, avoid accidental button pushing via your cheeks, and it now works excellently. When your face gets out of the screen after calling (or when you want to hang up), everything will appear as it should. It's actually a nice touch now that I know why the screen wouldn't show up unless it wanted to before updating.

Speaking of calling, the signal we get around here has significantly improved. Back then, 3G was next to impossible to get. Now, reception is very strong.

Apps are generally more stable, and so is Safari. The screen, while already snappy and responsive, is impossibly even more zippy! 2.1 is the update to get, even though yes, there's still no video recording, no copy and paste, no MMS and no SMS forwarding, but if you already love your iPhone 3G or iPod touch even before this update, you'll love it even more after updating.

Now if only it wasn't such a beast. (230+ MB download?!)

My rating for the iPhone 3G still won't change, so I stand by my 7.5 rating. I actually wanted to decrease the score by 0.5 because of the limited Bluetooth functionality, but the update straightened other things out, so you can say that they, like protons and neutrons, cancel each other.

2 French films and a third blow at the O' Connells

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

I meant to review this after we returned from America, and that's because I watched this from a plane along with the cut version of the funny musical biopic spoof Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. And to be honest, this film is a rather effective little illustration of a French Elle editor's bout with "locked-in syndrome"- a rare kind of disability in the aftermath of a stroke. This means that Jean Dominique-Bauby, the Elle editor, can't move any part of his body and has no ability to talk... except his left eye, that is. Thus, he develops a way of communication with just his left eye. A person can ask him yes or no questions, and if he blinks once it means yes, twice means no. Heck, this even led to a real book!

Now, I may have forgotten the name of the biopic's subject (I had to go to RT to check what it was), but I have not forgotten his story! To make it short, it's affecting, it's funny, it's uniquely presented yet... human.

You just can't ignore the fact that he can only see with one eye (they actually sewed his other eye permanently shut) and that such a sickness actually exists! This film provoked my thoughts about life-- and I swore I held back some tears by the time the credits rolled.

To be honest, my seat's entertainment system's audio (along with my parents') was defective so fortunately, there were subtitles. And so I wonder: How much more of a magnificent movie would this be if there was sound?

I can't say any more about this movie... It is hands-down something people should watch. It's compelling, it's deep, and frankly, I need to view it again because it's surprisingly, artfully poetic that I almost didn't understand the deeper meaning behind all the proceedings.

Watch this, now.
Rating: 10/10

Persepolis

Marjane Satrapi may not be French, but to experience this movie is to watch it in that language with English subtitles- basically at its purest, original form. But whatever language you're watching this, it will be sure to make you laugh and be awed at the kind of culture Iran had back in the day.

So this autobiographical movie starts out with Marjane's childhood. Everyone is rallying against the shah, including her rebellious parents, and most of her relatives are being detained and executed. This movie lets you find out how her life was during those hard times, and it eventually leads you to the various stages of her life until womanhood.

I won't spill any more than that, but what I have to say about this gloriously black-and-white animated film is that it certainly is not for the kiddies. Now, the fatalities of war are portrayed here subtly and artistically, but there is foul language used here and there in the otherwise well-written and naturally flowing dialogue. And despite it being black-and-white, there are scenes where a color palette is actually used, and the transition between them is astonishingly seamless.

Anyway, the movie is full of emotional depth, and the portrayal of growing up in this coming-of-age film is uniquely presented- it's unlike any other movie I've seen. It also details the impact of various trends to the conservative Iranian society and the flow just seems really natural and obviously personal. Marjane is practically opening all doors of her heart and not leaving one detail behind.

The pace is rather brisk, and it proves its point without over-dramatizing. Basically, it cuts to the chase.

But the film is not all seriousness for it has its funny moments. Heck, it has a spoof of Rocky! And the scene of her becoming a teen is utterly laugh-out-loud hilarious in its depiction!

And actually, this movie is relevant to our times. Okay, the Bee Gees may be obsolete, but we can replace that with our current trends, and the Revolution? You could put People Power. As for the Iraq-Iran war? You can put the MILF rebellion that's happening in Mindanao over that. People will be able to feel this movie- especially the ones who are embroiled in this war. They will be able to feel with Marjane's story, and that's because even if it's "merely animation", it contains a deeper meaning than many other movies currently being shown in the theaters. But of course, Persepolis isn't being shown in the theater anymore, so it's probably not right to compare this one to the movies currently showing.

But the way it ended surprised me. It just felt abrupt. You feel curious about Marjane's adventures as a grown woman, but of course, this is a coming-of-age story, so I guess it shouldn't be surprising at all.

Regardless of that, you should try and find a copy of this gem of an autobiography. It's unique, it's charming and it's deep but rather unsatisfying. Maybe it should've won the Oscar instead of Ratatouille!

Rating: 9.8/10

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Oh God, "here we go again" indeed.

Once again, we go to the lives of the O' Connell family, but this time, Alex has grown up (AS IN) but it's like Rick and Evie didn't age. Of course, Evie has become a bit less beautiful because it's not Rachel Weisz reprising the role anymore, but Mario Bello. But except Evie, the gang's all here.

But of course, there are new characters. I mean, how could they even revive Imhotep right? Well, Alex skips school and goes to China to try to find the Dragon Emperor who was cursed by a witch (Michelle Yeoh). His army was cursed with him, and now, of course, he has resurrected from the dead because of a Chinese general who thinks the ideals of freedom are not ideal for the world.

Jet Li's character's mission is now to go to the immortality water thingy that Michelle Yeoh's character is protecting, and release himself from his crummy CGI exoskeleton and revive his army.

Of course, the O' Connells are the reason of his living, and now they're trying to stop him. As usual.

Basically, the movie is just going through the paces. The proceedings have become predictable, the humor even more stale. The special effects? Ha! Don't start with me about the special effects! Now, judging for the poster, you'd think at least that the effects of this installment is for 2008, but in the movie? Not really. There are some tolerable, still believable effects, but the others aren't. The army in the war scene? Total unbelievability. Jet Li's eventual defeat? Laughable. These effects would've been more believable 5 years ago, but nope, they're iffy in today's standards, to say the least.

Anyway, the two parents are hypocrites. In Returns, they said they love Alex, but here, it's like they ignored him anyway. Alex is a downright ass, and I hate him. And his love story? Bah. There's no emotion in it whatsoever, and the relationship, even though I'm not saying that cross-racial relationships are bad, is really awkward. And come on! The logic! Movie language usually states that if you are stripped of your immortality, your age will catch up with you. Here, it's different. But hey, I could always make this point a point that's going for the movie: it doesn't follow movie convention in only this aspect! </sarcasm>

It's actually a good thing that Rachel Weisz backed out of this project, otherwise she'd succumb to my wrath. Still, if she were in this installment and she reprised her role as Evie O' Connell, maybe the movie would actually get its human emotion. Weisz is a good actress, so if she wants to make us believe that her character is truly, madly, still in love with Rick after all those years, she could. The movie could've been better with her, but she was better off without it in her resume.

The twists are rudimentary and yawn-inducing, and Jet Li is sorely underutilized. What do you see of Jet Li in this movie? A CGI statue of him, that's what. If you wanted me to count his screen time in the flesh, it would probably be as brief as Chow Yun Fat's appearance as a Singaporean pirate in Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End. They could've used his wushu prowess! But noooo, nothing to exploit his skill.

"I hate mummies!," Rick says. Yeah, me too. But the mummies I hate are the movies. They all suck, but not Batman and Robin sucky. But still, this movie is at the top of the barrel of suck.

Rating: 3.3/10

A Post Long Overdue (But Thought Up Just Now)

A few minutes before the bell a while ago, our uber-kind Chinese advisor suddenly blew up in an outburst of irritation, and that was because someone was cutting stuff while he was discussing our new set of problems. He made points I totally totally agree with, such as being able to learn Chinese for practical use, and to attend these classes for the sake of actually learning. It's also true that many people don't know the true value of the Chinese part of the school's curriculum and the fact that it would be such a waste, what with all this inflation going on, to fail the subject that makes up half our tuition.

I seriously, wholeheartedly agree with all his statements.

However.

Even if I was enthusiastic about learning Chinese (I mean, I don't really think it's "walang kwenta", just... a burden), I'd instantly lose all of that stuff were I to actually do it the Chiang Kai way.

I mean, take a look at the newest Chinese History (Zong He) memorization scam now!



Of course, the back part's included.

But OK, minor exaggeration since my teacher shortened it a bit, but regardless of that, it's still effing long. OK, I'm memorizing, am I learning anything? F**k no. It's like this question and answer portion was made up by Adolf Hitler, and wherever he/she is, s/he's either probably dead laughing from schadenfreude... or I killed him/her.

This just makes my really kind Chinese advisor really hypocritical, but he's just a teacher, he won't influence the administration!

It's been said before, and I'll just say it again: If lessons are just literally being shoehorned onto our damn brains, is it a surprise to see people not wanting to take Chinese seriously?

Memorize nga, but it'll end up going out the other f**king end. If that's not the epitome of stupidity, I don't know what the hell is.